Sometimes I say the stupid things that I think

But SOMETIMES I think first!

No really!!

I had this experience today where I thought about it before I said it and I'm so proud of myself I thought you guys might like to celebrate this minor victory with me.

(First of all, you know that's a line from a song, right? I put the video below so you can listen while you read)

So you know how I'm always talking about how I need to learn how to think first and then talk? Well! Today I was in Target (of all places) and I had bought these crappy one dollar bubble blowy thingy whatevers with these long handles; the handles kept falling off and the cashier was trying to put them back on but they kept falling again. So, I took over and figured it out. Here is the conversation that took place

STAR WIPE

Cashier: These handles keep falling off

Me: Well, they're only a dollar, I can't really expect high quality here. Lemme try....

Shove handle back on

Me: Got it!

Cashier: Good job, what did you do?

Me: I just had to give it a really good shove.


What immediately went through my head after I said that was "hey, just like my kids!" and normally I would have just busted out with that gem, and the cashier would have done one of those nervous not-sure-if-you're-actually-kidding kind of laughs with the sideways glance and shoved me out the door as fast as possible because even if I was kidding I'm still definitely crazy. THIS time, however, I thought about it first and decided NOT to say that and instead we ended our monetary exchange in a very pleasant manner.

See what I did there? I'm learning! I'm almost becoming a kind of grown up! I thought you guys would be proud of me. YAYY ME!!!!

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The Z word

So, we're all aware of the controversy surrounding The R Word. Romance. No, I'm kidding, I mean retard or retarded. I know a lot of people who have lots of differing opinions about it: some people are incredibly offended by its use and want it banned, because it's offensive, and it is, really. Others take the Lenny Bruce approach: it's just a word, and words by themselves have no power, it's the intent in which it's used, and then taken, that gives it its power, so we should use them often, because making them commonplace will make them lose their power.

I understand and sympathize with both of these opinions. Myself, I'm torn on the issue. On the one hand, I'm uncomfortable by it, not because I think it's offensive, but because I think it's unoriginal. As a sarcastic zinger (a topic in which I am well versed) it's not really very funny, and as a harsh cut down (another topic I know something about) I think it's just unoriginal. In my opinion, if you're a person who uses the word retard or retarded on a regular basis, you're probably pretty low class, and I don't think you're funny or interesting. On the other hand, I do believe in the Lenny Bruce school of thought, that words, themselves, are meaningless, etc. etc. and people take things too seriously these days. On the other hand, however, if anybody ever says it to my kid with autism, I'll flatten your ass to the ground in 2 seconds flat. I assure you that if I ever learn about the word being used about my kid at the school, we will all be forced into general assemblies and workshops so we can learn about alternative ways to express ourselves.

So, I'm torn. This morning, though, we're standing on the sidewalk in front of school and Child 2 asks me to zip up his sweatshirt because he's cold. I was having some trouble jamming the little pointy metal thingy into the little metal zippy thingy and he says "what's taking so long, I'm freezing!" and I said "I'm sorry! I guess I'm ziptarded."

So, I guess I'm perfectly okay with its use as long as it's self-deprecating. Oy.

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