Getting your GenEd teachers ready for your autistic kid

School is starting! School is starting! SCHOOL IS STARTING!!!! For us, it starts on Wednesday, I think it's probably already started for a bunch of you. LUCKY.

First, I guess, some background: Child 1 is what they call "fully included," which means he is in a General Education (GenEd) classroom with supports that are specified in his IEP ("supports" include a 1:1 aide, being pulled out for individual instruction, as well as various therapies, etc.). And school districts being what they are (read: tight asses), General Education teachers are rarely given appropriate training on how to have a Special Education kid in their class. Unless they have personal experience or have had a kid in their class before, oftentimes your IEP kid will be the first IEP kid they've ever taught. This has been the case for 3 of the last 5 teachers we've had, and I actually don't know if our teacher this year has any experience. As Child 1 gets older, it's becoming less and less important. Then again we haven't hit middle school yet. *gulp*

I heard from the school last week about who Child 1's teacher is going to be (we got the good one! Then again, we get the teacher I ask for every year, because... do you really want to mess with me if you don't give my kid the best possible option? No, you do not want me to be upset with you about the choices you have made for my child, if they are different from what I have requested. I know, I sound like an obnoxious bitch, but I promise you I only do this for my autistic kid; with the other one we just roll the dice like everybody else). Anyway, as part of my preparation for having a new teacher, I asked around on Facebook if anybody had any suggestions for some articles I could send him. In asking around, I found some great resources (links below) but also the advice (thank you Rhonda) that no one article is going to encompass all the information about my child that his teacher will need to know, and if I really want to help my teacher understand how to work with my child, what I send should be written by me.

This is really good advice, and I completely agree, but the crux of my advice to you, my reader who has a child with autism or an IEP or a 504, is that you are the one in charge here. You can't ever assume that anybody who is employed by your school district will 1. know your child well enough to know what is in their best interest, 2. have the necessary skills and training to carry that out and 3. have the motivation to even make it happen. You have to be on top of the IEP team, making sure it is being carried out correctly, and if there's something wrong, it is you who are responsible for finding that out and starting the process to fix it. I know... that kind of sucks. I mean, I don't know about you guys, but I'm no teacher; I've got no fucking clue how to teach anybody, much less a class full of kids, but I do know my kid; I know how to speak up and I know my rights. I also know that if I don't keep on top of things, my kid could very very easily slip through the cracks and it is my responsibility, as my child's best advocate, to make sure that doesn't happen.

So, if the issue is how to prepare your GenEd teacher for your SPED kid, you need to take that on, yourself. Like I said, never assume that they will know anything; in fact, to be on the safe side, you should assume that they know nothing. I've had teachers stop me in the hallway to ask advice on how to handle their autistic student; it's not their fault, they just don't get the needed training, and they likely never will. But it's not because they don't want to know, so it's your job to provide them with the information they need. Again. That kind of sucks that you have to do it; but that's the reality.

Before school starts every year I like to meet with our new teacher in person to discuss the details of my child, but some people like to write something up and give to them. My friend Michelle, who blogs at She's Always Write, and can be found on Twitter here, sent me the "resume" that she uses for her son, and I thought it was so awesome and well written that I asked her if I could share it here (I've removed the personal information about her son). This was written for her son, who is 3, and I decided not to modify it (even after I told her I would. Sorry Michelle! I got lazy) but it should be pretty easy to make this work for a kid any age, I think.

---

ALL ABOUT ME

Hi! My name is XX and I’m 3. I love to play cars and trains and to ride my bike and run and jump and climb.

I’m excited about school, but my mommy is worried that some things will be hard for me. I can do everything the same as other kids; there are just times when I might need you to teach me a little differently than you’re used to.

WHY I’M A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENT

My doctors told my Mommy that I’m really smart and can figure things out like a bigger kid. But, my brain works a little different so sometimes it might look like I don’t understand something. But if you take a second to help me see it my way, you’ll be surprised how fast I learn!

My Mommy and my doctors use these big words when they talk about me.

• High Functioning Autism
• Sensory Processing Disorder
• Speech & Language Processing Disorder
• Auditory Processing Disorder

AUTISM

• My brain gets stuck on things and I can’t help it. I do best with verbal reminders a few minutes before the class moves onto the next activity, it helps me get unstuck and transition smoothly.
• It is really hard for me to understand what other people are thinking and feeling based on their face or tone of voice. It’s not that I don’t care, it’s that part of my brain doesn’t work the same as yours. I really like making you happy. If you are happy or frustrated with something I did, I won’t know unless you use words to tell me.
• I really like to play with other kids, but it is hard for me to know if they like how I am playing. It helps me a lot if you tell me gently how to play nice and be a good friend.
• I do best with routines. I can handle changes to what I expect (like fire drills) if you talk about it in advance.
• I take your words literally – sarcasm, jokes that are plays on words and metaphors are very confusing.

SENSORY PROCESSING

• My eight senses (did you know there are eight?!) don’t work the same as yours. Some days I am more sensitive to everything, and some days I feel like I can’t get enough of everything.
• Noises that sound normal to you (like a toilet flushing) may be painful for me. If you know there will be a loud noise, it helps if you remind me to cover my ears.
• Being touched (especially on the head) can really overload my senses and make it hard for me to stay calm. Sometimes it’s hard for me to sit close to other people.
• A face can give more sensory information than I can process all at once – I can’t always look at you AND understand what you are saying. Sometimes I need to look down so I can hear you.
• Did you know learning to write is related to your senses? I have to work extra hard to hold a crayon and make it do what I need it to. Sometimes I press too hard, and sometimes I can’t press it hard enough.

LANGUAGE PROCESSING

• It can be hard for me to say something even when I know all the words – sometimes I need you to be a little bit patient while I work on getting my brain to make the muscles in my mouth work right.
• It is very hard for me to answer open-ended questions. I do much better when I can make a choice.
• I often say things backwards (I ate the ice cream because I am cold).

AUDITORY PROCESSING

• My ears work fine, but sometimes the connection between my ears and brain can be slow (like waiting for a web page to load) or kind of staticky (like a radio station that won’t come in right).
• There can be a delay between when my ear hears you talk and my brain understands the words that can make it look like I’m not listening. If you touch me on the arm, I will know you need my attention.
• Sometimes my brain hears a different word than you say. Not very often, but if you notice please tell my Mommy.
• It can be hard for me to understand when you talk fast and give lots of instructions. I do really well if you show me how to do something after you tell me. My eyes understand faster than my ears.

---

Some good links (thanks for my FB friends for sending me to these places; I didn't find them on my own!):

Ten Things Your Student With Autism Wishes You Knew by Ellen Nothbohm

Back to School, a post by Diary of a Mom that has links at the bottom.

Tip Sheets for Teaching Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder by Sue Larkey


Questions? I'm happy to tell you more about what I know. jillsmo at gmail.com

---

About Special Education

I originally wrote this about 2 years ago, within the first week that I started blogging, but nobody read a word I wrote back then, except for my husband, my mother, and 2 friends. How about a little exposure, right??

When Child 1 was in preschool and we were preparing for Kindergarten, I saw a post on a local mailing list written by a mom with a kid in Special Ed (SPED) asking what parents thought about the district's Inclusion Program, and worrying how other parents felt about it, etc. The majority of responses were positive, parents, in general, are able to appreciate the differentness in everybody and had good things to say about their experiences. Some responses were not so positive, though. Parents (nobody had the balls to sign their name, of course) said that SPED kids "stole" resources away from General Ed (GenEd) kids; in today's tough times, with budgets so tight, it "wasn't fair" that their kids were losing teacher time and resources because the district thought it was politically correct to put the SPED kids in the with the rest of them. Seriously. Someone said that.

So, Child 1, and myself, enter public elementary school knowing that people feel this way. (Okay, Child 1 doesn't know and even if he did he probably wouldn't care, it was just me that knew this) and at first I was afraid to even mention that he had a disability, but as the years have gone on I realize that there's a pretty good crew of folks at the school and I haven't much encountered that attitude.  PHEW!

However, here's what I've learned about SPED and GenEd resources at our district that I wish I could have told myself, and those jackass other parents from the mailing list 5 years ago.

- Our district was apparently the birth place of Special Education; there was once a fantastic program, designed by parents, teachers and administrators, that actually fully included SPED kids and provided them the support they needed to get them an education. Awesome!

- SPED is federally funded. Services are paid for by a separate budget within the district, money which comes from the federal government, authorized by the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act of 2004.

- Federal law (IDEA and NCLB) requires that districts adopt a "Response to Intervention" program which tries to identify kids who are struggling and get them extra help before they fall too far behind and instead of a referral to SPED. This is actually a good idea, don't you think? I think so. Not being sarcastic, I think that's really a good idea.

- The Department of Education has allowed school districts to use 15% of IDEA funding for early intervention services in regular education

Over time, though, our district has been moving away from the great inclusion program in favor of the RTI program which attempts to address the needs of all kids. They've been doing this, though, by taking already strapped SPED staff and basically just giving them extra work with extra kids. After all, they can use 15% of their IDEA budget to pay for their RTI, so why not just tack on some extra duties to the Resource staff already there? So what happened is that the Inclusion Coordinator became the Resource Coordinator, and while on paper the district said "you're 85% SPED and 15% GenEd" the reality is that she no longer has 30 or so kids with IEPs on her caseload, she now has every kid at the school on her caseload, about 400. Because every kid at the school is entitled to an "intervention" if they need it, or at least a referral, to the Resource Coordinator. (I'm not sure if that's her actual title, I don't remember)

My kid's disability manifests itself in the classroom by him sitting quietly, softly talking to himself, looking beautiful and doing an excellent job pretending to be paying attention, but not learning a single thing unless there's somebody standing over his shoulder the whole time. He has an aide (Federally funded!!) and there are a host of GenEd kids who are a huge disruption to the classroom. These kids don't have IEPs and I have no idea if they need one or not, but as they act out, the teacher, and my son's aide, are forced to turn their attention to those kids, while mine sits quietly, looking beautiful and not learning. Those GenEd kids, who don't have a 504 or an IEP, get referred to the Resource Coordinator as head of the Intervention team, because they're falling behind. Because the Resource Coordinator is now so strapped for time, I have a great deal of trouble even getting an IEP meeting scheduled. It's not her fault, she's doing the best she can, she just has way too much to do.

So, the bottom line, and I say this to the myself of five years ago, or anybody else who doesn't know any better, or anybody with a child in SPED entering a public school: At our district, it is actually the General Ed kids who steal resources and teacher time away from the Special Ed kids. In today's tough times, when budgets are so tight, it's really not fair that a federally funded program should be drained away by kids who don't qualify for it. Oh, yeah, that's right, I went there.

---

IEP post. Um... snark?

Holy shit I'm doing a meme! First of all, I have to apologize for the people who have actually tagged me in this, because I can't for the life of me remember who you are. I'm really sorry about that, but if you tell me I will definitely edit this post to include a link to you. In the meantime, though, for some reason I was able to remember that this meme was created by Karen at Solodialogue, who definitely didn't tag me, because she's afraid of me for some reason. I think. I don't remember. Anyway, that isn't going to stop me from participating, because that's just the way I roll....

So, here's the deal with this, according to Karen:

Each of us has loads to offer on the battlefield but what tools and services are we really all fighting for? Do we know what is available? By the way, who is paying for those special things?

So, simply put, as I tag you, and hoping that you are willing to share, there are only three things I’m looking for answers to in this meme:

1. A list of tools (special chairs, iPad, visual schedules, gums, chewlery, squishees, headphones, whatever devices help focus and sensory issues);
2. Services (Speech Therapy, Physical Therapy, Occupational Therapy, ABA, TEACCH, Special Ed teaching rooms, aides during class, tutors, etc.) and how many hours per week of each your child receives;
3. Your opinions of the effectiveness of (1) and (2) above.

I know. I know. Every child with a special need is different and requires different accommodations. Beyond that, I think we will find common ground. We may find that despite the emphasis on the differences, the school districts may be offering the same stuff to everyone. Who knows until we share?

The goal is that the next time any of us is faced with an upcoming IEP we can peruse our friends’ lists and see what may be useful to our own child.

Sounds good to me! So... here we go....

1. Nothing. Nada. There are no tools. The closest we get is that he gets to use math manipulatives. This is because we haven't had a good OT in a few years, but at our recent IEP meeting there was somebody there who seemed to actually know what she was doing, and was able to use the term "sensory diet" in a way that didn't include the cafeteria, so I'm hopeful that she may come up with some ideas. On the other hand, he'll just stim on fidgets all day long, anyway, and really what he needs is to get up and run back and forth in the hallway a few times in order to get his focus. I was going to say "get his focus back" but he practically never has focus, anyway; but I digress....

2. Services! I will list them below:

- Specialized academic instruction: 225 minutes/week (Push in and/or pull out academic support)
- Intensive Individual Services: 1200 minutes/week (IA support during academic activities and specials)
- Language and speech: 90 minutes/week (Push in and pull out as needed to total 90 minutes weekly)
- Occupational Therapy: 30 minutes/week (push into classroom or pull out, as needed)
- Adapted Physical Education: 30 minutes/week
- There are about 3 pages dedicated to testing accommodations, but I'll just tell you the good part, because the rest of it isn't important, I think: When unfocused or seems stressed, discontinue testing and work on core curriculum (This is the first time we've had this, I can't WAIT to see how this goes, because he is ALWAYS unfocused! HAHAHAHA!)

3. I think that a few years ago when he had an awesome SLP/OT (ONE person doing all awesome things. We were so lucky) he benefited a lot from the brushing and the swinging that she would do, but that hasn't been happening the past few years and I'm not really sure it would make a difference, anyway. But at our last meeting we did discuss the need for him to get up every 30 minutes or so and just run back and forth to get his physical and mental energy out, which is what they're referring to about the OT, which is push in or pull out "as needed."

As for the rest of it, like I said, he's always unfocused, and without an IA hanging over his shoulder he will never listen to the teacher or get any work done, so unless he's actually getting his "specialized academic instruction" I'm not sure he's actually learning anything, anyway.

We also have a tutor, who is not mentioned in the IEP, and whom I pay for out of pocket. I've been fighting the district to pay for tutoring forfuckingEVER, but they just won't do it. I've talked about it here before. Mostly it's just so that I don't have to do homework with him, because I simply cannot. Our awesome tutor is not only has a K-6 credential, she is an autism specialist and works as a resource teacher in another district. She works for me for shit pay because she's a single parent and needs the extra money. Oh, I'm going to give her a raise, by the way, because she was at our IEP and was AWESOME.

I think I'm getting off track. Another thing I want to mention, just because I think it's so cool, is that it also says this in our IEP: "Send home homework, but family decides what Child 1 will do for homework. If an alternative assignment worked on for homework, the assignment will be turned in with adult signature." So, basically, fuck your test prep! YES!!!!! I only wish I could get the same for Child 2.

Oh, and inspired by Top Ten Most Ridiculous Comments Heard at an IEP Meeting, here's something that was said at our meeting last week. Spoken by our district representative, who is always saying stupid things like "he'll be taking tests his whole life," in a discussion about whether or not teaching an autistic kid (with both significant language processing issues and some kind of math phobia) math word problems was wise or not, she said "word problems are a part of life." Um... hello? Autism? Word problems? Seriously???

Okay! So, I hope I did justice to this meme and that Karen will be proud and not scared of me. I will now also tag some people, and I've chosen the mom bloggers who were the first friends I made when I started blogging and whom I have somewhat fallen out of touch with as the years have gone on.

Also ..... Lynn knows why.....

• Lynn at Autism Army Mom
• Cheryl at Little Bit Quirky
• Dani at I'm Just That Way and That's Just Me
• Jessica at Four Plus an Angel
• Jennie at Anybody Want a Peanut?

---

Snark, saying thank you, and the color blue

I'm sorry, that Oxford comma was not the way I was taught and even though it is correct it just feels weird and wrong to me.... WEIRD AND WRONG, I TELL YOU.

I’m at the park right now writing this. It’s fucking February and I’m in the park with shorts and a t-shirt and no shoes. I know, you Canadians want to tell me to fuck off right now for actually complaining about that, but this shit is lame! Where the hell is our winter this year?? I WANT WINTER, DAMMIT.

Anyway… so you know how we autie parents spend so much time complaining about all the people in our lives who just don’t “get it?” Well, I thought I’d take a moment to show some appreciation for some people who do get it. It will be a nice change of pace, don’t you think??

Today we have an IEP meeting. I’m not expecting anything unusual, it’s our annual and we’ve already had an emergency meeting this year to discuss “the incident,” so nothing today is going to be very earth shattering, with the possible exception of me saying “I’d like to opt him out of The Test,” and the SPED representative giving me the same line of horseshit that she gives me every year about how "he’s going to be taking tests his whole life so he might as well start getting used to it now!" Because my kick ass advocate will be there, and she’s going to say “SHUT THE FUCK UP, TINY DISTRICT WOMAN” (she’s kind of a “force,” my kick ass advocate. I’m pretty sure her business cards actually say “Kick Ass Advocate,” instead of just the usual “Advocate.”) Anyway, according to the chart up there, we are in our usual state of Blue: even if things will go smoothly, there’s always a little bit of misinformation and guile to be expected. You know, like “he’s going to be taking tests his whole life so he should practice for them now and the reason we don't want you to opt him out has everything to do with his future test taking abilities and nothing to do with our participation percentages or anything like that no I swear that’s really really the reason.”

Anyway, back to appreciating people. My awesome tutor will be coming with me to this meeting, which means I don’t have my usual afternoon babysitter, so I’ve asked my friend Cathryn to watch the kids (I’m using her real name because she has no online persona and therefore no secret identity to protect). But Child 1 doesn’t like having to go places, in general, really, but in particular if I’m not there, so Cathryn is coming over to my house, with her two kids, and she’s watching all four of them for however many hours this is going to take. Isn’t that just the coolest thing?? I’m so happy that I have a friend who understands and is cool about weird autism things. Her kids aren’t autistic, she’s just one of those incredibly cool people who “get it.”

And so, I would like to dedicate this post not only to snark but to my friend Cathryn, who “gets” it. She probably won’t read this unless I tell her to, and MAN will she be embarrassed when she does. HA HA HA HA HA!! I think I’ll just leave the screen open on my laptop when I leave for the meeting and have her stumble across it accidentally…… SURPRISE!!!

---

"My child needs an IEP."

Disclaimer!!!! I am not a lawyer. This is not legal advice. Please don't use anything I say here as proof of anything whatsoever. This is my opinion, based on my experience. This is not legal advice. Did I mention yet that I am not a lawyer? It's true. I'm not. Also this isn't legal advice. I may link to legal looking things, but don't read anything more into that. Because I'm not a lawyer. And this isn't legal advice.

---

This post is written for parents who have children with an actual, documented diagnosis of a disability that is preventing their children from doing well in school. This is not intended for those kids who are falling a little behind, or who are struggling for other reasons, I'm talking about kids who qualify for an IEP under The Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA).

Before you go on, read my disclaimer at the top again. Okay! We're good!

I spend a lot of time talking to people who have children with IEPs or children who have a diagnosis of something and need extra help at school because of it. I talk to people online, in real life, on the phone, via email, whatever. There is one commonality in the stories of practically every single person I talk to and I'll be honest, I'm getting really sick of it.

So. Parents. Here's something you should know about your school and your school district: Your child may be entitled to services under IDEA but it is the intention of your district to do their best to make sure you don't find out about that. They don't want you to know your rights because if you did, you would then be empowered and you would use your rights to get services for your child. This costs the district money and they don't have very much of it as it is and they certainly don't want to give what they do have to your kid. So they will lie, and they will avoid you, and they will feed you complete crap so that you walk away disappointed... as long as you walk away.

If your child has a diagnoses, or even if you suspect that he does (I'm not being sexist but I'm going to use the masculine pronoun here because it's easier than saying "he or she" every time) and he is struggling in school as a result, the first person you might want to talk to would be the principal at your school. Except the principal at your school is really just an extension of the district at large and they have (for the most part) been instructed to tell you whatever it takes to get you to stop asking about it.

Here are a few things I've heard parents tell me that they've heard from their principals:

1. We don't give IEPs for (whatever your diagnosis is)
2. You can't get an IEP until your child is X number of years behind academically
3. The district isn't giving out IEPs right now, check again next year
4. We're not giving out IEPs because we've run out of IEP forms
5. I'm sorry, this isn't the kind of school district that teaches children

(I made those last 2 up.) (NOT LEGAL ADVICE.)

All of that is complete horseshit, of course. If your child has a documented disability that impairs his ability to learn in school along with his peers, he qualifies for an IEP. And the principal of your school has absolutely no jurisdiction or authority to determine any of this, despite what they might tell you. There is a special education department located inside the district offices, with a special education director whose job it is specifically to field your questions. That's the person you want to talk to, not your school's principal. Unless your district is so small that your school's principal plays a dual role of both school principal and district SPED director, don't go to your principal for an IEP.

The Individuals with Disabilities Education Act lists 13 categories under which a student can qualify for special education services. You can make pretty much any diagnosis (yes, including ADHD) fit into one of these:

1. Autism
2. Deaf-Blindness
3. Deafness
4. Hearing Impairment
5. Mental Retardation
6. Multiple Disabilities
7. Orthopedic Impairment
8. Other Health Impairment
9. Serious Emotional Disturbance
10. Specific Learning Disability
11. Speech or Language Impairment
12. Traumatic Brain Injury
13. Visual impairment, including Blindness

I'm sick to death of parents being flat out lied to or just given misinformation. There are laws, they are federal law and they are clear. You have the right to have your child evaluated, and if they don't want to, they need to give you a damn good reason that doesn't involve money. There are timelines they are required to follow. They don't get to stall, they don't get to hem and haw, they don't get to cancel meetings and hang up on you and not call you back: they do these things because they don't want to have to spend any money on your child. This is obviously not what is in the best interest of your child. This might piss some people off but it's not your problem that they can't afford it or don't want to spend money on your kid. It's not your problem. IDEA says so.

Parents: know your rights. They are online and they are easy to find. There are people in your district or your state who exist specifically just to help you find out. If you're a good internet researcher, I suggest you start at WrightsLaw. They will have everything you need to know about what to do.

Put all your communication with the school district in writing (emails don't count). Never make a phone call and then take the words you were given as some kind of evidence of anything, because they probably will deny it later. Having things in writing will document your timeline and you will be able to prove, undeniably, that in August 2011 you requested an evaluation. This may be helpful in April 2012 when you're in front of a judge or a mediator still trying to get some help for your kid.

So, if you're in the process, or you're starting the process, or you know somebody who is, don't necessarily believe what you're told because it might not be true. And if you need any help, contact me; I'm a good resource, no matter where you live, and I love sticking it to the lying school districts who lie.

Except I'm not a lawyer. And none of this was legal advice.

---

Edit: Sometimes I see in my site stats that people land on this page because of a google search. PLEASE feel free to contact me if there's anything I can answer for you or help you with!!! jillsmo@gmail.com

Edit2: This is a really good article: Top Ten Most Ridiculous Comments Heard at an IEP Meeting

---

I barf on your standardized test!

So, standardized testing starts this week. For anybody with a kid in public school grade two or higher you know what I'm talking about. This is how school districts and states and everybody with an opinion, informed or otherwise, determine "how well" a school is doing. No Child Left Behind puts particular emphasis on the importance of test scores and if you don't do well you end up in what they call "Program Improvement." Our school is in year 5 of PI and I think our district is, too. This is supposed to mean a lot of No Good Really Bad Things for both the school and the district, and I've been hearing of dire warnings for years now about how the entire world will come to a screeching halt once we're in PI Year 5. I'm still waiting for that to happen.

Anyway, I've never known what to do with Child 1 and The Test. He can't take it without what they call "accommodations," which apparently means his score doesn't even count? I honestly have no idea and no matter how much I try I can't seem to find anybody who will explain this to me in a way I can understand it.

First of all, in my personal opinion, I think that relying on standardized test scores to judge how a school is doing is pretty stupid, particularly since (theoretically) the consequences of failing are supposed to be so dire. Not all kids are good at tests, I never was, but that doesn't mean I'm not smart. And it seems like everybody (adults) puts so much pressure on these kids to Do Well On The Test, how could you not crack under that kind of pressure? Not to mention the pressure that teachers get for their students to get good scores. Every teacher I know will tell you that the test isn't a measure of how well their students are doing, it's a measure of how well they are doing, as teachers. And then their teaching ability is judged by their students' scores, sometimes with some pretty fucked up consequences (read that article, I'm going to refer to it later and you're going to feel stupid for not knowing what I'm talking about). I don't understand how The Test is an accurate measure of anything, really.

And then there's that whole "Teach to the test" thing that pisses people off so much, and rightly so IMO. Because of all the pressure for teachers to "do well," all they end up caring about during the school year is making sure the kids know which bubbles to fill in when the time comes, and that becomes their entire focus. When this happens, kids don't get a whole education, they only get the bits and pieces that they'll need once they get that scantron form. This may be an unfortunate truth, but it's obviously stupid.

And then there are all the subgroups and demographics and statistical blah blah blah that I simply do not understand, and frankly I don't even want to understand it. Please don't talk to me about how this particular group of African American kids in this grade and this class need to get this particular percentage because I don't know what you mean.

Okay, so... do I let my kid take the test or not? This is the question that I'm now facing for a second year. Every year I wonder what I should do, every year I ask people for their opinion and every year I still have no idea what I should do. So I end up saying "okay, fuck it, let him take it." Because I doubt he even knows he's taking a test, much less this Very Very Very Important Test. They pull him out of class and into the Learning Closet (formerly known as The Learning Center, but when the district decided to add a fifth 3rd grade class this year, naturally the SPED kids were the first to get the shaft, so they were moved from a nice big classroom and into a closet in order to make room. YAY!) and he hangs out with the Resource Teacher, who he likes and hangs out with all the time, anyway. She tests him, I guess, and he does his thing, I guess, and in the end we get a score in the mail over the summer. This is what we did last year and his scores came back as "Shittiest Scores Ever." That's actually what it said! (No it didn't.)

So, if his score doesn't count (I think) and they all suck, anyway, what the fuck is the point of him taking it? Because whenever the issue comes up, our Principal always STRESSES HOW IMPORTANT IT IS FOR HIM TO TAKE THE TEST REGARDLESS OF THE OUTCOME. Usually the argument is "he's going to be taking tests his whole life, he might as well get used to it," which I have never once bought. Because pulling him out of class to hang out in the Learning Closet, which is something he does every day of the week, doesn't seem to be adequate preparation for a life time of test taking and I don't see how anybody could make the argument that it IS. So I've always thought there was some other motivation going on there, because they really want him to take it... but why?

It was explained to me once that the Resource Specialist and the Principal had some kind of test participation quota they needed to meet and by having Child 1 take the test they were something something percentages good for them? (Okay, it's possible I didn't really understand the explanation; I mean, come on. I'm smart, but I'm not THAT smart!) So, having my kid in the Learning Closet and going through the test motions is a benefit to the school? Even though his score sucks? And it doesn't even count? Well, okay, honestly, I'm cool with that. I have nothing but respect for anybody who would even dare stand up in front of a room full of kids and try to teach them shit, so I usually just do whatever they tell me. If I thought for a second that my kid's self esteem was at all impacted by any of this, I assure you I would have a much stronger opinion about it, but he doesn't seem to give a shit, so neither do I. Fuck it! Let him take it!

But then there's the whole "taking a political stance" by having my kid opt out, which all parents are allowed to do, by the way; nobody is actually required to take the test, despite what school officials will tell you. (Apparently teachers all know this but they're not allowed to tell parents.) And, shit, I'm ALL for taking a political stance if it's something I believe in, but as I've said, I've never been able to get a satisfying explanation from anybody about why I should or shouldn't have my kid take the test, so I've toyed with the idea but never actually done it. But... would my opting him out have been able to help save Rigoberto Ruelas' life, or others that may come after him? That's a good enough reason for me, I'll do anything to help teachers... but is that what I should do? Is it the right thing to do? And if it is... how? And WHY?

Anyway, it's only our 2nd year with this, but I go through this every time we have an IEP and every time the subject is mentioned. And I never know what to do. And I never feel good about what I decide because I've never been able to form a solid opinion on the subject and I don't like being uninformed.

My point? Yes, I do have one: Standardized testing starts this week! And there I was, wondering once again if I was doing the right thing, when Child 1 wakes up and apparently makes the decision for me, in the form of fucking barfing everywhere.... repeatedly. Guess he's not taking the test, after all! Um. Thanks?

---

"I hate autism"

"I love Scarlett but I hate autism." That's a quote from Xuan “Linda” Peng, who was convicted of killing her 4 year old daughter and was just released from prison after serving 5 years. Apparently she "snapped" and drowned her in the bathtub after a really bad day. I can't imagine losing control like that, but I do know what hating autism feels like.

Yesterday was Child 1's last day of 2nd grade. I went to pick him up and his class was on the yard playing and waiting for parents to come. I was talking to his aide and I looked over and saw him surrounded by a group of girls. They were talking to him and I could see that he had his hand over his mouth which is what he does when he "recites" something. I was too far away to hear what was being said, but I pointed to them and asked the aide "what's going on over there?" She assured me that they were playing and having a good time, "he's okay, don't worry," she said (she's awesome). I joked about how I was so used to seeing him surrounded by a group of kids who wanted to be his friend only to have him turn and run away from them (I've been watching him do that since he was able to run.) But I didn't like the way they were crowded around him, it didn't look right to me. Were they making fun of him? Was he saying "Coming up next on Sprout, the Good Night Show!"? And then all the girls turned around and looked at me, saw me staring at them, as if to say "What? We're not doing anything!" It felt wrong, I wanted to go over there and smack them all. But then the moment was over and the crowd around him dispersed.  He saw me and came over to say hi, and he didn't mention the Good Night Show at all. Then he went back to drawing roads in the mulch around the play structure.

I remember once when Child 1 was about 4, saying to a parent with an older kid on the spectrum, "it's all just cute now, but at what point do the other kids start to figure out that something's not right here? When will the teasing start?" He told me around 3rd grade. I remember thinking how far away that seemed. Maybe by that time he'll have made so much progress that it won't be an issue? That would be awesome, I won't have to worry about it. I think they started to figure it out this year, actually, because I've gotten some comments and questions from the other kids ("Did you drop him on his head when he was a baby? Is that why he's like that?") but I've always held 3rd grade in my mind as the year that everything will change.

Our IEP team is changing next year. We're losing our beloved Speech Therapist as well as the Inclusion Coordinator at the school, and a beloved after school tutor is moving to LA. Lots of changes, lots of uncertainty. I don't know who his teacher will be, I don't know how to prepare him for what he's apparently about to face. 3rd grade scares the shit out of me, and here we are, right up against it. He hasn't made enough progress and his differentness WILL be an issue. He doesn't know what he's in for. I'm not sure I'm ready.

---