An old shoe

So... the other day I posted this song that I like and I said that I really really liked the first few lines. Those lines are: "I don't have anything to write about anymore, my words have become boring" because, well... that's how I was feeling at the time.

And then my friend Karen, who blogs at Solodialogue wrote in the comments "You could write about an old shoe and it would be funny..."

Oh yeah, Karen? Well.....

I thought I'd get us started with some poetry! First, a limerick:

An old shoe sat by the door
Its grey laces sagged to the floor
It once used to run
and have oh so much fun
now feet in it happens no more.

Okay, that wasn't very funny, but I'm just getting started! Give me a break. How about a haiku?

The old shoe was white
Dr. Scholl tried very hard
Alas, it still smelled

And now, iambic pentameter

The shoe is old it sits upon the floor
He's sad because no one wears him these days
One time he rode upon the feet of kings
But now he smells and no feet will wear him


Hubs just walked by and asked me what I was doing. "I'm writing poetry about an old shoe," I said. I shit you not, he gave me this look:

Did you know that the world's oldest shoe is 5,500 years old, was created from a piece of cow hide and was a size 4? It's true. It was found in a cave by archeologists in Armenia, "with three pots, each containing a child's skull, along with containers of barley, wheat and apricot." Okay, well.... this guy here wrote about an old shoe and was funny. I don't seem to be doing a very good job.

HA HA Karen!! See? You were totally wrong! I can't write about an old shoe and be funny, after all!!! So there! AHA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!

Wait.

Shoe image courtesy of stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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Blogging has made me flaky and anti social

Back in the olden days... when I was in high school... probably before some of you were even born.... whatever.... there were a limited number of ways you could use to contact people. You could send them a letter, write them a note and slip it into their locker at school, you could stop by their house or you could call them. If they weren't home when you called, hopefully somebody would answer and take a message, OR they might have an answering machine, if you were lucky.

Enter computers and now you have email on top of the phone message. This is actually better, IMO; you can email somebody any time of the day or night and you don't have to think on your feet all the time. Except... when you send an email and they don't respond.... did they actually get it? I hate that; I've always hated that. It's rude to not respond when somebody sends you an email; at least let them know you got it. As such, I've always made enormous effort to respond to every single email I ever got. Even if it just said ":)" It's possible I annoyed people with that, but at least my conscience was clear!

Now enter cell phones and we have a 2nd telephone method of contacting somebody, along with text messages. We're up to about 5 or 6 at this point; still pretty manageable, I think, especially since some of them replace some of the other ones.

We progress through the years and different computerized versions of contact are added. Chats, message boards, AOL, IRC (I never used it but I'm going to mention it here so that you think I'm cool). Then MySpace, Facebook, Twitter.....

Now that I've started blogging I seem to have added an infinite number of methods to my "ways to contact me" list, about 1,000 more people trying to do so and DAMN it's getting hard to manage! I've started becoming unable to respond to everything the way I used to, and now I'M the rude one!

I hate it!!!

I'm going to list them all for you, in the unlikely event that you feel like feeling sorry for me right now:

1. Home phone
2. Cell phone
3. Text message
4. Blackberry Messenger
5. Personal email
6. Blogger email
7. Professional email
8. Message board #1 private message
9. Message board #2 private message
10. Facebook message
11. Facebook wall
12. Twitter @ message
13. Twitter DM
14. Y.GT. Blog comment
15. Variety of chats or IMs that I rarely use but are still a way to contact me so I'm calling them all just one way

Fifteen! Fifteen different ways to get a hold of me, and fifteen places I need to check to see if I need to get back to somebody. I'm probably missing some, too, but I can't think of any more right now.

I don't mean to complain ("yeah, suuuuuuuuure you don't, Jill" is what you're thinking right now), but ever since I've been blogging it's become too much for me! I've started to become the people that I hate; the ones that don't respond when you contact them. I hate that!! I don't want to be like those people!!

So.... if you've contacted me by any of these methods, or any method I didn't even list, and I didn't respond.... OH MY GOD I'M SO SORRY. I don't mean to be rude. I really don't! I've just managed to get in a little over my head with all of this, it seems. I get overwhelmed and when I get overwhelmed it's easier to just do nothing than to try to push through it all. Please try again, using a different method?

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My first vlog! Well, actually not really.

I've got some blogging buddies who have been bugging the shit out of me to make a vlog (video blog). Yeah, that is so not gonna happen, sisters. I've got a face that's perfect for radio and anonymous blogging, no damn way any of you are gonna see it. (I can't help but notice that the one person who has been bugging me the most is really fucking hot. Don't think I didn't notice that about you, Jess).

Okay, so Saturday night I was drunk (I KNOW, right?????) and decided to make a video of me playing Rock Band. There's no bass part in this song so hubs held the camera. Before you watch it, though, some disclaimers: Did I mention I was drunk? So, yeah, this isn't really my best work. In fact, it kind of sucks. I wasn't breathing right and there's a bit of slurring that you can actually hear in the singing, and I didn't even get 100% on the song but I didn't feel like doing it a million times to get it right, so... fuck it. This is what you get. And if you're brave enough to make it all the way through there's a funny bit of drunken commentary from me at the very end.




Okay, so now that you've done that to yourself, how about a pity click for old time's sake?

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