jillsmo goes to Center Street

So, I'm part of this group of parents who have kids in Special Ed at our district; okay, I guess you can say I lead it, but I didn't create it, it's been around for years, I just took over when somebody moved to another state. Anyway, as coordinator, I get emails and phone calls from people all over the place with a variety of different needs and questions about services at our district.

Last week I got an email from a district employee who had specific concerns that kids with IEPs in the district aren't being serviced properly (I'm going to be intentionally vague here, for reasons that will soon reveal themselves). I told her I would look into it, and I did. I talked to some people, I put out a few emails, I started learning some stuff.

The first thing I learned is that there is, in fact, a problem at our district, and kids are not being serviced properly, among other things. This happens because parents don't always know their rights, and the district is happy to take advantage of that by not informing them.  I've heard a bunch of stories today and I'm pretty pissed off about it, and I know there are probably more stories still to come. It reminds me of me at my first IEP meeting, pregnant with #2, totally clueless about what was going on. I had a nonverbal 3 year old with a formal diagnosis of autism, they were offering me 15 hours/week of a special needs only classroom, speech therapy 30 minutes/week and I thought I did pretty well. What did I know? Nobody told me otherwise.

Well, guess what, district? It's not okay to lie to parents about what their rights are in the hopes that they'll just accept what you say because they don't know any better. I know you've pretty much always been successful with that approach, but it's still not fucking okay, and if I have to personally call every parent of a kid with an IEP and inform them of their rights under IDEA 2004, I will do so. (Okay, honestly, I would probably get somebody to help me with this part. I mean, let's not go crazy).

The one thing I heard from every single person, however, is "I am X and and this is my problem but please don't mention my name because I don't want to jeopardize (either my kid or my job) if the district hears I've been talking to you." Everybody is just scared shitless of what kind of wrath the district will bring on them, just for talking. Well, guess what else, district? I'm not scared of you. My son has autism, and a well documented history of needing 1:1 support, are you going to try to deny him services because of something that I do? Fucking bring it on. I dare you.

I don't know yet what I'm going to do, but I'm going to do something. We'll see what happens....

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Oh, Autism. You so cray-zay

These are titles of YouTube videos about elevators. Love that penmanship, right??

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Should I use Disqus? Vote in my poll!

I don't like my commenting options here, so I'm looking into other things. I kind of like Disqus because it gives you a bunch of options, like being able to comment with your Facebook or Twitter account. (Also, they have impressive customer service. Apparently all you have to do is say "Disqus" on Twitter and suddenly you've got @disqus asking if they can be of any help. Seriously, do you guys pay a dude for that? That's a nice job to have). See my screen shot below of a comment that I definitely made on a blog that uses it.

See how you have all those options there? I like all those options; having that Facebook option might get my non blogger buds commenting more. The problem is that you can't use your Blogger/Google ID to comment, which is what about 95% of you use to comment here. And that's kind of half the point, really, when you comment on somebody's blog, another person will come along and remark "Oh, my, what a witty and marvelous response that person just made about goat sex! I must immediately click on their name so that I may read their blog forever and ever more." Personally, I would rather people click over to my Twitter feed, because I think I do some of my best work over there. You can always just use your name and blog address, or you can register with Open ID, but then I don't want to frighten my Luddite friends who might get so confused by this new feature they would never come back! (I don't want to mention any names and therefore embarrass anybody, so let's just call him or her "Sizable Patriarch Neurological Disorder").

Anyway, you guys are the ones commenting, what do you think?* Should I switch? I can always switch back, I guess. Vote in my poll! It's at the top of the sidebar ----------->




* You realize, of course, that I don't actually care all that much about what you think and I only do these things so that I can get you all to make snarky and obnoxious comments and thus make me laugh? You do realize that, right? Also because I want to see how many votes bacon can get. Bacon always wins.

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I'm talking about Autism over at Mommy is Teething today

I love Tina. There’s just no other way of saying that: I. Love. Her. She’s awesome, and funny, and honest, and did you know she’s number ONE at Top Mommy Blogs? Seriously, go check it out (heh heh). I do have to say, however, that her being number one over there has increased my blog traffic because she links to me so much, so okay. If anybody who isn’t me is going to be number one over there, I’m glad it’s her.

Anyway, today I'm over at her place talking about Autism. I know, it's serious stuff, but it's okay because I said "fucking" at least once. :)

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Song of the day: Why Do I

Oh, thank you to Dani at I'm Just That Way and That's Just Me for saying "Hey, you and I seem to have similar tastes in music, have you heard of Joe Purdy? No? Let me email you some."

Oh, thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.  Lyrics here

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Out of the mouths of babes 18

Child 2 just came into the room with a big giant box full of packing peanuts. He said "HEY MAMA, WATCH THIS!" and then dumped the whole thing over his head and onto the floor. He was then really embarrassed because he had apparently not thought the thing through and for some reason wasn't expecting that to happen. It was still pretty cute, though. Now he's mad at me because I'm making him clean it up.

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Who are your heroes?

I was over reading Brandi's blog where she mentioned that her blogging hero was The Bloggess (is she the one who writes about clown sex?), and I started thinking about who my heroes are, so I thought I'd list them for you, and then I TOTALLY FUCKING INSIST that you tell me who your heroes are. Put them in the comments. Or, should I make this a blog hop? You don't have to use the same categories I did, these are just the people who first came to mind. I'll probably add more as the day goes on.

My blogging hero: Ali Brosh
My comedic hero: Louis CK
My TV hero: Jon Stewart
My musical hero: Bonnie Raitt
My mom/friend hero: Not Just Another Mother Blogger (she knows why)

See above where I totally fucking insist that you list your own.

Update #1: The absence of a "Political hero" was not at all unintentional because I think they all suck.

Update #2: Brandi is so right to list these guys as a musical hero:

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Increasing Dopamine production: My favorite Friday night activity

Disclaimer: I'm not really sure I want to post this or not, but since I spent three fucking hours trying to write it, I'm going to hit "publish," but it's possible I may decide later that it's too personal, change my mind and then delete it. Just a heads up!

A few years ago I saw this show on TLC (that was back when the L stood for "Learning," instead of "Lame") about compulsive behaviors. They talked about people who were hoarders and people who were compulsive eaters. In it, I learned that compulsive behavior is a result of a lack of dopamine production in the brain; dopamine is one of the neurotransmitters in the brain that controls mood and feelings. A person with limited dopamine production will function normally most of the time, but then when they do something that they "like," their brain will produce this burst of dopamine, thereby making them feel really, really good; better, in fact, than that particular activity would make somebody with normal dopamine levels feel. The compulsive behavior happens because the person will become obsessed with feeling that feeling that they get from the dopamine rush. They will only want to do that activity, and nothing else, again and again and again. This is why they say addiction is a disease, because we're all just slaves to our brain chemistry, and wanting to have that good feeling some more isn't something anybody can help. The problem, of course, comes when your preferred behavior is something harmful to your body (alcohol, drugs, eating), harmful to your life (hoarding, gambling, shopping) or just becomes the only thing you can think about or want to do, ever, and you are, quite literally, powerless to stop yourself.

In the show they said that somebody with this problem can learn to control their compulsive behavior by choosing an alternate activity that makes them feel good, like listening to their favorite song. Of course, the alternate activity can very easily become the new compulsion, but the idea is that it is less harmful than the one that is ruining your life. I've struggled with compulsive behaviors before (the specifics of which I won't get into because I don't really want to embarrass myself any more than I've already done, but if you're really interested, email me or something) and this show was really interesting to me because I had always wondered what was wrong with me. Why am I powerless to stop myself from doing something that is obviously harmful? So, I thought I'd find myself an alternative activity that I could use to boost my dopamine levels, and see if that worked. You can naturally increase your dopamine levels by getting regular exercise, so I started walking every day (or, as much as I could). But... there was more to come...

I love to sing. Just fucking love it; always have. In college I used to have all these friends who played guitar and we would sit around my house and they would play and I would sing, but I lost all those friends and never seemed to make any more when we moved to the Bay Area, so it had been a while since I had been able to do any singing that wasn't in my car or in front of a group of strangers. It was at the same time that a friend introduced me to Rock Band, a game for the Xbox where you play guitar and drums.... and sing. Oh, hell yes. I had found my alternate dopamine-producing activity.

The great thing about Rock Band is not only, with each version, do you get the songs that come with the package, but they also come out with new songs every week. So you're able to constantly add new stuff to your collection (and rapidly run out of room on the hard drive connected to your xbox, unfortunately). They have thousands of songs you can pick from so it's hard to get bored with it. And, so, every Friday night, and also whenever we can throughout the week (which has been never lately, sadly) Hubs and I play Rock Band. Last night we played for about 6 hours, stopping only to put the kids in bed. Here are some of my favorites. We didn't do all of these last night, but they're the ones I like the most.

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Spotted in Berkeley: Breast milk edition

I saw a bumpersticker earlier that said:

When breast milk talks, people listen

Um. What does it say, exactly? In my experience, the only thing it ever said was "LOOK! Boob stains!" People definitely listened to that. Or, not so much listened, as, um.... stared.

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Song of the day: Song 2

This is my song of the day because... I'm sorry, I don't care who you are, but there's nothing more adorable than a 5 year old in the kitchen yelling "WOO HOO!" and dancing his crazy little awkward uncoordinated 5 year old dance to this song.

Also, apparently, the Blur dude is really cute.

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Guest Blogging awesomeness continued

My very busy week is just about over, although it's looking like next week is going to be just as busy as this week, so... sigh. Continuing my series of Awesome Guest Bloggers Who Are Awesome, today I have Tina from Mommy is Teething (True confessions of a colicky and fussy newborn mom). She was my first reader who wasn't related to me or a friend from before I was a blogger, and over time she has said the nicest fucking things about me. And I'm not sure it's only because I have her on retainer, either, I think she might actually mean it. If you're not already reading her, you should, because she's really really funny.

Take it away, Tina!

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I didn't get it.

That was, up until I chanced upon Jill's blog back when she only had 14 followers. I thought, wow, she's an undiscovered gem, this woman. She's witty and funny and cool and articulate and all sorts of awesome.. I was drawn to her blog quicker than a one-night stand, without the inevitable regret that followed suit the morning after.

Backtracking through her earlier posts, a reader will easily be able to discern that Child 1 has autism and Child 2 is a smart ass. Once you get to that point, some may leave it at that and prefer to occasionally lurk around to check the hilarity packed in Jill's arsenal, but some will gravitate to the other side, linger a lot longer, and allow her writing to tempt their curiosities. I was one of them. I learned about this mother and her two kids, and the manner in which she speaks so highly of them, so transparent and honest. Soon enough, I found myself hooked on the swearing, the cats, and the chaos. I was, indeed, screwed.

Prior to my encounter with Jill, I've had very little knowledge of what it's like to have a kid on the spectrum. I still do, actually. As a kid, I cracked a load of autism jokes and thought I was the shit. I'm the type who'd most likely stare and act particularly cautious around someone with autism, and probably ask an insensitive question or two because of my ignorance.

I didn't get it.

The only difference from then and now, is that through Jill, I learned to extract the disability from the person and get to know Child 1 for who he really is, a sweet, kind and unassuming boy who loves the BART with all his heart. So instead of being perplexed by her reports of his unusual behavior, the running, the jumping and the BART dialogue, these traits endeared him to me so much more.

It takes a lot of patience and acceptance to operate outside the norm the way parents of special needs children do, and my admiration goes out to parents like Jill, who has learned to embrace it and take it for what it is, instead of living in denial and embarrassment. Thank you, because it is through your brilliant writing that people like me find awareness. Never mind that it makes me feel like a complete, self-centered moron for ranting about my daily drama, and my love-hate relationship with my 7 month old daughter. I get it now.

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REDDIT SECRET SANTA WIN

This is the reddit logo dude, made out of crushed granite pieces or something? Are you fucking kidding me? This is AMAZING!!!!!!

You know reddit, right? I talk about it here often. They have this Secret Santa thing where they match people up from all over the world and we send each other gifts. It's an enormous undertaking and fantastically successful. Check out their statistics page: They have 17,544 people participating, from 90 different countries; it's really quite amazing.

So, you sign up to participate, and then they match you with a person you're supposed to send gifts to. The idea is that you should put some info about yourself in your profile and the person can stalk you around the internetz and find out what you like so they can get you awesome gifts. Well, the person who got me.... damn. I got her gifts in the mail today, and when I say "gifts," I mean it. She sent me two packages with EIGHT wrapped gifts inside. LOOK!

Oh, man, did SHE do her homework. She must have found my blog because she got the kids all these crayola toys, like, literally the things they've been seeing commercials for and asking me to buy. And she got me the most hilarious thing EVER. A Home for the Holidays Survival kit, complete with earplugs and a fucking FLASK, and a set of cards called "Excuses to leave a family holiday party early," with options like "I've been downloading illegal music on your computer and now I have to split before the cops show up" and "I just sobered up and realized where I am."

And, the reddit logo dude that you see up at the top, which she made by hand. She is obviously a very talented artist, whoever she is, except I can't find a damn thing about her on reddit, I only even know that she's a "she" because she signed it "From The Unicorn aka Lisa." Here's her reddit profile, I was totally unable to stalk her and can only link to that. I hope she finds this, because I have more pictures I want to show her, but since I don't post pictures of the kids here, I just have to hope that she'll contact me so I can email them to her.

This is absolutely incredible. I am blown away by the amazing generosity of a complete stranger. In case you were thinking that the world is a fucked up, horrible place, remember that there's a woman named Lisa who lives in Florida who is incredibly fantastic and generous and wonderful. THANK YOU!!!!!

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Special Needs Blog Hop: Talking about accomplishments

This week's SN Blog Hop's topic is our child's accomplishments: "This week it’s about turning all the frustrations and negativeness into something positive. What is a recent accomplishment that your child has made?"

I would have to say that the most noteworthy accomplishment of late has been Child 1's independence. I remember wondering if a day would ever come where he could do things for himself. The basics, like buttoning his pants or wiping his own butt. But lately, he's wanted to do everything completely on his own. The problem, though, is that he does them really badly, which is fine, it's all a life lesson, but when we're talking about butt wiping, that's kind of an area you want to be good at. But he won't even let me help him. I say "PLEASE can I help you wipe your butt?" Seriously. I said that exact thing just last night. And he said, "no, I want to do it myself." Which, on the one hand, is FREAKIN' AWESOME!!! He wants to do it himself! I LOVE that he wants to do it himself!!! I want him to do it himself! On the other hand, he always seems to have a crackfull of poop. And then I have to make him let me help him, because, ew, which completely ruins the whole concept of independence. So, I compensate for it in other ways, like letting him go to school with all of his clothes on inside out and backwards, because it's not as big of a deal. Hey, he wanted to do it himself! I think that's great. :)

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Out of the mouths of babes 17

I am not kidding or exaggerating when I relay the following words that were just spoken in my house:

Child 2: MAMA! I made up a new sock game! And guess who I'm playing against? SPIKE! So, basically I'm just throwing socks at the cat.

And later, when she scratches him, he'll wonder why! I can't quite make him see that there's a connection between these two events....

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What the hell am I doing? Blogging about milestones, apparently.

When I started this blog 6 months ago, my very first post was titled I don't know what I'm doing. And I didn't. I still don't, actually, I've just gotten more skilled at faking it. See? I've got some of you folks totally fooled. My thought at the time, which I mention in that post, is that not knowing what I'm doing doesn't matter, because whenever I'm cooking something and I say to hubs "I have no idea what I'm doing," it almost always turns out totally awesome. I can't even give you any food examples because I'm usually just grabbing shit out of the cabinet and throwing it in; but apparently that's a winning cooking technique for me. Just ask hubs! So, I was thinking that just grabbing random words out of my head and throwing them into the internet might also be a winning technique; it was worth a shot, right? I'm honestly not sure how it's going because I can't taste what I've done here. Not for a lack of trying, of course.

Anyhoozle, yesterday I hit 100 followers here. I have no idea if 100 followers in a 6 month period is good, bad or average, but 100 being your typical mileston-ey type number, I thought I'd throw myself a little party. As if I needed an excuse to party, right? However, how perfectly awesome is it that my 100th follower would be a person with a blog called: What The Hell Am I Doing? That, my friends, is awesome stuff right there. I have no idea who she is or how she found me, but she's a mom who also doesn't know what she's doing, she's either a total Grammar Nazi or she really likes Vampire Weekend, I'm not entirely sure which, she has also at some point tried to convince herself that limping is good exercise, (remember my heel spur? Limping is cardio, right?) and she has a whole tag called "A whole lotta swearing." (I just call that "My Blog.")

Anyway, here she is, Anonymous Mom Blogger who doesn't know what the hell she's doing... and my 100th follower. YAY!!!!!

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