xmlns:og='http://ogp.me/ns#' Yeah. Good Times.: The Dive Bar Welcomes: Super Sister Mum

Sunday, April 15, 2012

The Dive Bar Welcomes: Super Sister Mum

Today's contributor has asked to remain anonymous, but at least she provided me with a name I could use so that I wouldn't have to think of one, myself. Thanks! :)

Dearest father,

Guess how old I was when you started cheating on mum?
Guess what age I was when I used to lay down on the ground and pretend to be dead?
I wanted to die. You made home life that bad. Did you even know that? I was suicidal since I was 12. 12! I tried killing myself for the next 9 years. Only this year, when I am 20 have I decided that maybe I want to live.
I knew what porn was at the age of 11. I knew what it was like to watch your mother fall apart, to have her bear her soul because she didn't have anyone else to talk to but me. I listened to her. Who do you think looked after the younger two? I did. I was and still am Sister Mum.
That's been my job for the last 9 years.
Protecting MY family from YOU.
I was a kid! You always wondered I got bad grades but did you ever stop and thought that maybe I was too busy trying to hold everyone together from the mess that you helped created? That's where all of my energy went.
You said to me not so long ago that “you didn't cheat on mum.”


You know that's a fucking lie.
You may have thought that you could get away with saying that to the youngest child, she was only 5 when you started. She might not have remembered the time we caught you with your pants down masturbating to a girl on a web cam or maybe all of the phone calls declaring your love for them or any of that other shit.
I do. I was fucking there.
By the way? She remembers. She thought it was normal. She knows better now. You disgust her to the point where if she hears your voice she wants to punch you.

Maybe if it was just one girl, one time, we could be more forgiving.
But it wasn't.
It was women after women.
Time after time.
Multiple women, all gold diggers, all of them you gave money to them whilst our own roof leaked. All whores that didn't care that they broke up a family, just how much money could you send them. Money enough for one of them to build a fucking POOL. Yeah, we had our own pool. A pool of neglect.
Mum paid all of the bills because she loved you that much. So that /we/, her children would have a roof over our heads. She couldn't take care of us emotionally but she could at least do that much. I looked after them and Mum herself. Now I think that I'm a better parent to my siblings than my own mother is. She's put back together and I still think I am. That's fucked up and sick.

We moved out in a week 6 years ago when we found out that you went back to the Philippines. We LEFT you and yet, you still act like nothing has happened. You actually gloated this year that even after 9 years of constant cheating mum hadn't divorced you. She was still your 'wife'. You still keep on trying to suck all of us back in. You still manage it and I'm tired of playing your games. We left that house over 6 years ago and you still come around every weekend.
We LEFT to get away from you!
I'm in therapy trying to get away from you!

Did you even know that we found the engagement ring you bought for one of them? We were in transit, in Singapore, just returned from a trip in china. Yeah, we found the letters you arse hole. Mum and I. We saw the ring, the secret camera with all of the pictures. I remember. You weren't even separated from Mum at that time when you went over there, paid for her entire extended family to stay in a hotel and asked for her hand in marriage in Tagalog.

I was there when you had your laptop background picture of 'Cheryl' in my mothers own family house. I was there sitting on the table when my grandmother was so in tears that my auntie had to translate from Chinese to English. "We trusted her with you. We trusted you! How could you do this to her?" My grandmother hates you. She says that my mother has a big heart, too big of a heart. You take advantage of that. It's true, you do. If you can't, you just create drama. With me. With my younger sister. You thrive off it.
And most recently? I was there when I watched you transfer money over to them this year. Again, in my mother's maternal house. At another holiday. Which mum only let you come because it was my brothers 18th birthday over there. One that you begged to go and then complained about it the entire time.

I don't know how you could deny it.
Your own daughter is on MEDICATION.
Depression, anxiety, eating disorders.
And yet? You still have NO FUCKING CLUE that maybe, just maybe it has something to do with you.
The cuts she has on her legs, the fact that she refused to eat so many times, how many fights mum and I had because I flat out refused to eat anything at all.
Because I didn't want to be a 'woman'. I didn't want to be preyed on by men like you.
You actually had the gall to say “It's not my fault. What did I do?”.
Not once but multiple of times.
I went through TWO abusive relationships both lasting over a year, one lasting for 4, because I didn't know better. That was just how men treating women. One of told me when I was 14 to slit my wrists and fucking die because no one would miss me dead. Cheating after cheating, lies after lies.
I thought it was /normal/.

I went to guidance consoler for years. I told her about how you used to kiss my shoulder, my neck, stick your tongue in my ear and shit like that. She told me that I didn't have enough of a case.
But it was enough. I am terrified to leave my youngest sister alone with you. Mum is terrified too. Maybe not to the same degree that I am but enough that she doesn't want my sister there without my brother. I didn't tell her all of the times you slapped me hard enough to leave a hand print. How you would threaten me just because I didn't do what you said.


And YOU are the one that is fucked up in the head. I made my choice given the cards I was dealt with. YOU are the one that put me in that situation. That is on YOU. Not me but you.

Guess what the kicker is? Even after all of those years, even now, he still thinks he is a good person.
You aren't.
I'm ashamed I'm even related to you.

Here is two words of advice.

My ideal future does not have you in it.
Get the fuck out of my life!
- Your eldest daughter.