This was drawn all in purple because we have no yellow dry erase markers that Child 1 finds acceptable and purple is the only color we have that isn't actually a color of one of the lines.
and for comparison purposes
Showing posts with label Awesome. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Awesome. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Sunday, July 29, 2012
He tries to lie, but he's just so adorably BAD at it
The other day I'm sitting in my office when Child 1 enters the room. Very very obviously trying to conceal a bag of chips underneath his shirt, he asks me if I can help him find the scissors.
Scissors? Gee, I wonder why he needs those? Perhaps to open a bag of chips, do you think? So I ask him "Say, Child 1, what's that under your shirt, there?"
"Nothing, huh? Because it kind of looks to me like you've got a bag of chips or something under there."
He is so fucking adorable.
I gave him the scissors.
Scissors? Gee, I wonder why he needs those? Perhaps to open a bag of chips, do you think? So I ask him "Say, Child 1, what's that under your shirt, there?"
"Nothing, huh? Because it kind of looks to me like you've got a bag of chips or something under there."
He is so fucking adorable.
I gave him the scissors.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
The funniest thing I've seen all week
This is the birthday card that Child 1 made for his brother. I don't know what it means, I'm not even going to try to analyze it. I just think it's hilarious. (I obviously changed it slightly).
Monday, April 16, 2012
Child 2 has a dream
This was Child 2's assignment for Martin Luther King Jr. day. It says "I hope people don't play inappropriate games."
Friday, January 27, 2012
TGIF, bitches! Also, though? A story scaffold
Today you can find me over at Just Jennifer's place, talking about stuff that makes me happy. There are drawings. Of me...... messing with my kid. *giggle* Because messing with my kid's head makes me happy.....
Here's something else that makes me happy, though. This is a scan of some class work that Child 2 brought home yesterday. I've erased the names, but this was (soooo obviously) done by him and a girl, and it's just so goddamned adorable I can even stand it. I've transcribed it below, since 6 year old handwriting is hard to read for some reason (I corrected the grammar and punctuation because I'm anal like that, I'm anal like that, I'm anal like that, I'm anal like that.....)
Story Scaffold
Title of Story: Barbie and Yoshi
This story begins when Yoshi falls into Barbie's world
The problem is Yoshi can't get back
The next thing that happens is Barbies find Yoshi
Then Barbie says "what the heck?"
After that, Yoshi puts Barbie in his mouth
The problem is solved when Yoshi gets back to his own world.
There is just so much awesome there, I can't even describe it....
Happy Friday! YAY!!
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Mama takes a staycation
Hubs and both kids have gone to Lake Tahoe for 3 days.
I'm all alone in my house until Friday.
I have a very long list of things that I'd like to get accomplished during this time, like clean out that junk drawer in the kitchen and go through my old clothes and take a bunch to the thrift store.
The first thing I did, of course, was take a 3 hour nap. Then I spent 3 hours making this rage comic. Hopefully you guys will appreciate it, even if you don't read rage comics.
I make no guarantees for my state of mind over the next 3 days, or what kind of crap will end up on this blog of mine.....
I hope you will consider joining me on this journey.
This journey of awesomeness.
I'm all alone in my house until Friday.
I have a very long list of things that I'd like to get accomplished during this time, like clean out that junk drawer in the kitchen and go through my old clothes and take a bunch to the thrift store.
The first thing I did, of course, was take a 3 hour nap. Then I spent 3 hours making this rage comic. Hopefully you guys will appreciate it, even if you don't read rage comics.
I make no guarantees for my state of mind over the next 3 days, or what kind of crap will end up on this blog of mine.....
I hope you will consider joining me on this journey.
This journey of awesomeness.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Scripting done right
Lately Child 2 has been really into playing Rock Band; he's a terrible singer and he often makes me play with him so that I can sing, too, so that he can hear how the song is supposed to go. He usually "picks a setlist" and does between 10-20 songs each time, and often he'll pick his FAVORITE SONG IN THE ENTIRE WORLD more than once per set.
You guys know this song, right? I blogged about it a few times before: here and here. The lyric from the song is "One! Nothing wrong with me. Two! Nothing wrong with me. Three!.... etc."
Anyway, Child 1 has been walking around all afternoon scripting the song and saying "One! Nothing's wrong with me. Two! Nothing's wrong with me. Three! Nothing's wrong with me. Four! Nothing's wrong with me."
I wish I could tell him how awesome that is, because I simply cannot agree more: there is nothing wrong with him. I don't think he would get it, though. I'll have to try to remember this for when he's older and I can remind him....
Autism lesson: In case you didn't already know, "scripting" is something autistic people do where they repeat things they've heard; it's technically called "echolalia" (pronounced echo-lay-lee-ah). There are two types of echolalia: immediate echolalia, which is as it sounds, you ask "do you want juice?" and the kid responds with "do you want juice?" Delayed echolalia means they will repeat what they've heard after some time has passed, which is what we will call "scripting" or "reciting."
Update, from my friend Emily: "Scripting can also mean how we plan what we'll say in certain situations, whether it's something general like what to say when you meet somebody new or something specific like when I was pacing around my apartment last night rehearsing things that might come up in a specific conversation today."
Autism lesson: In case you didn't already know, "scripting" is something autistic people do where they repeat things they've heard; it's technically called "echolalia" (pronounced echo-lay-lee-ah). There are two types of echolalia: immediate echolalia, which is as it sounds, you ask "do you want juice?" and the kid responds with "do you want juice?" Delayed echolalia means they will repeat what they've heard after some time has passed, which is what we will call "scripting" or "reciting."
Update, from my friend Emily: "Scripting can also mean how we plan what we'll say in certain situations, whether it's something general like what to say when you meet somebody new or something specific like when I was pacing around my apartment last night rehearsing things that might come up in a specific conversation today."
Thursday, October 13, 2011
I'm on BlogHer!!!
Oh, yeah, baby. You read me. BlogHer!
<--------- Now I get to put the little graphic dealie in my sidebar. I'm fairly certain this increases my blog's awesomeness by at least 52.5%
AT LEAST.
The giveaway is still going on so if you want the book and haven't yet told me, tell me!! I'll probably pick some (lucky) winners over the weekend.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
If you've met one autistic person then you've met one autistic person
When discussing autistic people, "professionals" often say that a common trait is a lack of empathy. I have always held the belief that this is complete horseshit and that my child with autism has more empathy than your average typical adult. I know this, because I know my kid, but others might not notice it because he's bad at verbally communicating his feelings: a much more common trait among autistic people. A typical person expects a certain emotional reaction to specific circumstances and when they don't get that from the autistic person they will assume that it's because that person lacks empathy, when the truth is that they're just bad at telling or showing you how they're feeling.
I've talked before about how Child 2 is the best possible "social skills" teacher for Child 1, and every day I see Child 1 becoming more and more verbal about his feelings and opinions. Have I mentioned that's awesome? Because that's awesome.
Last night Child 2 was having a hissy fit about something or other, I don't even remember what it was about, does it matter? He's very dramatic. And loud. Did I mention loud? Because he's loud. At the time Child 1 was in his room on his computer, an activity that they often share, usually against Child 1's objections. As Child 2 is crying and carrying on, I hear Child 1 yell to him from the other room "HEY! CHILD 2! COME HERE AND LOOK AT THIS!"
Child 2 continues to cry and whine, and so Child 1 tries again: "CHILD 2! COME HERE AND CHECK THIS OUT! IT'S REALLY COOL!" This gets his attention and Child 2 stops his tantrum and goes into the room to see what's going on. Within seconds they are both laughing at whatever it is they're looking at on the screen.
That has never happened before; Child 1 has never invited Child 2 to come and share his personal space. Usually what happens is that I'll hear "MAMA! Make Child 2 leave me alone" and I did hear that about 5 minutes later, but not before the tantrum was ended and Child 2 was laughing and feeling better. Child 1 intentionally went outside his comfort zone in order to make his brother feel better, if even just for a minute or two.
Lack of empathy, huh? I don't think so....
I've talked before about how Child 2 is the best possible "social skills" teacher for Child 1, and every day I see Child 1 becoming more and more verbal about his feelings and opinions. Have I mentioned that's awesome? Because that's awesome.
Last night Child 2 was having a hissy fit about something or other, I don't even remember what it was about, does it matter? He's very dramatic. And loud. Did I mention loud? Because he's loud. At the time Child 1 was in his room on his computer, an activity that they often share, usually against Child 1's objections. As Child 2 is crying and carrying on, I hear Child 1 yell to him from the other room "HEY! CHILD 2! COME HERE AND LOOK AT THIS!"
Child 2 continues to cry and whine, and so Child 1 tries again: "CHILD 2! COME HERE AND CHECK THIS OUT! IT'S REALLY COOL!" This gets his attention and Child 2 stops his tantrum and goes into the room to see what's going on. Within seconds they are both laughing at whatever it is they're looking at on the screen.
That has never happened before; Child 1 has never invited Child 2 to come and share his personal space. Usually what happens is that I'll hear "MAMA! Make Child 2 leave me alone" and I did hear that about 5 minutes later, but not before the tantrum was ended and Child 2 was laughing and feeling better. Child 1 intentionally went outside his comfort zone in order to make his brother feel better, if even just for a minute or two.
Lack of empathy, huh? I don't think so....
Friday, September 9, 2011
No liquids were harmed during the making of this post
My friend Dawn who blogs at This Side of Typical has another thing that she does when not blogging and chasing kids around, which is to be an awesome seamstress/artist type person. Lately she's been into crocheting (I'm sorry but I simply have no idea how you spell that word) and recently she blogged about how she made a mug cozy for me. FOR ME!! She made one for me!!! And she sent it to me.
Because she's fucking awesome.
I must put this cozy to good use. No... not to "good" use, ..... to the best possible use that any cozy could ever be put to!
Okay, but here's the thing, though. This is a tea cozy... and I fucking hate tea. I really do. It's because when I was pregnant with Child 1, and I got sick or nauseous, the only thing I could ever really do for it was to drink some tea. I drank a lot of mint tea, and I drank throat coat, and I drank ginger tea... and after a while it became a joke with Hubs and me, that whenever anything was wrong with me, I should "have some tea!" and it really started to piss me off. So, ever since then, tea has done nothing but anger me. Yes, that's right: Tea makes me angry.
But look how adorable this tea cozy is!! You can tell it's just dying to make tea cozy.
It even has adorable-ass buttons in the back that wrap around the mug handle!!
I guess it could also be a coffee cozy, but... I don't know... since I hate tea, I somehow felt that this cozy was meant for bigger and better things.
So, I tried it out on some other options....
No... that clearly won't work. What else do I like to drink? Well, when I'm not drinking coffee, though, the only other non alcoholic beverage I like is water. So, maybe....?
Update, from Hubs:
Because she's fucking awesome.
I must put this cozy to good use. No... not to "good" use, ..... to the best possible use that any cozy could ever be put to!
Okay, but here's the thing, though. This is a tea cozy... and I fucking hate tea. I really do. It's because when I was pregnant with Child 1, and I got sick or nauseous, the only thing I could ever really do for it was to drink some tea. I drank a lot of mint tea, and I drank throat coat, and I drank ginger tea... and after a while it became a joke with Hubs and me, that whenever anything was wrong with me, I should "have some tea!" and it really started to piss me off. So, ever since then, tea has done nothing but anger me. Yes, that's right: Tea makes me angry.
But look how adorable this tea cozy is!! You can tell it's just dying to make tea cozy.
It even has adorable-ass buttons in the back that wrap around the mug handle!!
I guess it could also be a coffee cozy, but... I don't know... since I hate tea, I somehow felt that this cozy was meant for bigger and better things.
So, I tried it out on some other options....
I do drink a lot of coffee, so maybe like this?
No... that clearly won't work. What else do I like to drink? Well, when I'm not drinking coffee, though, the only other non alcoholic beverage I like is water. So, maybe....?
No, no.... I'm not sure this cozy was destined to be on a non-alcoholic beverage. I'd better keep trying. Beer! It fit perfectly around the beer bottle, except, sadly... I don't drink beer. That was for my college days, I have more mature, refined taste now. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.... no, I totally don't have that, I just don't drink beer because it makes me too full.....
I do enjoy champagne! It's the crack of alcohol, as hubs likes to say, and who am I to ever turn down any kind of crack? Actually.... I've said too much.... nevermind.....
Wine makes much more sense, especially during #wineparty, but it was pretty hard to hold the glass, and I was afraid of spilling on my awesome wine cozy.... maybe there's something that works better...
NOW we're getting somewhere, but again, I didn't want to spill and it wasn't very easy to hold the glass, especially after the fourth or fifth one of these that I tried it with. Not. Easy. At. All.
Y'know, I think I may be over thinking this thing, perhaps I should simplify?
Yeah. That's more like it.... much more like it..... Now we're talking!
But, just in case I still wanted that non alcoholic option....
Do you want a cozy made for you? You can totally have one! Just not for free, is the thing. That's not a problemo, is it? Go to Dawn's Facebook page for more info. And thank you, Dawn, for my awesome new vodka and Xanax cozy!!!!!!
Update, from Hubs:
Friday, May 27, 2011
Wow
Just now I walked into the room and Child 1 came up to me and started rubbing my, uh... front... area. Like... all over.
I said "Um. Huh?" Because it was... you know... the front area.
He says "I'm doing this because I love you" and then ran out of the room.
I kid you not he fucking stopped me in my tracks. I wanted to cry.
Oh.
That's good stuff, right there. Y'know... despite the inappropriateness of it all....
I said "Um. Huh?" Because it was... you know... the front area.
He says "I'm doing this because I love you" and then ran out of the room.
I kid you not he fucking stopped me in my tracks. I wanted to cry.
Oh.
That's good stuff, right there. Y'know... despite the inappropriateness of it all....
This post will definitely bring CFS to my house
I have no idea how or why but for some reason Child 2's favorite song is Bodies by Drowning Pool. I've mentioned that fact once before; in an awesome way.
I've also mentioned before that hubs and I play a lot of Rock Band on the weekends. The Child is usually our dancer/roadie; he boogies his little tushie off in the most adorable way. It was just a matter of time that he insist that he play, too, and.... of course.... there was only one song he wanted to do.
It's really just too awesome not to share, I have to say, despite the fact that Child and Family Services will probably be paying us a visit later, due to the extreme inappropriateness of a 5 year old singing this song (lyrics here). He did the whole thing but this is just a snippet:
And how did he do, you wonder?
86%. On fucking expert. That's better than I do on some songs.
Today is Friday so we'll be doing it again tonight. I'll let you know if his score improves. (It probably will).
I've also mentioned before that hubs and I play a lot of Rock Band on the weekends. The Child is usually our dancer/roadie; he boogies his little tushie off in the most adorable way. It was just a matter of time that he insist that he play, too, and.... of course.... there was only one song he wanted to do.
It's really just too awesome not to share, I have to say, despite the fact that Child and Family Services will probably be paying us a visit later, due to the extreme inappropriateness of a 5 year old singing this song (lyrics here). He did the whole thing but this is just a snippet:
And how did he do, you wonder?
86%. On fucking expert. That's better than I do on some songs.
Today is Friday so we'll be doing it again tonight. I'll let you know if his score improves. (It probably will).
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Mostly Awesome
Before I begin, today you can also find me guest blogging at my friend Laura's place, Life in the House That Asperger Built. PLEASE go check it out, it's totally not about autism!!
I thought I would take some time today to talk about the awesomeness that is Child 2. I've been talking about Child 1's awesomeness a lot lately, and I realized that I've kinda been talkin shit about his brother. The truth is that despite his annoying NT antics, he really is made up of mostly awesome. This kid is amazing. He's hilarious, he's a freaking genius, he's fun, he's happy: He's awesome!! So, here are some stories about him, which will prove his awesomeness.
(By the way, I've taken, like, everybody's advice and OH MY GOD the past two weeks have been practically heaven. It's working SO WELL. YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME. I'm coming to you people for all my parenting needs from now on)
Last week was Spring Break so we had lots of time to kill! We spent one of those days at a science museum for kids, with Children 1 and 2 and a friend of C2. (And no other grownup, I might add. But I managed to survive it somehow). It was crowded, being Spring Break, and as usual there were a lot of Older Kids.
I hate Older Kids. They're big, they're relatively aggressive, especially in groups, and my little kids tend to get pushed out of the way when the Older Kids arrive, which is exactly what happened at some point when C2 and his buddy were playing at this table/ball thingy. The Older Kids came, took over the whole space, took the ball away, of course, and my little ones were pushed off to the side.
Usually when this happens I don't do anything because I like to watch and see how my kids will deal with the situation. Unless somebody actually asks me for help, or if somebody is just acting like a huge dick, I just sit and watch. And this is what I saw.
My little 5 year old, who was half the size of these kids, having been pushed out of the way and now was standing behind this new group, walks up to the back of one of the kids and whispers into the back of his head: "Let the bodies hit the floor, let the bodies hit the floor, let the bodies hit the flooooooooooor." Just like in the video, actually.
He's been singing this song a lot lately, and watching the video. I have no idea where he heard it from and oh my god it is so totally inappropriate for a 5 year old but that was one of the funniest fucking things I'd seen all day. I instantly pulled out my phone to take notes so that I could remember it later.
The older kid was like WTF?? and he totally moved away! It worked! Nice WORK, little man!!!
This incident reminded me of something that happened years ago, before he was even walking. It was way before I was blogging but I wrote about it on a message board that I run (hi Rards!!) so I can just copy and paste it here:
Earlier this morning, I had started planning this post in my head while I'm hanging out with him, and I said "Have I ever told you that I love you?" To which he responds: "Uh.... YEAH. Like three times a day! No, like ten times a day. No, like.... how many is it if you count by threes seven times?" "21," I say. "Yeah, like 21 times a day!"
Oh, hey! You made it to the bottom of the post! Did you forget to go to Laura's place and read my guest post? Well, here's that link again, just in case you need it. :)
It's about blogging. And awesomeness. Okay, it's about blogging.
I thought I would take some time today to talk about the awesomeness that is Child 2. I've been talking about Child 1's awesomeness a lot lately, and I realized that I've kinda been talkin shit about his brother. The truth is that despite his annoying NT antics, he really is made up of mostly awesome. This kid is amazing. He's hilarious, he's a freaking genius, he's fun, he's happy: He's awesome!! So, here are some stories about him, which will prove his awesomeness.
(By the way, I've taken, like, everybody's advice and OH MY GOD the past two weeks have been practically heaven. It's working SO WELL. YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME. I'm coming to you people for all my parenting needs from now on)
Last week was Spring Break so we had lots of time to kill! We spent one of those days at a science museum for kids, with Children 1 and 2 and a friend of C2. (And no other grownup, I might add. But I managed to survive it somehow). It was crowded, being Spring Break, and as usual there were a lot of Older Kids.
I hate Older Kids. They're big, they're relatively aggressive, especially in groups, and my little kids tend to get pushed out of the way when the Older Kids arrive, which is exactly what happened at some point when C2 and his buddy were playing at this table/ball thingy. The Older Kids came, took over the whole space, took the ball away, of course, and my little ones were pushed off to the side.
Usually when this happens I don't do anything because I like to watch and see how my kids will deal with the situation. Unless somebody actually asks me for help, or if somebody is just acting like a huge dick, I just sit and watch. And this is what I saw.
My little 5 year old, who was half the size of these kids, having been pushed out of the way and now was standing behind this new group, walks up to the back of one of the kids and whispers into the back of his head: "Let the bodies hit the floor, let the bodies hit the floor, let the bodies hit the flooooooooooor." Just like in the video, actually.
He's been singing this song a lot lately, and watching the video. I have no idea where he heard it from and oh my god it is so totally inappropriate for a 5 year old but that was one of the funniest fucking things I'd seen all day. I instantly pulled out my phone to take notes so that I could remember it later.
The older kid was like WTF?? and he totally moved away! It worked! Nice WORK, little man!!!
This incident reminded me of something that happened years ago, before he was even walking. It was way before I was blogging but I wrote about it on a message board that I run (hi Rards!!) so I can just copy and paste it here:
We're at the Discovery Museum today (yeah, we go there a lot) and Child 2 and I are in the toddler room. He's playing with blocks. I'm sitting there trying not to pass out from fatigue. Suddenly this little girl, maybe 2, comes over to where he is, stands between him and his blocks with her back to him, and bends over so that her butt is in his face. So what does my little man do? He reaches up and pulls her pants down! I started laughing hysterically and I say "yeah, we're startin' him early!" The little girl was PISSED and her dad came over and made a joke. Good thing he was cool about it, I suppose I could have had a lawsuit on my hands. Although, no jury in the world would convict a baby. Maybe Texas.
Earlier this morning, I had started planning this post in my head while I'm hanging out with him, and I said "Have I ever told you that I love you?" To which he responds: "Uh.... YEAH. Like three times a day! No, like ten times a day. No, like.... how many is it if you count by threes seven times?" "21," I say. "Yeah, like 21 times a day!"
Oh, hey! You made it to the bottom of the post! Did you forget to go to Laura's place and read my guest post? Well, here's that link again, just in case you need it. :)
It's about blogging. And awesomeness. Okay, it's about blogging.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Awesome Guest Blogger is Awesome
So, if you're on The Twitter, and you're interested in The Funny, you need to be following The Empress. The Empress is always giving suggestions for funny people to follow and The Empress is always right. I learned very quickly to always obey whenever The Empress tells me to follow someone because, as I've said previously: The Empress is always right. So, when The Empress told me I needed to follow The Mrs, I didn't ask questions, I just hit that "follow" button. (Also pay attention to The Empress' Get To Know Thursdays where every Thursday she surprise features a funny blogger she thinks you should be reading. Every Thursday morning.... I wake up.... hoping.... *sniff* .... praying... *sob*.... But so far.... Nothing. One day, Empress. Oh, yes. One day..... uh... you will run out of other funny people to feature and I will be the only one left. THAT will be the day I shine.)
But THEN, a few days later, I actually went to The Mrs' blog and started reading (NO. I don't know why it took me so long! I have no excuses! All I can tell you is that I was probably drunk. I mean... it's plausible, right?).
First I saw like a scary, mascara-less box of chocolates, you never know what you’re going to get. OMG! She draws bad pictures along with her funny!! So awesome.
And then I saw the super-secret dance party in my mind. Holy crap! She puts her bad drawings into videos along with her funny!!!!!
And THEN I saw it..... the one that would change my life forever: how to make a bowl of cereal in 12 easy steps.
I immediately wrote to her on Twitter, telling her she was the next Allie Brosh (my blog idol) and that she needed to guest post for me. She's going to be famous one day, you see, and I want to be able to brag that "she once guest posted for me before she was an internet superstar!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! I'M SO FUCKING COOL!!!"
Mark my words, people. MARK THEM!! And mrs? Scroll to the bottom, even though you've read this one before, because you have a prize waiting for you below.... (by the way, I write this before the results of the Vampire Squid T-shirt Contest results are announced and I have no idea who won.)
This is me (pissed off) meme
by The Mrs.
Dear Internet,
Sometimes, I think we were MFEO (please reference Sleepless in Seattle for further details on that acronym.) I mean, we like all of the same things—namely: wasting time, unicorns, and disastrous cakes. And you’re pretty knowledgeable, not to mention funny. We could spend all day together, and I still wouldn’t be sick of you.
Remember that time I made you my Valentine? Well, I almost made it official and proposed to you when I saw this:
Yeah, I thought we were pretty close, Internet. I can’t help but take issue with a certain meme that’s been making the rounds, though, and I think we need to have a serious chat.
I’m talking, of course, about the “This is Me Meme”. The This is Me Meme instructs bloggers to post portraits of themselves drawn by their children. Our very own Jillsmo posted her addition to the meme last week.
Well, Internet, I guess we don’t know each other as well as I thought we did. Because if we really were besties, you would know that 1. I don’t have children and 2. I HATE being left out.
I know the meme’s not taking over the universe or anything—it’s not Charlie fucking Sheen, for Chrissake (thank God)—but it’s gotten kind of popular. And as the meme continues to appear on blogs I read, I feel more and more cantankerous.
What’s a girl to do, Internet? Why are you discriminating against me? I thought we were pals.
I know we don’t do everything together. Sometimes, you branch out into activities that I can’t support, like when you started spending too much time with that Numa Numa kid.
And normally, I would brush something like that off and go about my day. But this? This feels personal. I mean, joining two of my favorite things—bad drawings and talking about myself—and then NOT letting me participate? That’s just cruel.
My first reaction was, of course, disappointment. Sadness, really, that my good friend the Internet was excluding me.
But then, as is my way, I got thoroughly pissed off.
So, guess what? Not that you asked, Internet (rude), but here’s what a rendering of me—drawn by anyone, but in this case myself—would probably look like.
(This is, of course, just a drawing. Cape and awesomeness are not to scale.)
I bet you feel foolish for trying to keep that drawing from the world. Don’t you?
Well, let this be a lesson to you, Internet. I am too tenacious to be held back by simple rules and instructions.
Your move, Internet.
Love
The Mrs
P.S. Just kidding. You know I’m lost without you. This was all just an elaborate excuse to show you my cape. Nice, no? Let’s never fight again.
AND NOW FOR THE PRIZE!!!!
Dear The Mrs:
On behalf of The Internet, and I'm pretty sure I have authority to speak on its behalf, I would like to offer my humblest and most sincere apologies for the This Is Me Meme, which has caused you to feel bad. I assure you that The Internet had no intention of excluding you in such a cruel and spiteful manner.
Please accept this award that I have created, in the hopes that it will somewhat lift your spirits. I'm pretty sure this isn't exactly how these meme things work, where I just hand them out all willy-nilly-like, but I created the fucking thing and I get to decide to bestow it whenever the fuck I want! I have modified the rules slightly in order to make you extra happy. If you choose to pass this on (not like you have a choice, actually, but I thought I should imply that you did) the actual rules don't ask you to draw anything, just list them.
Congratulations!!
Love,
Jill
on behalf of The Internet
Rules for this award:
1. You must proudly display the absolutely disgusting graphic that I have created for these purposes (put it in your post, you don't have to put it in your sidebar, I think that would seriously be asking too much). It's so bad that not only did I use COMIC SANS, but there's even a little fucking jumping, celebrating kitten down there at the bottom. It's horrifying! But its presence in your award celebration is crucial to the memetastic process we're creating here. If you need a higher resolution version... I totally have one!!
2. You must list and then draw 5 things about yourself, and 4 of them must be bold-faced lies. Just make some shit up, we'll never know; one of them has to be true, though. Of course, nobody will ever know the difference, so we're just on the honor system here. I trust you. Except for the 4 that you lied about, you lying bastards! But don't go crazy trying to think of stuff, we're not really interested in quality here.
3. You must pass this award on to 5 bloggers that you either like or don't like or don't really have much of an opinion about. I don't care who you pick, and nobody needs to know why. I mean, you can give a reason if you want, but I don't really care.
4. If you fail to follow any of the above rules, I will fucking hunt your ass down and harass you incessantly until you either block me on Twitter or ban my IP address from visiting your blog. I don't know if you can actually do that last thing, but I will become so annoying to you that you will actually go out and hire an IT professional to train you on how to ban IP addresses just so that I'll leave you alone. I'm serious. I'm going to do these things.
5. This one isn't actually a rule, but once you do the above, please come back here and link up to the Memetastic Hop so that I can keep track of where this thing goes.
But THEN, a few days later, I actually went to The Mrs' blog and started reading (NO. I don't know why it took me so long! I have no excuses! All I can tell you is that I was probably drunk. I mean... it's plausible, right?).
First I saw like a scary, mascara-less box of chocolates, you never know what you’re going to get. OMG! She draws bad pictures along with her funny!! So awesome.
And then I saw the super-secret dance party in my mind. Holy crap! She puts her bad drawings into videos along with her funny!!!!!
And THEN I saw it..... the one that would change my life forever: how to make a bowl of cereal in 12 easy steps.
 |
| It was love at first sight. |
I immediately wrote to her on Twitter, telling her she was the next Allie Brosh (my blog idol) and that she needed to guest post for me. She's going to be famous one day, you see, and I want to be able to brag that "she once guest posted for me before she was an internet superstar!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! I'M SO FUCKING COOL!!!"
Mark my words, people. MARK THEM!! And mrs? Scroll to the bottom, even though you've read this one before, because you have a prize waiting for you below.... (by the way, I write this before the results of the Vampire Squid T-shirt Contest results are announced and I have no idea who won.)
This is me (pissed off) meme
by The Mrs.
Dear Internet,
Sometimes, I think we were MFEO (please reference Sleepless in Seattle for further details on that acronym.) I mean, we like all of the same things—namely: wasting time, unicorns, and disastrous cakes. And you’re pretty knowledgeable, not to mention funny. We could spend all day together, and I still wouldn’t be sick of you.
Remember that time I made you my Valentine? Well, I almost made it official and proposed to you when I saw this:
Yeah, I thought we were pretty close, Internet. I can’t help but take issue with a certain meme that’s been making the rounds, though, and I think we need to have a serious chat.
I’m talking, of course, about the “This is Me Meme”. The This is Me Meme instructs bloggers to post portraits of themselves drawn by their children. Our very own Jillsmo posted her addition to the meme last week.
Well, Internet, I guess we don’t know each other as well as I thought we did. Because if we really were besties, you would know that 1. I don’t have children and 2. I HATE being left out.
I know the meme’s not taking over the universe or anything—it’s not Charlie fucking Sheen, for Chrissake (thank God)—but it’s gotten kind of popular. And as the meme continues to appear on blogs I read, I feel more and more cantankerous.
What’s a girl to do, Internet? Why are you discriminating against me? I thought we were pals.
I know we don’t do everything together. Sometimes, you branch out into activities that I can’t support, like when you started spending too much time with that Numa Numa kid.
And normally, I would brush something like that off and go about my day. But this? This feels personal. I mean, joining two of my favorite things—bad drawings and talking about myself—and then NOT letting me participate? That’s just cruel.
My first reaction was, of course, disappointment. Sadness, really, that my good friend the Internet was excluding me.
But then, as is my way, I got thoroughly pissed off.
So, guess what? Not that you asked, Internet (rude), but here’s what a rendering of me—drawn by anyone, but in this case myself—would probably look like.
(This is, of course, just a drawing. Cape and awesomeness are not to scale.)
I bet you feel foolish for trying to keep that drawing from the world. Don’t you?
Well, let this be a lesson to you, Internet. I am too tenacious to be held back by simple rules and instructions.
Your move, Internet.
Love
The Mrs
P.S. Just kidding. You know I’m lost without you. This was all just an elaborate excuse to show you my cape. Nice, no? Let’s never fight again.
AND NOW FOR THE PRIZE!!!!
Dear The Mrs:
On behalf of The Internet, and I'm pretty sure I have authority to speak on its behalf, I would like to offer my humblest and most sincere apologies for the This Is Me Meme, which has caused you to feel bad. I assure you that The Internet had no intention of excluding you in such a cruel and spiteful manner.
Please accept this award that I have created, in the hopes that it will somewhat lift your spirits. I'm pretty sure this isn't exactly how these meme things work, where I just hand them out all willy-nilly-like, but I created the fucking thing and I get to decide to bestow it whenever the fuck I want! I have modified the rules slightly in order to make you extra happy. If you choose to pass this on (not like you have a choice, actually, but I thought I should imply that you did) the actual rules don't ask you to draw anything, just list them.
Congratulations!!
Love,
Jill
on behalf of The Internet
Rules for this award:
1. You must proudly display the absolutely disgusting graphic that I have created for these purposes (put it in your post, you don't have to put it in your sidebar, I think that would seriously be asking too much). It's so bad that not only did I use COMIC SANS, but there's even a little fucking jumping, celebrating kitten down there at the bottom. It's horrifying! But its presence in your award celebration is crucial to the memetastic process we're creating here. If you need a higher resolution version... I totally have one!!
2. You must list and then draw 5 things about yourself, and 4 of them must be bold-faced lies. Just make some shit up, we'll never know; one of them has to be true, though. Of course, nobody will ever know the difference, so we're just on the honor system here. I trust you. Except for the 4 that you lied about, you lying bastards! But don't go crazy trying to think of stuff, we're not really interested in quality here.
3. You must pass this award on to 5 bloggers that you either like or don't like or don't really have much of an opinion about. I don't care who you pick, and nobody needs to know why. I mean, you can give a reason if you want, but I don't really care.
4. If you fail to follow any of the above rules, I will fucking hunt your ass down and harass you incessantly until you either block me on Twitter or ban my IP address from visiting your blog. I don't know if you can actually do that last thing, but I will become so annoying to you that you will actually go out and hire an IT professional to train you on how to ban IP addresses just so that I'll leave you alone. I'm serious. I'm going to do these things.
5. This one isn't actually a rule, but once you do the above, please come back here and link up to the Memetastic Hop so that I can keep track of where this thing goes.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Song of the day: Rolling in the Deep. Acoustic!
FINALLY the new Adele is out! And OMG it came with this so very very awesome live acoustic version of the already awesome Rolling in the Deep, among other very very awesome songs. Did I mention it's awesome? True story.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Awesome video of awesomeness
You know, this is supposed to be a satire, but to those of you who have kids who don't have special needs, I'm afraid that this video is scarily accurate. And to those of you who DO have kids with special needs, I hope you find this as hilarious as I do.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Awesomeness, written down
I'm cleaning today! Yeah, it's a new year.... it's a new day... it's a new LIIIIIIIIIFE. Oh, sorry, that fucking Jennifer Hudson Weight Watchers commercial has been playing constantly on the Food Channel and it's stuck in my head. So, I'm cleaning today, and I ran across this piece of paper. I had once written this up in a Facebook note so I'm just copying and pasting from over there, but still... the awesomeness.... it's so awesome..... This was from May so Child 1 had just turned 8 and Child 2 was not yet 5. I've removed everybody's actual name so some of it might seem confusing
Our wonderful fabulous babysitter had the kids answer some questions for mother's day, from a thingy she downloaded online, and the results were so awesome that they must be shared immediately.
List 3 of your Mom's favorite places to go:
CHILD 1:
1. BART
2. Costco
3. McDonalds
CHILD 2:
1. Works
2. Meetings
3. Rocking ("Rocking" means playing Rock Band)
List 5 special people you would invite to celebrate with your mom:
CHILD 1
1. Uncle
2. Babysitter
3. Friend
4. Daddy
5. Child 2
CHILD 2:
1. New York
2. Daddy
3. Me
4. Child 1
5. Uncle
If you were in charge of cooking for your mom for a day, what would those 3 favorite meals be?
CHILD 1:
1. Cake
2. Banana, apple
3. Pumpkin seeeeeeeeeeeedsaaaaa
CHILD 2:
1. Mac and cheese
2. Casserole
3. Chicken nuggets
List 3 chores you would do to help your mom:
CHILD 1
1. Bake food
2. Wash clothes
3. Fix her machine that washes clothes before it make a volcano explode
CHILD 2
1. Help her remember stuff
2. Kill the bad stuff that makes her sick
3. Help her get hugs
What is your Mom's favorite thing to do?
CHILD 1: Bake food
CHILD 2: Rocking and she really likes cooking and rocking
Unfortunately side 2 of the paper didn't print for Child 1's version so the following are all just Child 2's answers
5 Words to describe my mother are:
1. Funny
2. Impressed and happy when she sees shoes
3. Tall
4. Cats
5. Games
4 Things my Mom does best are:
1. Knock cans over by accident
2. Open a chicken box
3. Play games with me
4. Show me how to turn knobs the right way
My mom really likes it when:
She gets medicine and I ride my scooter fast but she doesn't like it when I fall
2 things I want to tell my mom are:
1. She needs a break
2. She needs to go to sleep
Our wonderful fabulous babysitter had the kids answer some questions for mother's day, from a thingy she downloaded online, and the results were so awesome that they must be shared immediately.
List 3 of your Mom's favorite places to go:
CHILD 1:
1. BART
2. Costco
3. McDonalds
CHILD 2:
1. Works
2. Meetings
3. Rocking ("Rocking" means playing Rock Band)
List 5 special people you would invite to celebrate with your mom:
CHILD 1
1. Uncle
2. Babysitter
3. Friend
4. Daddy
5. Child 2
CHILD 2:
1. New York
2. Daddy
3. Me
4. Child 1
5. Uncle
If you were in charge of cooking for your mom for a day, what would those 3 favorite meals be?
CHILD 1:
1. Cake
2. Banana, apple
3. Pumpkin seeeeeeeeeeeedsaaaaa
CHILD 2:
1. Mac and cheese
2. Casserole
3. Chicken nuggets
List 3 chores you would do to help your mom:
CHILD 1
1. Bake food
2. Wash clothes
3. Fix her machine that washes clothes before it make a volcano explode
CHILD 2
1. Help her remember stuff
2. Kill the bad stuff that makes her sick
3. Help her get hugs
What is your Mom's favorite thing to do?
CHILD 1: Bake food
CHILD 2: Rocking and she really likes cooking and rocking
Unfortunately side 2 of the paper didn't print for Child 1's version so the following are all just Child 2's answers
5 Words to describe my mother are:
1. Funny
2. Impressed and happy when she sees shoes
3. Tall
4. Cats
5. Games
4 Things my Mom does best are:
1. Knock cans over by accident
2. Open a chicken box
3. Play games with me
4. Show me how to turn knobs the right way
My mom really likes it when:
She gets medicine and I ride my scooter fast but she doesn't like it when I fall
2 things I want to tell my mom are:
1. She needs a break
2. She needs to go to sleep
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