Pictures from our trip

Okay, I have to admit, I felt kind of bad for my snarky attitude in my last post about how I was going to take pictures but you guys wouldn't get to see them. I mean... that's not very nice. Here you've been loyal readers, putting up with my bullshit for all this time, and I can't even do you the favor of showing you pictures from our recent vacation? What kind of a blogger AM I, anyway?

So, I apologize. Please forgive me, and please enjoy this photographic evidence that my family and I actually left the house.

So, our first stop was in Santa Cruz, at the Beach Boardwalk, which is basically just the Santa Cruz We Will Take All Your Moneywalk. When we first arrived I bought a bottle of water and it was fucking FOUR DOLLARS. So I say "Damn." and the dude says "Yeah." and Child 2 says "How about we just give you a dollar for it?" and I say "I brought my negotiator with me today" and the dude says "Yeah, good luck with that on the Boardwalk."

I won't tell you how much money we spent there. Nobody needs to know that.

Anyway, here are the kids playing some "squirt the water and win a cheap prize that costs less than you paid to play the game" game. Hubs won a shitty little fucking turtle thing.

Here's me looking really surprised as I get smacked in the face with a shitload of water on my way down the Log Ride.

After the Boardwalk, we stayed at a hotel in Monterey for the night, where both of the kids decided to make videos of the experience. Child 2 got a great one of him and Hubs going to get ice. Riveting.

The next day we were off to the Monterey Bay Aquarium, which was actually really fun. There's so much cool shit to see there!! Fish, for instance:

Child 2 enjoying some fish

Child 1 also enjoying some fish

AND OMGPENGUINS:

I took notes on my phone for this trip, because Child 2 busts out with the funniest shit at any given moment. See that little dude standing next to Child 2? That kid is maybe 2, probably 18 months, and doesn't really talk much. But, he's pointing at the window and saying "PIN! PIN!" for penguin. Meanwhile, here's the very helpful Child 2, who for some reason is offended by this toddler's misuse of the English language, and tells him "Hey, you're saying 'penguin' wrong. HEY. You're saying it wrong! Okay, if you want to say 'penguin' right, copy me... pen.......... guin." Sadly, his efforts at teaching preschool weren't very successful.

And let's not forget this beautiful Moment of Love in the Aquarium

.....while Child 2 watches and yells "Hey! It's like one penguin riding another penguin!" and I say "okay... I think we're done here" and I usher him out the door...... but not before taking a picture.... of course.

Another cool thing the aquarium has is these touch screens where you draw a jellyfish:

and then "set it free" in the ocean:

I'll be honest with you guys.... the urge to draw a giant penis here was overwhelming.

Anyway.... all in all, the fish were neat, I guess, but I think we all know the real reason we spent hundreds of dollars to go on this trip:

worth it

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'kay... BYE!

We're taking a vacation!!

No, I'm serious. We're all getting in the car and we're leaving town.

For a whole day.

I know. You need a moment. That's okay, you can have one. Here's a story while you compose yourself:

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COMPOSURE STORY INTERLUDE

This morning, I'm in my car and I'm driving to work, when suddenly I look to my right and there's this.... strange woman .... who I've never in my life ever seen before. And she's giving me the weird kind of eyeball thing, as if to say "Yo. See my eyeball? Nice, right?"  (Which, in her defense, is true. It was a very nice eyeball.) She rolls down her window, and I naturally do the same, because what else am I going to do when some strange eyeball chick pulls up next to me? And she says "You're Jill, right?" And I said "uhhhhhhhhhhhh." No, actually I said "YES!" And she turned out to be my friend XLMIC who blogs here and tweets here. And I said "how did you know??" and then said her real name, because I didn't know how to pronounce XLMIC, and she said "because we have the same car, but yours has an autism sticker on it." I think we've had that conversation before. HEE HEE! That was fun.  Shit, I forgot to follow her down the street and find out where she lives. SHIT!

END OF COMPOSURE STORY INTERLUDE

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So, hubs is on vacation this week, and the kids are out of camp, and I somehow managed to not schedule any clients, so we're all gettin in the car and heading to Monterey to visit the aquarium.

We've been there before, but at the time, Child 2 wasn't even walking yet, and my memory of the trip is pretty much just this:

A toddler Child 2 expressing an opinion

This time, Child 1 doesn't have any sensory issues, really, and Child 2 not only walks, but talks (um. a LOT) and asks questions and knows science 'n shit, so I'm guessing we're going to have some good, wholesome family fun this time!

I'll take pictures. But you don't get to see them. Oh, that's unfortunate for you.

I just made this awkward. I apologize.

Anyway, I'm sure I'll still be tweeting, because I'm pretty sure I'm physically incapable of not doing that, but in the meantime... BYE! 

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Dinosaurs!! Fun for the kids! Educational! My biggest nightmare!

Run, Child 2!! RUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!

We're having a little staycation this week. Hubs is taking the week off and the boys both don't have camp. I have a little bit of work but not very much (I need more clients. *cough*). At first we were going to rent a house on the beach or something but I couldn't find anything for less than $600 for just a couple of days, so we decided to save our money and stay home, but have fun day trips every day. I figure wherever we go we're going to be spending a fuckload of money on fun day trips, anyway, this way we can still have them but get to sleep in our own beds at night. (At the end of this motherfucking staycation I'm going to add up everything we've spent on our goddamn motherfucking fun day trips, including the cost of motherfucking parking in the motherfucking Bay Area and I bet it adds up to much more than $600. Much, much more.)

Okay! So far we've been to the Aquarium of the Bay, in San Francisco. In the pouring rain. Awesome. And we've also been to our local science museum, where they have a dinosaur exhibit. Also awesome! There's a problem, though, with our museum having a dinosaur exhibit. (It might help you to go and read this post before I continue, that way what I'm about to say will make more sense. Then again, you might go and read that post and what I'm about to say will still make no sense. That's probably because much of what I say makes no sense and all the background research in the world isn't going to help either of us. But you know what? There are no guarantees in life. Give it a try, anyway.)

So... our problem with a dinosaur exhibit? Yeah. I can't pronounce any of the dinosaur names, even if most of them have convenient signs, like the one below.

"Uhhhhhhhh-PAT-uhhhhhhhhhhh-SOAR.....uhh........... this is called the Deceptive Lizard."

Okay, so... is the universe just fucking with me? Is this some kind of karmic retribution for all of my many dastardly deeds? If so, I don't appreciate your hijinx, Universe. I do not appreciate them AT ALL. This one was the worst. You're supposed to step on a scale and see how your weight compares to all these dinosaurs on the chart.

Hey, look! You weigh as much as a.... as a..... GODDAMMIT!

Luckily Child 2 doesn't know any better and doesn't seem to care much that he's not actually learning the correct names for any of these. He knows how to say "T-Rex," which is really all he cares about at the moment. YAY! We're learning stuff during the summer!!

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I have a guest post up at TheBrokins.com with more stories about our adventures at the science museum; it's called Lessons In Autism. This one is more serious and I don't curse once. Can you believe that?? Only one way to find out....

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And now my arm hurts!

Our school has a fundraiser/dance every year where the kids get to "bid" on a fun and exciting outing with their favorite teachers. We never usually participate in these outings because the autie kid so totally doesn't want to see any person having anything to do with school if he's not in school. This year, of course, the sooper social Kindergartener wanted to do fun stuff with his teacher and friends, so we signed him up for the bowling outing.

mmmmmmmmmmm. Boooooowwwwwwwwwwwwling.........

A lovely idea, I think! Plus it helps the school (in a practically unnoticeable way, but whatever) So, a few weeks ago, I dropped him off at the bowling alley with his teacher (whom I totally adore and will miss very much next year). What I didn't know, however, was that we were in the process of creating a monster.

A bowling monster. Did you even know those existed? I had no idea. Maybe they didn't until a few weeks ago??????

Suddenly, all this kid wanted to do was go bowling. It was all he could talk about. Time to go to bed? "When can we go bowling tomorrow?" Time to go to school? "When I get home can we go bowling?" Going to the store? "Can we go bowling first?" Last week I took him to a grocery store called The Berkeley Bowl. Man was HE disappointed.

So... of course... being the overindulgent suckers that we are, hubs and I have done quite a bit of bowling over the past few weeks.

I actually think the shoes are kind of cute.

The first time we went, I reluctantly agreed because I figured, at the very least, I could get a blog post out of it. So, I brought my phone and took notes and pictures. I hadn't been bowling in at least 20 years, and I don't think I've ever done it sober (even when I was a kid!) and here's the first thing I learned about bowling this time around: I suck at bowling.

Seriously. I'm really bad. Despite Child 2's continued cries of "YOU CAN DO IT, MAMA!" in my first game I bowled a 50. Child 1 bowled a 76. And he throws the ball overhand.

Look at that. Right in the middle. Overhanded.

Okay, well, the kids were using bumpers. Hubs says: "we can put up the bumpers for you. There's no shame in it."

Child 2 was full of helpful suggestions, like "Mama, try to get it in the sweet spot" and "maybe you should try a lighter ball?" and the obligatory "well, Mama, you gave it your best shot!"

Thanks, kid.

I think the low point, however, came when the people in the lane next to me piped in with their helpful suggestion: "Try to aim for the arrows." Yeah. Thanks. I am aiming for the fucking arrows.

And then when the bowling is all over? There's the arcade section of the bowling alley, where they pour millions of tokens into these stupid ass games so that they can get tickets which they exchange for crap. CRAP. Little plastic pieces of shit is what they get for the hundreds and thousands of tokens they vomit into those goddamn things. Did I mention bowling was expensive? Bowling is fucking expensive.

This 2 cent piece of plastic cost me $473.25

As we went on, though, I could tell that I was getting better at it. I felt much less awkward after the first few games, and once I realized that when you throw the ball, if you actually look at it, you can aim better... then my score improved. Not by much, though.

I'm pretty sure we're in for a long summer of bowling and plastic crap. Who wants to kill me???

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(Just for the record, bowling is actually quite fun. Not only is it fun, but it's the only activity that we've found so far that we can all do as a family because Child 1 loves it, too; and it's very rare that there's anything that they both love and want to do. So, in all seriousness, I'm actually happy to go bowling whenever they want. Despite what I've said about it... SHHHHHH.... don't tell anybody I said bowling was fun...... I don't want to ruin my rep......)

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My kid is crazy & things we did today

I'm combining two unrelated topics into one post today, because that's just how I roll, baby. Also I think I've been posting too much. I've posted 51 times in the month of February! There are only 28 days in the month. If I were able to do math, I could tell you how many times a day I've been posting, but, ehhhh. I'm lazy, so you figure it out.  But don't let that stop you from voting for me. No, I'm serious. Seriously.

On the other hand, I'm sorry, I don't usually do politics, but this is pissing me off. To all of you who watched and enjoyed the Oscars last night, did you know that almost every single person who won and accepted an award last night is a member of a union? Do you watch movies? Do you enjoy talent? And the fashion? Do you have an opinion about what's going on in Wisconsin right now? Think about it.

The following stories are brought to you by the oligarchy in which we live. Thank you, rich people and corporate owners of America, who still allow me to have a computer and an internet connection. For now......

STORY THE FIRST

Tyger (formerly known as Child 2; this is going to take some time to get used to) is totally fucking nuts. We're hanging out, doing, uh... stuff?... and I think we were fake fighting or something? We do that sometimes. Fake fight. Anyway, he says "If you don't stop I'm going to have to start calling you 'Chicken Broth'!"

Chicken Broth? Yeah, I have no idea. But, I tell him "well, if I'm 'Chicken Broth' that makes you 'Mini Chicken Broth'."

"Mini Chicken Broth!!"

He's delighted.

And then he proceeds to name all of our cats in a similar manner.

Spike is Tiny Chicken Broth

Spot is Tiny Chicken Broth with Spots

McDougal is Scaredy Chicken Broth

Charlie is Fat Chicken Broth ("because he's fat")

And then he starts running back and forth and SCREAMING "TINY CHICKEN BROTH! TINY CHICKEN BROTH!! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! TINY CHICKEN BROTH! TINY CHICKEN BROTH!!"

Seriously, man, the kid is fucking nutballs.

I don't know where he gets it from.

Also: here's the library book he checked out this week:

Seriously? Enough already, kid. Come on.

STORY THE SECOND

We took the boys out on their scooters today. Apparently there's this jogging/biking path that goes through town. Seriously, I've lived here for 12? years and I can't believe I never knew about this thing. It's perfect for scootering, particularly since it's right underneath the BART tracks.

They were fucking adorable. (Can I say "fucking" here?) They were so fucking adorable. And Bart (Child 1. Seriously, man, this is really hard) is surprisingly good at scootering. This is a kid with hyptertonia who will NEVER be an athlete, but I was damn impressed at how gracefully he rode his scooter. Considering that they were Hanukkah gifts, and it's only March, I'm incredibly impressed at how good he's gotten at it.

Tyger was doing his best to keep up with his brother, but he is shorter and clumsier and it was so awesome how hard he was trying. This is the first time ever that I've seen them have one of those "big/little brother" moments where the little one wants to be like the big one. It was very very sweet.

"Wait for me, Bart!"

This is perfect because you can just make out the BART logo on the train

OH MY GOD IT'S A BART TRAIN! IT'S A BART TRAIN! LOOK MAMA IT'S A BART TRAIN!!!!!!!!

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A day of 3 bridges

The Bay Bridge:

The Golden Gate Bridge:

The Richmond/San Rafael Bridge:

That child of mine had an awesome time. I'd say all that money on gas was worth it.

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Jerry Day!!!!

Awwww, it's Jerry!!  He actually looks a whole lot like Child 1's 2nd grade teacher

So, for those of you who don't know, today is August 1, which was the birthday of Jerry Garcia. This being the Bay Area, home of Jerry and the Grateful Dead, there is a concert every year to celebrate the life of Jerry and bring all the Bay Area deadheads together to remember Jerry and the Dead and the good ol' days. The show is held at the appropriately named Jerry Garcia Amphitheater, in San Francisco. We went last year for the first time and will probably make it an annual event.

This post will serve as both a description of our day as well as a reminder to myself of all the things I need to do/bring next year that I had forgotten about from the year before. Note to self: Read this post on July 31, 2011!

1. Bringing an autistic child who is afraid of dogs to a free outdoor hippie concert where the ratio of dogs to people is probably 1:10 is not necessarily a good idea. He was fine, if not a little bit nervous. Aversion therapy! says hubs. Right? Sure! Next time I'll just have to remember this so we can discuss it in advance.

2. Just because it's outdoors doesn't mean smoke gets dissipated or smells don't still waft if you know what I'm sayin'. Next year bring a gas mask for the kids!

3. There is VIP parking there, and you can get your name on the list by being part of the production or I guess knowing somebody. I've been chatting with the organizers of this thing on Facebook for the past few months and I probably could have gotten my name on the list if I had asked. Note to self: CHAT THEM UP FOR A FREE PARKING SPACE NEXT YEAR. Not only did we have to park about 6 miles away, we got lost on the way back to finding our car. But the parking lot is just right there! Hopefully I will remember this for next time.

Here are some interesting bits of knowledge I gained from today's activities:

1. Child 2 picked up on The Hippie Dance really quickly. In fact, I don't think he even saw anybody else doing it, he just started doing it on his own. He said he was like a bird flying. (all I know is something like a bird within him sang??)

It's the arms that really make it work

2. These are pretty much all of the same people I went to shows with when the band was playing 15+ years ago, yet none of them seem to have any kids. They just got older and crazier and higher and gained about 100 dogs each, but no kids. Why is that?

That's actually all I can think of right now because I'm tired, but if I come up with any more pearls of wisdom for you, you can be sure I will update this post with them. In the meantime, here's a video I found while looking for hippies dancing. Enjoy!

A lovely view of heaven but I'd rather be with you.

UPDATE:

This picture just seems appropriate for right here.....

 

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