I REALLY need to monitor this child's library usage better

My kids both go to the same elementary school, which has a wonderful library with a wonderful librarian whom I adore. (On Child 1's first day of Kindergarten, I hid out in the library for hours after his day started so that I could spy on him, because the library is right next to the Kindergarten yard. She let me hang out as long as I wanted so we got to be friends. She's great; a total nutjob, though. You can see why we get along so well).

Child 1 has never been much of a library book checker-outer. In fact, he usually checks out a book and then it stays in the classroom. I'm fine with this. Seriously, we have enough books in our house, we are not wanting for any reading material. Every "occasion" they will both get massive piles of books; I swear, we've got them piled up in every corner of the house. So, we don't often find ourselves at the library, which is good, because I'm really bad at remembering to return them. However, the school has a library and every class goes there once a week (I'll keep my rant about local parcel tax funding to myself, thank you very much!)

Child 2, it turns out, is a fan of the library, and LOVES to check books out. Not much of a surprise considering that he basically taught himself to read when he was 4. The problem, though, is that he's in this dinosaur book phase, and the books he chooses out are waaayyyy above his (and my) reading level which means, unfortunately, the task of reading them to him falls onto me (or hubs, but unfortunately he works so much he doesn't often get the chance. bummer for all involved). I, however, am simply unable to pronounce the majority of the words in the books that he chooses. So, every Thursday, when he comes home with a new book, I always dread looking into his backpack and seeing what he's brought home this time, because I know it's just going to be a shitload of words that I can't say.

(Did you know that what they teach you about dinosaurs today are completely different from what we learned when we were kids? The Brontosaurus? GONE. WTF? Replaced by the Apatosaurus, which at least I can pronounce, but also about a hundred new ones that are SIMPLY IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO SAY.)

So, when I encounter an impossible to pronounce word, which I do... in every paragraph, I am quickly faced with one of three options.

EXAMPLE

The problem text: "Coelurosauravus had ribs that grew out from the sides of its body."

Option 1: I do my best to sound out the offensive word as accurately as possible. Except, I drag out every syllable because I'm being careful and I probably end up butchering it, anyway. Child 2 loves this option because I sound like an idiot and he thinks that's hilarious

Cooooo eeeeeee lllll uu rrrrrrr ooooooooo ssss aaaaaa uuuuuuu rrrrrr aaaaaaaa vvvvvvv uuuuuuuuuu ssssss had ribs that grew out from the sides of its body.

Option 2: I'm going to quickly spit out, to the best of my ability, whatever is the easiest way to get past that goddamn word

Coloravus had ribs that grew out from the sides of its body.

Option 3: Fuck it, I'm not even going to bother

This guy had ribs that grew out from the sides of its body.

I like that last one, and for some reason, he doesn't notice.

Seriously, though, kid. Is Go Dog, Go just not good enough for you? SHIT! Give a Mama a break, here, would you??

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