Things I Find In My House #18

It's like somebody sat there, petting a cat, and thinking "I think Jill needs something to blog about. Hey it's a plate of discarded cheese slices! Let's make this happen for her!!" At least that's what I assume is the explanation for this plate I discovered in my TV room.....

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Things I Find In My House 17

Okay, technically this isn't IN my house, this is the backyard. Close enough. Because that's spaghetti on that slide there. Probably best it's outside, actually.

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Things I Find In My House #16

This would be perfectly appropriate in December....

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Things I find in my house 15

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Things I Find In My House

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Things I Find in my House: What is that... I don't even....

So, it's the 4th of July, the fireworks are done and the kids have gone to bed, and suddenly I look and I see this thing lying in the doorway of my TV room, right? And I squeal "OH MY GOD THAT STICK LOOKS LIKE A PENIS..... hee hee hee hee hee!!!!" and I run to find my phone to take a picture, because I knew you guys would want to see this penis stick thing that's lying in my doorway.

Except, while I'm bending over awkwardly taking said picture, behind me Hubs says to my ass "You realize you're a 41 year old woman, right?" So I say "HEY, FUCK YOU!" and then I fucking tackled him from the side, military style, and we rolled around on the floor fighting like they do in Buffy, and eventually I shanked him in the leg with a phillips screwdriver I found underneath the coffee table and then ran off into the night screaming about the wolves that were chasing me.

At some point in the story above I may have slightly strayed from the truth, but the specifics don't really matter, because OMG LOOK! IT'S A STICK THAT LOOKS LIKE A PENIS!!!!!!!

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Things I Find In My House 12

uhhhhh..... doesn't somebody need that somewhere.... or something /

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Things I Find In My House 11

Haven't done one of these in a while! And, I assure you, it's not for a lack of thing finding, it's mostly for a lack of going and getting a camera-ing. If this series is new to you, you can see the rest of the found things here. I find some interesting things in my house....

Uhhhhhhhhh.

You know what? I'm just going to call this one "art" and move on. I know that's silly putty as the anchor, but those stick things? No idea. Then again, we did have a birthday party this weekend so it was probably something out of the goodie bag. Let's hope that's what those are, anyway.

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Things I Find In My House X

Oh my god, what is that?

Oh my god.

OH MY GOD. WHAT IS THAT? 

OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD.

WHATISTHATWHATISTHATWHATISTHATWHATISTHATWHATISTHATWHATISTHATWHATISTHAT?????????????

UPON

CLOSER

INSPECTION

Okay. That's that fake mustache we got at the bowling alley last week. That is NOT, in fact, a piece of poop.... lying on the floor... in Child 1's room.

Well.

I know what to do with THIS problem.

image courtesy of stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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I can read the writing on the walls

Or, in this case, the windowsills.

Technically I should be discouraging my kids from writing on the windowsills, but.... I kinda like this one :)

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Things I Find In My House 9

CATS. Fucking everywhere.

One side of my desk (yeah, I know. it's messy)

The other side of my desk

Clean laundry

Dirty laundry

MY chair

Circlin round my ankles

Trying to play Rock Band

Shelf

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Things I Find In My House VIII

This is what happens when you cross a 5 year old with a label maker.

EDIT: He had help with the spelling. He's smart... but he's not THAT smart.

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Things I Find In My House VII

Yeah, you know what? This is not actually a fun discovery first thing in the morning, pre-contact lens insertion AND pre-caffeine.

I thought it was real at first. Then I took a closer look

I'm pretty sure real lizards aren't usually that bright a shade of yellow.

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Things I Find In My House VI

Child 1 goes through these phases where he draws something again and again and again. He goes through reams of paper and buckets of markers. People who work in offices with me are used to giving me all of their one-sided white paper (it HAS to be white paper) so that I can take it home for him. It is not unusual for me to find a pile of 20-30 pieces of paper in a pile on my desk, all with the same thing drawn on it, and all having been produced in about a 30 minute period.

Right now he draws BART tracks. The dudes you see above were a phase he went through a few years ago. I have no idea what they are or why they're so adorable; I haven't seen them in a long time, though. I just found this in the back of a drawer as I was doing laundry. What's funny about this is that it was drawn on the back of the "2008-2009 PTA Budget."

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Things I find in my house V

Go, little dude, go!! Be the best Tony Hawk that you possibly can be!!!

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Things I find in my house IV

WHAT. THE FUCK. IS THAT?

Oh. Oh, I see. It's a broken piece from that glow-in-the-dark pitchfork that Child 2 used as part of his Halloween costume. Right. That makes sense. Okay, good. Phew.

See, here's what a complete pitchfork looks like. I couldn't find a picture of this actual item, but you get the idea. Why? What did you think that was???

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Things I find in my house III

This is the drum set for Rock Band 2. Those red dots on the pads? Little carefully placed pieces of Play-doh. :)

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Things I find in my house II

You just can't make this shit up. Well, actually you can; in fact, it would probably be pretty easy, but I'm not.

Damn that door is dirty.


UPDATE:

This is what we found a few hours later. Apparently the cats were pissed to be stuck outside in the rain so they just muscled their way inside.

UPDATE 2:

Uh-oh. Looks like Rexie here was involved in an "incident." Cats are such bitches.

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Things I find in my house

Today I bring you another new series: Things I Find in My House. This is probably the 3rd or 4th "series" I've started, but none of the other ones have actually turned out to be a "series" of anything, it's only ever that first thing I think of. I think, at this point, you can safely predict that this will be the only one of these I tell you about. But that's no reason why we can't still be optimistic, right?

Yeah. Glad we cleared that up. So, here is today's Thing I Found in My House. It's a frisbee full of cheerios! YAY!!!!

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