More about circles, but this time they're *supposed* to be funny

If you've been reading for a while, you may remember that a year or so ago I was quite, um... invested, shall we say, in my ranking on Top Mommy Blogs. Yeah, I wrote about it ... a few times.

See, I can be kind of, oh, I don't know, what's the word? Obsessive? Okay, I'll use that word, I guess: I can be kind of obsessive about things sometimes.

I know, right?? Can you even believe that?? I mean... ME?? Obsessive??? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!






*awkward silence*






Sooooooo, anyway..... I drove you guys nuts for a few months, begging for your clicks and chastising you for not clicking, and in general kind of being a nutty bitch about the whole thing. Eventually I forced myself to give up because I was starting to drive even myself crazy with the whole thing. This was very freeing, because the thing is, I really don't like doing shit like that. I'm uncomfortable "promoting" myself. I feel like a whore; and not the good kind of whore, either.  I have no problem helping you guys whore yourselves for things; in fact I support that 100% ! I just don't like doing it for myself. It feels weird and wrong and weird. And wrong. This is why I'll never write a book. Or run for office. (Actually, the real reason I'll never run for office is that there are wayyy too many skeletons that would come jumping out, screaming their bony asses off if I were ever under a spotlight, and I don't think anybody really needs to know about those).

So, here's the thing. I've been nominated again as one of the Top 25 Funny Moms on Circle of Moms, and, well... I think that's cool, for a few reasons. One of them is that I didn't nominate myself (seriously); somebody else nominated me, and I don't know who it was. In fact, I was also nominated last year, and I ended up actually being one of the Top 25 Funny Moms, and I still don't exactly know how that happened.

Anyway, I think this is cool, and I'm quite flattered by the whole thing (even if I think Amber should beat me because she's just funnier than I am, in my opinion), which is why I'm mentioning it here in this post. I would like to say thank you to whomever it was that nominated me for this, and I while I don't want to become obsessive about the whole thing (like last time) I also don't want to completely ignore it, because that would be ungracious and ungrateful and snobby and awkward.

SO. I am putting the linky/graphic thingy in my sidebar over there <--------------- (the one at the TOP, not to be confused with the one down further in the sidebar, which is my bragging trophy from last year) and I will not mention it again. I promise! No begging, no mentioning of what my ranking happens to be at any particular point in time, no NOTHING!

MOTHERFUCKING PINKY SWEARS.

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The real brains behind the blog (like we didn't already know) & other stuff

Friday morning early, the first words out of my mouth are "It's Friday!" Hubs says "Okay, that's it....." and goes to YouTube and plays for me that godawful Rebecca Black song that he's been threatening me with for days now. If you don't know what I'm talking about, just be happy, and whatever you do, for the love of god don't Google it. It's the worst song ever written and will end up in your head for all eternity. I'd heard about it from Twitter and reddit but I had refused to actually listen to it because I knew I would be cursed. Apparently Hubs had decided it was time. Thanks.

You've been warned

Anyway, he plays this god awful song which turns out to be, in fact, god awful, and then he starts singing along "It's Friiii-day, it's Friiii-day" and Child 2, who happens to be eating hash browns at the time, sings along with "Because I'm eating friiiiiied food, friiiiiied food."

I start laughing and I tell him "I'm sorry, I'm going to have to blog that."

Child 2 is very excited at the idea of me blogging something that he said, which surprised me because I didn't realize he knew what it meant, so I ask him "Do you know what blogging means?"

"Yes," he says "because you show me all the time" (I do? Okay). "You type in something that happens in real life and send it to somebody else's computer."

And hubs says: "Mama types funny stuff and everybody likes to read her stories."

To which Child 2 responds "yeah, but they come from me."

True story. They do come from him.

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Do you think Child 2 is funny? If so, please vote for him!

Right now he's #12 in the Top 25 Funny Mom Bloggers at Circle of Moms. Voting ends Monday so please don't let him down. He's only 5 and would be crushed if he didn't end up in the top 25. How do you explain that kind of thing to a child?? So, please take a moment to click on the pink circle thingy and then click on the orange thumbs up dealie. THANKS!

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I woke up this morning after a night of drinking and having an uncomfortable dinner with my husband and his divorced parents (where I drunkenly chatted on and on about god knows what in order to fill the awkward silences) and I found an untitled new post in my drafts folder. This is all it contained:



What do you think I was trying to say here? I should ask Child 2.

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I am very disappointed

I'd like to call your attention to the number underneath the juggling chick's boobs over there

<---------------- that way

Do you see that number?

That's the number 4.

That is not the number 2. Or even the number 3.

No. That's a 4.

And do you know why that's a 4 and not the 2 that it once was?

Do you?

Huh?

Do you ???

It's because you people don't click enough.

There. I said it. I'm sorry it had to come to this but it's time I was finally honest with you.

This is your fault.

See, I'm watching you, in my site stats; and I see you ... those of you who come here every day, expecting the free funny. Yeah, that's right, you just suck up all the funny and you give me nothing in return.  

Not one single click.  

And I know who you are, you know.

Oh, yes, I know who each of you are (uh... for the most part) and I SEE YOU when you read and don't click.

And.... I'm remembering. I'm like a fucking elephant with the remembering. I will remember these acts that you have perpetrated against me. You with your "I want the free funny!" and "I don't want to have to click on anything while I'm here!!" and "WAAAAAHHHH MY FINGER IS TOO TIRED"  YOU SOUND LIKE MY 5 YEAR OLD! 

Even if you don't actually say these things... you sound like my 5 year old ... in my head.

I'm going to give you people the weekend to make it up to me by clicking here. Until then, I will be in my bedroom ... under the covers ... pouting. My lower lip will actually be sticking out the entire time. AND POSSIBLY QUIVERING. At some point I may emerge so that I can go to the bathroom and quietly cry to myself, but then I'll go straight back to bed and pout some more.

So, think about that, people. Think about me, this weekend, doing that. Do you feel guilty? Do you feel responsible?

And if you don't make it up to me by the end of the weekend? If you don't? When I resume blogging on Monday, or on whatever day I forget I'm supposed to be pouting, from that point forward I'm going to blog about nothing but kittens. Kittens.... and rainbows.

Is that what you want?

Is that what you want?? 

Because that's what you'll get if you don't make this up to me.

Think about it.

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