Yeah. Good Times.: "All Kids Do That"

"All Kids Do That"

So, there's this hashtag on twitter: #youmightbeanautismparentif, where we get to say awesome things like "#youmightbeanautismparentif you're heading to the doctor to see if your foot is broken b/c it was in the way of a chair thrown mid-meltdown" (from Amy) and "#youmightbeanautismparentif Your heart aches with the meltdowns while others only see a 'behavior problem'" (from Laurie). Naturally most of the things I threw out there were sarcastic, but occasionally not. And the thing about twitter is, I've got 2700+ followers, and not all of them have experience with autism, so oftentimes I would get a response along the lines of "that's not autism specific, that's just a kid thing."

That kind of bugged me. And I'm really sorry to my friends who have said things like this, I hope you don't take this personally, and please don't apologize for it because I'm pretty sure you mean well, but the thing is... it's not the same. It may be a "normal kid thing" to constantly lose your jacket at school, but when my autie kid does it it's a completely different experience than when my NT kid does. And so I tend to get really defensive when I see people respond in that way.

So then I thought.... I shouldn't be getting defensive, I should be educating. After all, how much did I know about autism 10 years ago? I can't expect everybody to understand what we go through if they have no personal experience with it. And anyway, it's my (new) obligation as an autism blogger to inform and educate; after all, we change the world, right?

So, I would like to present to the world this series of posts, explaining why these things aren't the same. I hope that what I do here can bring us all together in a greater understanding of autism and of typical kid behavior, in order to learn about what we all go through. It is never at all my intention to judge or to shame or to blame anybody for their experiences; I understand that we are all unique people with our own unique experiences, I just want to bring more understanding to all my readers.

If you have any questions or comments or anythings, please don't hesitate to contact me on twitter at @jillsmo or email me at jillsmo at gmail.com.

"All Kids Do That"

Part 1: Picky eating, guest post from Sunday at Adventures in Extreme Parenthood

Part 2: Doctor visits, guest post from Becky at Defining "Normal"

Part 3: Hating School, guest post from Jen at Living Life With A Side of Autism

Part 4: Sleeping, guest post from Amanda at Confessions from Household Six

Part 5: Explaining what it's like, guest post from Carrie at Pooping Red Guy and Friends

Part 6: Appropriate Responses, guest post from Dawn at This Side of Typical

Part 7: Having Surgery, guest post from AspieSide at The Aspie Side of Life

Part 8: Behaviors, guest post from Linda at Outrunning the Storm

Part 9: Puberty, guest post from Rhonda at Going Insane, Wanna Come?

Part 10: Time Off, guest post from Jennie at Anybody Want a Peanut?

Part 11: Driving, guest post from Jessica at Four Plus An Angel

Part 12: The Worry, guest post from Patty at Pancakes Gone Awry

Part 13: Spitting, guest post from Jim at Just a Lil Blog

Part 14: Potty Training, guest post from Lisa at Autism Wonderland

Part 15: No They Don't, guest post from Bobbi Sheahan

Part 16: Sensory Issues, guest post from Sherilin at Laughing My Abs Off

Part 17: Sensory Issues again, guest post from Grace at That'sRightISaidIt.Dot.Mom

Part 18: Obsessions, guest post from ?? at My Whac-A-Mole Life

Part 19: Lining Things Up, guest post from Mama Meerkat at Mindful Meerkats

Part 20: Finding A School, guest post from J-Nut

Comments (23)

Logging you in...

Dashboard | Edit profile | Logout

Logged in as

+2 Vote up Vote down

fionac1975 20p · 692 weeks ago

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!!!!
I have the same 'issue' with those "but all kids do that" commenters. Can't wait to read more :)

+2 Vote up Vote down

thoughtyautie 29p · 692 weeks ago

This is such a great idea for a series. I've been the recipient of "that's an issue for a lot of people" and "that sounds just like me" / "I can totally relate."
My recent post Assumption of Asperger’s

+3 Vote up Vote down

solodialogue 73p · 692 weeks ago

You are wonderful.
My recent post Who Has Control?

+1 Vote up Vote down

Marsupial Mama · 691 weeks ago

Thank you so much Jillsmo and everyone else contributing to this series. It's been under a year since my son's dx and I haven't been dealing with the "all kids do that" issue for too long. It is annoying though, isn't it? :) You're awesome for putting this together!
My recent post New Skillz

+2 Vote up Vote down

mrsstone 32p · 690 weeks ago

Awesome sauce. :D
My recent post Two of my Fave Autistic Artists Meet.

+2 Vote up Vote down

manyhatsmommy 29p · 690 weeks ago

What an awesome idea!
My recent post An Aspie Fable

+1 Vote up Vote down

@LaurieMit · 690 weeks ago

Love this and I love your response. Educating instead of criticizing. I love the #youmightbeanautismparentif hash tags and look for them daily. Thank you for including me in your post! I'm honored! And thank you for reaching out to educate those who really don't understand what living with #autism is like. :D

+1 Vote up Vote down

Whacamole Mom · 689 weeks ago

To build on Fiona's reply...and hell yes! Thanks for this. I know people mean well when they say that "it's a kid thing," but it's so not. Great series!
My recent post A Shameful Confession

+2 Vote up Vote down

leechbabe 60p · 687 weeks ago

Thank you! Brilliant and much needed series of posts. I get so angry and frustrated when I get the 'all children do that" response.

+1 Vote up Vote down

@caitlynnicholas · 685 weeks ago

The endless 'all kids do that' comments kept me from getting a aspergers diagnosis for my Miss 6 over a year. I was convinced I was a drama queen and making a fuss about nothing.

+2 Vote up Vote down

onelocomommy 31p · 685 weeks ago

Sometimes I have to take a deep breath and not side-eye someone who constantly says "well all kids do that" and "well, he's a BOY what do you expect?". So, therefore, I love this. :)
My recent post An Open Door

+2 Vote up Vote down

embracespectrum 67p · 681 weeks ago

Good series idea! Definitely annoying to have what you say minimized.
My recent post Taking Mental Pictures {PYHO}

+1 Vote up Vote down

Haddayr · 673 weeks ago

Thank you SO much for putting this together. I now have a link to send to friends instead of getting all defensive. :-)

+1 Vote up Vote down

nikki · 672 weeks ago

oh, i just searched for your blog for ages, as i could not remember the title but have changed computer...argh!!! - this series is so precious, I have had a few comments on my sons behaviour, or rather on me talking about it.. i will read all parts again. Is the part about obsession 'out' yet - there is no link?
i feel like i get the double effect, i avoid mentioning my sons obsession with super mario. it's such a common thing, right ? yeah, but there is playing it. and then there is studying it, BEING it and imposing your truth of mario on everyone. not all kids do that. mine does.
My recent post Follow up.. ?

+1 Vote up Vote down

Jenny Saul-Avila · 668 weeks ago

Thank you! I get that a lot - my son's meltdowns are terrifying & saddening & wholly & completely depressing at times & send both me & my husband into tears at times as well. And lady, I'm not ignoring it & I will hold & rock him when it's safe enough (when he isn't going to bang his head into me, scratch my face or rip my hair out) b/c he's not doing it for attention. It's not the same as a tantrum - we have those too - I can tell the difference. And my kid's picky eating - he is eating pureed fruit b/c he has a problem w/ the strong taste & texture of whole fruit, it's sensory. He doesn't eat meat b/c he can't figure out how to swallow it. Lately I've been really sick of people telling me how to take care of my kid, people whose experience is not mine.

+1 Vote up Vote down

karen · 661 weeks ago

My son is now and adult and we survived just. I have just started reading what you had to say and it has bought back horrible memories but I can look back now and have a little smile

+1 Vote up Vote down

Kristi · 647 weeks ago

Hi,
Great stuff. I appreciate that you're writing about this. Because my son has a pretty significant speech and language delay and some other ASD issues, but does not have an autism diagnosis, we get this A LOT. I can't say how many times well-meaning but totally clueless friends and relatives have said to us "oh but every three year old does that!" Um, no, no they don't. And if they do, they do it for a few minutes. My kid will do it ALL DAY.
Thanks for sharing this - love it!
My recent post Sing to me, Child

+1 Vote up Vote down

Bliss · 639 weeks ago

Really really great stuff. I can't count how many times I've heard "that's just a kid thing" and as the parent of two with ASD, sometimes I do wonder if I've somehow lost sight of "normal kid stuff". But I am also a lucky stepmom to two typical kids, and have been helping to raise them since toddlerhood. And then when I read all these wonderful blogs, with so many experiences comparable to mind, it reminds me that I DO know the difference between "kid stuff" and "autism stuff" (because, after all, even my ASD kids have regular "kid stuff" too), and I also continue to learn how to handle both. Give me strength, because my eldest ASD boy is just starting down the orthodontia road...our first appointment was really a joy (I heard myself saying aloud "is 10:30 am too early for a cocktail?")

+2 Vote up Vote down

teaunderthewillowtree 1p · 639 weeks ago

Ah, reading this has given me such a sense of solidarity! I was talking to an old friend this morning about having our eldest son diagnosed with Aspergers earlier this year and how frustrating it has been to have so many epople just say "oh yeah, my kid does that". The pain of not feeling heard of understood is hard. Thanks for this post, I look forward to reading all the links.

+2 Vote up Vote down

autismwars 21p · 630 weeks ago

OMG we were JUST talking about this!!!! I am glad you found me so that I could find you!! I am snarky and profane. Kid 1: Autism Kid 2: No autism. Soul sister!

1 reply · active 630 weeks ago

+2 Vote up Vote down

jillsmo 103p · 630 weeks ago

Wooo hooo!! *fist bump*

+1 Vote up Vote down

Stacey · 611 weeks ago

I have read your blog for months now but only saw this page. Our boys (T, five, and I, almost 3) both have sensory issues. T has SPD and was speech delayed (also has motor skill delays); I has sensory issues but no proper diagnosis and also shows signs of OCD and ODD. When we went to get T tested, a friend (who teaches special needs kids and has a child with Down Syndrome) was like "T doesn't have autism." We were sure he didn't but did not know, which is why we had him tested. We got the result of SPD, not autism (although he has autistic tendencies in speech and social). Her response? "I told you so" ... as if a kid with sensory issues isn't a problem to deal with. No, he doesn't have autism, but he has many other issues that can be overwhelming for him at times (this past week was really hard on him; even his speech therapist noted he was not his usual self). We don't know what may upset T, and the same with his brother. We already went through the whole "it's normal" thing for T's speech when a doctor, not his usual, told us at an appointment that he was lazy in his speech ... and it turns out that no, he wasn't (he was saying maybe 10 words regularly at two years of age). So, when people tell us it's normal for kids his age, I become defensive. Truth is, times I don't know if it is or isn't, and it's harder to know with the younger kid, since he has developed differently than his brother. I think part of the "all kids do that" comments we get is because many people don't always see what we deal with at home (which led to me blogging about it a few days ago). They don't know what it's like; I wish they did so they would be empathetic instead of making me feel like a crappy mom who doesn't know squat about my boys.

+1 Vote up Vote down

Megs · 592 weeks ago

This is a great series. Very informative for someone with mostly NT kids. I have to say for myself, whenever I tell someone "all kids do that" or more likely "I do that too" about some parenting thing, I do not mean to dismiss any other concerns. I just think there is way too much judgement on parents all the time, and what I am really trying to say is that you are not alone and you are doing a good job. The other thing about this series is that I have one child who has ADHD, and some of the stuff you are writing about makes me think of him. Not in an "all kids do that" way -- I'm fully aware that his issues in these areas are exceedingly mild compared to what I am reading about. But it makes me realize that FOR HIM, these are real issues. So thank you for that.

Yeah. Good Times.

Pages

"All Kids Do That"

Forgot password?

Comments (23)

Post a new comment