They say online friends aren't real friends

In December of 2002 I saw an episode of the Daily Show where Jon Stewart talked about the latest new craze in Christmas toys: Likes It Rough Elmo. At the time Child 1 was less than a year old and Elmo was a big part of our lives, so naturally I thought it was one of the funniest things I'd ever seen. Because, of course.

I went online to the Comedy Central website looking for a place where I could proclaim my undying appreciation for my latest discovery and there I found that they had message boards that were devoted to each of the shows that Comedy Central had on at the time (Beat the Geeks 4tw). I created an account using the only screen name I'd ever used before and made my peace. But then I came back to see what other people had to say..... and I started meeting people.

The CC message boards were a free for all text only cesspool of complete shit, with no rules, no moderators, and trolls running rampant. We yelled at each other about politics and the stories of the day, but first and foremost our purpose was to be funny. Our (my) greatest achievement was figuring out how to trick the code into letting curse words get posted. Conversations were had, friendships were formed, and ultimately the boards all went down in a giant blaze of ugliness. But we had made connections that we didn't want to lose, so we searched for a new place to call ours. After several iterations of message boards we ultimately settled down in our own, brand new message board home. That board was created on March 26, 2004.

This is what I look like over there

The years have gone by, people have come and gone, and the board still remains. We've been together through birth and death, through marriage and divorce, through trauma, through joy, through heartbreak, through wondrous excitement, through banality, through depression: through all the shit that people experience in a decade. We've argued politics, we've fought hard over the news of the day, it's been all about the funny, but in the end it's been about a community of very different people who have formed a bond. We've been close, we've been far, we've moved away, we've come back, we've gone in and out of contact, and we've all come back together.

Recently we learned that one of our own, jonfan2, doesn't have long to live. He was born with a congenital heart defect and wasn't expected to live past his 20s, but being the stubborn asshole that he is, now at 42 he's finally been given his last timeline. He posted about it on the board with the intent just to keep us posted on his status, but what he wasn't expecting was that we would all jump into action, pack up our shit and travel to where he was. I came from California but I didn't travel the farthest, Prolapse came from Canada; Juleska came from Afghanistan. We rented a house on a lake in Michigan, dressed up like characters from Alice in Wonderland and we roasted him. It was hilarious and awesome and sad and depressing and wonderful and terrible and absolutely perfect. Because.... of course.

It's been 11 years since I created that account on the Comedy Central board, and right now I'm sitting in a chair in a house in some city I don't even know the name of, in a state I've never been before, surrounded by people I've seen in person only once before or never before. And we all did this, we packed up our stuff and we came out here to celebrate the life of a man we'd all only met in person once or had never met before. Because that's what friends do; that's what real friends do for each other. And it doesn't matter that we'd *only* been words on a screen and screen names to each other for 11 years, because words on a screen and screen names makes you friends just as much as speaking on the phone or having lunch once a month.

A tweet I saw a while back that made me want to write this post

So, to anybody that would say that an online friend isn't a real friend, I present you with us. Our group of friends. Online friends. Is knowing someone online the same as really knowing them?  I say yes. Yes it is. It is the same, or maybe even more. And if that hasn't been your experience, I'm sorry for you. I'm sad that you don't know what I know, because you have missed out. Not just because your experience has been different, but because you haven't opened your heart enough to let the words on the screen in. Words on a screen are people just as much as a face you can see in front of you or a voice you hear over the phone. Just because we *only* type to each other doesn't mean that we don't know each other. It doesn't mean that we don't care, or worry, or wonder.... or love.

Currently, though, I'm just pissed that jonfan2 won't give me his chili recipe. He says I have to wait until he dies before he'll let me have it. Whatever. Dick.

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For updates on Kelli and Issy

I case you guys were wondering what was happening, one of Kelli's close friends has taken over her blog at The Status Woe and you can check there for updates. She has also created a page for folks who want to help contribute to Kelli's legal fund.

For updates about Issy, please continue to check the Team Issy page on Facebook.

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Pain, anger, and remembering my purpose

Well, this last week has been a bitch, hasn't it? Myself, I've been feeling like I have a hole in my chest that will never heal. There is so, so much hurt out there as we all try to deal with what's happened. A friend asked the other day that they say it's too soon to talk about "why," but why is it too soon? Why can't we talk about it now, while it's fresh? I think the answer is that we're all in too much pain to be rational. It hurts too much, no matter who you are, and that kind of hurt makes it almost impossible for us to have a productive discussion about why. I know that I'm nowhere near rational at the moment. Somebody on Facebook yesterday accused me of "being defensive LOL," and yeah, I'm fucking defensive. I'm a raw bundle of pain right now, I can't have a reasonable discussion, I don't feel like I'll ever be able to. I can't imagine that I'll ever even want to.

See, the thing with me is that I'm fiercely loyal to my friends. If you are my friend I will put my body in front of yours to protect you from what's coming, and I don't even care that my issues aren't yours; you're my friend and I've got your back no matter what. And it's just so hard to remain loyal to a friend that has done a terrible thing. I don't know that I'll ever be able to come to terms with this.

I've tried to stay out of the "discussion," but of course I still hear about things. I've been raked over the coals for so many things that I never said; all these people are refuting an argument that I never made. There's no point in trying to defend yourself against words that aren't yours, so I keep clear of all of that; it just makes me angry and I have enough of my own anger at the moment, thank you very much. I'm happy to have a conversation about the things I've actually said, though, so if anybody would like to talk about MY words, I'm at jillsmo@gmail.com. I can't promise that I won't be really defensive, but I can certainly try. (Or I'll try to try. Bart Simpson reference? Nevermind.....) However, if you blog or post about me, I assure you that I will not see it.

But anyway, in times like this, when things get so ugly and out of control, I force myself to stop and remember what my purpose is. Despite previous attempts to the contrary, I am not here to try to influence public discourse. I've said this many times before, my purpose is not political: I'm here for support and advocacy. I was once in that scary place where my child was autistic and I had nobody to talk to and I want to help other parents find the help they need. I don't want to argue issues, despite the fact that I constantly get caught up in that (I'm trying not to, I really am!!! Okay, and failing miserably most of the time. Sorry.) I want to make friends and help them make connections. I want to help parents feel less alone.

So: remembering my purpose; remembering what's really important to me. I'd like to go there for a minute....

Right now I'm worrying about my friend Lizbeth's daughter, who is very sick with an acute mycoplasma pneumonia. I'm thinking about my friend Lexi, whose daughter Abby is likely about to get an autism diagnosis, and who has recently begun to "escape" from her house (and OH MY GOD is that child gorgeous.) I'm thinking about my friend Greg, who isn't expected to live past Christmas and who I will be seeing in person in a month, along with 15 other friends I've never met. I'm thinking about my friend Stuart, who created the most wonderful thing for autistic kids, and how I can help him turn the project into something sustainable and lasting. I'm thinking about my friend Bec, for no reason other than I just love her a whole bunch. I'm thinking about my friend Emily, who deleted her Facebook account a few months ago and who I just heard from again and she's okay!! YAY!!

And I'm thinking about my friend Kelli, who did a terrible thing to herself and to her daughter. And I'm wondering how in the world either of them will recover from it.

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Guest post: Kristi from Finding Ninee

Today I am happy to be hosting my buddy Kristi who blogs at Finding Ninee. She can also be found on twitter at @FindingNinee

I stole this picture off of her site. heh heh heh:

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I want to thank Jillsmo for allowing me to guest post.  She is my bloggie crush.  I found her when I was oh-so-new to blogging, lost in a world of not knowing whether it was okay to post about what it feels like to hear the word autism for the first time one day and post a really bad drawing the next.  Her words and hilarious pictures saved me from worrying about what my blog was supposed to be.  Her direct and honest voice about parenting a kid with special needs has made me feel less alone more than once.  Jillsmo is awesome. (editor's note: SHUT UP!)

All I Need

Just a few short years ago, all I needed was a baby.  Previous pregnancy and marriage failure brought me to learning to deal with having Advanced Maternal Age printed at the top of all of my pregnancy paperwork.  Being pregnant at 40 quickly became all I need is a baby who ends up being okay.   Put on bed-rest halfway through meant that I had a whole new set of worries. All I needed was for us both to end up being alive. 

Although there were a couple of scares, I ended up giving birth to a healthy baby boy on the Fourth of July.  He was perfect.  I was perfect enough, having endured seeing the disgusting droopy hound dog that my vagina had become.  We were alive.  We were healthy.  And we were “normal.”  I was grateful. 

As he grew, my son mostly met his milestones. He walked at 13 months.  Not early.  But certainly there was no need for concern. 

The months went on and my son started talking a little bit.  His first word was mama because obviously he likes me best.  By 15 months or so, he was saying “mommy,” “daddy,” “bye-bye” and a few other words.  He seemed fine.  He seemed typical. 

By his second birthday, I was worried.  I let his doctor know that I was concerned that my little dude wasn’t speaking more.  She asked me what he’d said and I proudly let her know that just two days ago, he’d said “truck fell down.”  She assured me that having uttered a three-word sentence was really good for a boy his age.  I let it go.  I kept hoping he’d just start talking all of a sudden.  That was the first and last time he’s said “truck fell down.”  Still, it was easy to listen to opinions that everybody meets milestones on their own time-lines, that boys speak later than girls, and that boys who had been at home exclusively with mom spoke even later.  

Before my son turned two and a half, it was obvious that his language was lacking.  At some point, “bye-bye” had become “bah” and “Daddy” became “Cha.”  It was clear that we needed to face the fact that our son was delayed.  Enter Early Intervention, a developmental pediatrician, a speech therapist and me trying to figure out what was going on.

The word “autism” came up.  “Speech and language delay” and “developmental delay” came up.   Some of my son’s quirks seemed to point to autism.  So I learned a bit about it.  And I got discouraged when so many parents in that community were dealing with diet, sleep and immunity issues that were completely foreign to us.  The other thing that didn’t fit was that my son makes eye contact.  He loves to snuggle and looks to his father and me for approval.

There are times when he’s completely in his own world and I’m convinced he’s autistic.  When he’s tired, my physical little boy runs laps while emitting a “eeeeahhhheeeeahhhheeeeahhh” sound.  Seems like a stim.  He’s still extremely speech and language delayed.  He’s got sensory issues and gags or throws up when we brush his teeth.  He doesn’t really understand how to properly interact with his peers.  And yet, he wants to interact with them which makes it confusing and frustrating because that’s when it doesn’t look like autism.   Enter all I need is a diagnosis so that I can give a name to it.  Not having a name for it means that I don’t feel as comfortable talking about it.  It means not having a community.

But the thing is, I wish we knew for us.  All I need is not necessarily what he needs.  What we do have is one kick-ass awesome little boy who makes progress every day.  We have a school system that is willing to ignore our lack of a diagnosis and place my kid in ABA therapy because they can see that it’s working for him.  What we do have is awesome bloggers and a community of online people who are willing to offer advice, encouragement and cyber love. 

So for now, I’m content to simply need the knowledge that we’re doing the right things for our undiagnosed little boy.  And for now, that’s enough.  

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How you can help #TeamIssy

A while back I posted a link to my friend Kelli's blog about the situation with her autistic daughter, Issy, and her aggressive behaviors.

Since then they've received thousands in donations that have made it possible for Issy to stay in the residential program for another 23 days!!!

But there's still more you can do to help support Kelli and Issy:

Follow them on twitter at TeamIssy

Like their Facebook page at TeamIssy

But right now we're trying to get The Ellen Show to take notice.

Please consider clicking here to go to Ellen's nomination page and nominating Kelli to be on the show.

When you go to the page I've linked above, put your info on the form and talk about Kelli and Issy in the message.

You can say something like: I would like to nominate Kelli Stapleton and her family. This is a really great family who has tried to do everything for their daughter. Issy has autism and is trapped by her aggression. Her mother has had several serious injuries from Issy. Currently Issy has a brief stay in a treatment center but insurance and the department of health is denying to pay for full treatment. If you could just bring attention to this problem I know it would help Issy and many other good families falling through the cracks in the system. They are 'Team Issy' on Facebook or @teamissy on twitter.

For a picture, use the one at the top of this page.

Thank you!!!

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Thinking globally and acting locally for autism acceptance

This is a half repost, half new post. I've previously said things that I'd like to say again, so I'm not going to rewrite it all. You can find the original one here. 

When Child 1 was first diagnosed, the pediatrician told us, in a nutshell "he has PDD-NOS. It's on the autism spectrum but it isn't autism." As a result, I spent the next 9 months in a complete state of denial. "He's on the autism spectrum but he doesn't have autism," I told myself. This meant that I didn't need to investigate ABA, or any kind of treatment options that the school district wasn't offering me. At my first IEP meeting, I happily accepted everything. I had no idea what I was doing, and after all, these guys are the experts, right? So, great! This nonverbal 3 year old, who is still in diapers, should attend a special day pre-school for 3 hours a day, and that's all. What the hell did I know? I thought I did good for him.

It was only just after he turned 3, and started scripting, that my denial was shattered. He was obviously autistic, and I needed to get off my ass and figure out a way to help him. So, I hit the "books" (internet), and found him a program. I found myself an advocate and I convinced the district to make it all happen. We started our home program when he was 3 3/4 and there were immediate results. Things got better.

Today he's 11 and he's awesome. Totally verbal, super smart, (almost) always happy, and the sweetest, kindest, gentlest person you could ever meet. Every teacher or tutor I've ever had has told me "I wish all my students were like him." He's a joy to work with and to be around, and I can't take credit for all of that, it's just his nature; it's how he was born.

I know that my experience with autism has been much easier than that of some of my friends' experiences. He has no behavioral issues, he has no meltdowns, at this point he has very few sensory issues; he's actually much easier to parent than his typical brother. I also know that I am lucky that this is my experience. I am very much aware that many, many other parents have not had it this easy, and never for a second do I take this for granted. I consider it, now, my personal responsibility to give back to the autism community as much as I possibly can. So that my experience can help others; so that other parents won't feel so alone.

Here in cyberspace, however, there’s a war going on. It’s about autism parents vs. autistics, and ironically I’ve seen some of the worst, most patronizing behavior coming from my fellow autism parents on behalf of autistic people. I’m not interested in participating in a political war, though; politics frustrate and anger me. I can’t even watch the news without getting pissed and I certainly have no desire to fight a cyber war that has no end in sight. My instincts in all of these cases tell me to find a middle ground, but that’s never going to happen if I’m the only one who thinks that, so in general I try to stay out of it.

But when I see my friends being attacked, I will come to their defense. I am not ashamed to say that I am fiercely loyal, and I will jump into the middle of something that doesn't involve me in order to defend a friend under attack. My tools are sarcasm and brutal honesty, and I'm not afraid to use them. You see, I don't care who you are, how important you see yourself to be, or how many followers you have; if you're acting like a bully, I'm going to tell you you're acting like a bully. Some might say the same about me, and I will accept that if I think it is warranted, because I take responsibility for my actions, at all times. I will apologize if necessary but I will also refuse to apologize, if necessary.

In the "real" world, however, my job is not to “fight,” but to support. This morning I spent an hour on the phone with a parent in our district, helping her to navigate the system and find the best services for her daughter who is autistic. Yesterday I met with another parent and did the same. I have three emails in my personal inbox right now from parents in similar situations. This is how I act on behalf of the autism community: helping parents. Helping them find support, for themselves and for their kids. The online dialogue is too much for me to take on, I'm just one person, and so this is the route I have chosen to try to make the world a better place for my son and for autistic people everywhere: one kid at a time.

I try to do the same on my blog, on Twitter and on Facebook. Here are some things I've written that I am particularly proud of that may be helpful if you are a parent trying to find services for your child:

• Getting your GenEd teachers ready for your autistic kid
• About Special Education
• "My child needs an IEP."

As always, you can contact me at jillsmo at gmail.com if you have any questions or if there's anything you think I might be able to help you with.

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Dancing on the edge: One mother's autism reality

This post I'm linking to below was written by my friend Kelli. I would like to help her spread the word. Please read her post and share as far and as wide as possible.


Dancing on the edge

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I am an autism mom

I am an autism mom

Please go and read this absolutely amazing, wonderful, awesome, perfect post written by my good friend Lexi from Mostly True Stuff.

She says it perfectly. PERFECTLY.

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And that's how you do it

So, I wrote this post yesterday about how I don't like the word "retard," and in the original version, the very last line said "Watch that video up there and pretend you were one of those parents. How would you feel?"

The post had been up for about three hours when I was doing something in my house and thinking about it, and thinking about the video, when it suddenly struck me: I only mentioned the parents in the video. I didn't mention their son. The boy in that video is 15 years old and has cerebral palsy, he is very much aware that he is the target of bullying, and yet I left him out of the discussion?

I quickly ran to my computer and made the change but then I couldn't stop thinking about it. In a discussion about how the word "retard" is painful, I only mentioned the parents of the disabled boy and not the boy, himself. Surely he feels more pain at being the target of bullying than his parents do, and yet.... I left him out?

That struck me as very profound, that I would do that, and it's very indicative of the theme of the writing that I read from my friends who are autistic, that disabled people are being left out of the discussion about disabled people. How can we talk about the health and well being of disabled people if we're only talking about their parents and not them? I was part of the problem. 

It was kind of an epiphany, actually; it was one of those "a-ha" moments that marks the beginning of a change in my perspective that will stick with me. (It's probably pretty obvious to a lot of you, but I guess I needed a bigger learning curve). And so, I wanted to give a shout out to the people who I credit with changing my perspective, my friends Rachel and chavisory. They are autistic self-advocates and are both my facebook friends. I read what they write, on their blogs and in comments on other people's blogs, and I know that they are patient, kind, smart, wonderful women. I know that they discuss the issues without attacking and without judgment, and I know that they will tell me the truth if it's something I need to hear. And I know that they are right. And it is their experiences as autistic people that will help pave the way for my son; I can't do it without them.

I know that as an autism parent it is my responsibility to not just talk about myself in this experience; to exclude my son from the dialogue is to defeat the whole purpose of everything that I'm doing. And I know this because of them; because of my friends.

So, I just wanted to tell them both: Rachel and chavisory, thank you. You have changed me.

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Blog Roll and Blog of the Month

I've been doing some organizing here. Apparently it's easier for me to clean up the blog than it is to clean up my house. What am I saying, "apparently" ? OF COURSE it's easier.

I've created a new page up at the top, for my blog roll (are you supposed to capitalize those words? Blog Roll? Or is it Blog Role and we've all just been getting it wrong all these years?). The sidebar was getting pretty long and I wasn't adding anybody new to it because it was too messy, and so.... voilà! A new page! (When you look at the wiki page for the word voilà you will read "here's the cheese," but in French).

So, if you guys wouldn't mind popping yourselves over my Blog (Crescent) Roll page, see if I've put you in the correct category and also tell me if you're not on there and you should be. If so, PLEASE EMAIL ME at jillsmo at gmail.com. PLEASE do not leave it in the comments here, because your blog will probably not get added that way. I'm telling you... it's all about organization. I use my inbox as my to-do list (I have three completely separate to-do lists, by the way) and if I don't see your request in my inbox, your request will be inadvertently advertently on purpose accidentally completely ignored. Is advertently a word? Blogger thinks it's not, it's got that obnoxious red underline.

Anyway, like I say on the Blog Cinnamon Roll page, I took everybody's buttons out of my sidebar, but I don't mean to cut you all off or anything. So, I've decided, in true blogger-egomaniacal fashion, that once a month I will "feature" one of you in my sidebar. See, apparently I think I'm cool enough that me featuring you will make the world a better place, or something. But, I mean... I get a small around of traffic (at least on the days when I post something *rimshot*) so I figure... why not? (I really didn't need to mention the amount of traffic I get, I really just wanted to use the word "rimshot" in some context). Let's let you guys get something out of that, too! Not that I actually get anything out of it. But that's not important right now.

And so, without further adieu (when you go to the Wiki page for the word "adieu," you learn nothing of interest), this month's Featured Blog/Blogger is ....

Tina from Not Just Another Mother Blogger.

and here's why....

I've known Tina for years; long before either of us were bloggers, and. I. love. her. And that boy of hers? Well, I never use the word "miracle" in any context other than to talk about free concert tickets, but that boy of hers is a miracle, and. I. love. him.

So, for the month of August, please visit Tina's blog. I put her actual button in my sidebar, even though I really prefer the button she uses on her Facebook page. I think the reasons for that should be rather obvious.....

In case you're wondering, I have absolutely no idea how I'm going to pick blogs from month to month. So.... yeah.

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Join the Flurry!

Somewhere in Colorado a sweet little boy named Jackson is having major brain surgery in a few weeks. Some bloggy moms have gotten together in an effort to help him and his bloggy mom and dad get through this. Below is a message which describes what they're doing:

Need some volunteers from across the country to do a very simple thing! I have a friend with a 9 yr old son who will be having major brain surgery at the end of this month in Colorado. Not only does he have Epilepsy, but also Autism, Cerebral Palsy, and Sensory Processing Disorder, which each one by itself is hard enough on a kiddo, but to be battling all of these can make days and this surgery very difficult.

We would like to flood his mailbox with a bunch of cards and pictures our kids have colored so when he is out of ICU, they can decorate his room! His favorites are trains and dinosaurs.

Are you willing to help? If so, please send a card to the following address; the surgery date is June 29th (this is PO Box and not their actual home address):

Special Happens / St. Aubin Family

9609 S. University Blvd. #630303

Littleton, CO 80163-0303

It's likely that Jackson will be spending the whole month of July in the hospital, so after the "Flurry of Mail," we'll also be organizing care packages and little bits of help. If you're interested in staying informed, please contact me at jillsmo at gmail.com and I'll pass your info along.

For more information, you can visit the blog or visit the Facebook Page

Also, please feel free to copy and paste the information in this post so that the word gets spread as far and wide as possible. THANKS!!

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I have the best friends EVER

So, I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm taking a break from blogging. The specifics aren't really important, but I think a break might be good for me. Hopefully this will result in more awesomeness in the end.

Anyway, recently I told some friends that I would be taking a blogging break, and a good friend of mine (a real life friend. No, really, I have those) said that we should go out and celebrate my almost 2 years of blogging. We did that tonight, and when she picked me up, she presented me with this cake that she had made:

And then she says "you're going to take a picture of this and blog about it, aren't you?"

Oh, hell yes.

Hell yes, my friend.

 

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Snark, saying thank you, and the color blue

I'm sorry, that Oxford comma was not the way I was taught and even though it is correct it just feels weird and wrong to me.... WEIRD AND WRONG, I TELL YOU.

I’m at the park right now writing this. It’s fucking February and I’m in the park with shorts and a t-shirt and no shoes. I know, you Canadians want to tell me to fuck off right now for actually complaining about that, but this shit is lame! Where the hell is our winter this year?? I WANT WINTER, DAMMIT.

Anyway… so you know how we autie parents spend so much time complaining about all the people in our lives who just don’t “get it?” Well, I thought I’d take a moment to show some appreciation for some people who do get it. It will be a nice change of pace, don’t you think??

Today we have an IEP meeting. I’m not expecting anything unusual, it’s our annual and we’ve already had an emergency meeting this year to discuss “the incident,” so nothing today is going to be very earth shattering, with the possible exception of me saying “I’d like to opt him out of The Test,” and the SPED representative giving me the same line of horseshit that she gives me every year about how "he’s going to be taking tests his whole life so he might as well start getting used to it now!" Because my kick ass advocate will be there, and she’s going to say “SHUT THE FUCK UP, TINY DISTRICT WOMAN” (she’s kind of a “force,” my kick ass advocate. I’m pretty sure her business cards actually say “Kick Ass Advocate,” instead of just the usual “Advocate.”) Anyway, according to the chart up there, we are in our usual state of Blue: even if things will go smoothly, there’s always a little bit of misinformation and guile to be expected. You know, like “he’s going to be taking tests his whole life so he should practice for them now and the reason we don't want you to opt him out has everything to do with his future test taking abilities and nothing to do with our participation percentages or anything like that no I swear that’s really really the reason.”

Anyway, back to appreciating people. My awesome tutor will be coming with me to this meeting, which means I don’t have my usual afternoon babysitter, so I’ve asked my friend Cathryn to watch the kids (I’m using her real name because she has no online persona and therefore no secret identity to protect). But Child 1 doesn’t like having to go places, in general, really, but in particular if I’m not there, so Cathryn is coming over to my house, with her two kids, and she’s watching all four of them for however many hours this is going to take. Isn’t that just the coolest thing?? I’m so happy that I have a friend who understands and is cool about weird autism things. Her kids aren’t autistic, she’s just one of those incredibly cool people who “get it.”

And so, I would like to dedicate this post not only to snark but to my friend Cathryn, who “gets” it. She probably won’t read this unless I tell her to, and MAN will she be embarrassed when she does. HA HA HA HA HA!! I think I’ll just leave the screen open on my laptop when I leave for the meeting and have her stumble across it accidentally…… SURPRISE!!!

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I love my online friends

I have the best online friends in the world. In fact, with a few exceptions, my online friends are better friends to me than pretty much anybody I can have a conversation with over coffee. (Exceptions: Cathryn, Lizzie and Emily. I want to mention their names, even though probably none of them will read this. Hubs doesn't count since he's required by law to be my friend).

If I go more than a few days without hearing from some of my online friends, I start missing them. How can you miss somebody you've never actually met? And there are people I have met whom I haven't heard from for months, and at this point I couldn't give a single shit if I ever actually hear from them again.

There are people I know in RL who only ever talk about themselves; how they are doing, what is going on with them and never even ask me how I am. And then there are people I know online who can tell by the tone of my tweets that there's something going on, and will text me to find out what it is. Just because you've sat in the same room with a person doesn't mean they're actually your friend. And the more I think about how wonderful you guys are online, the more it fucking pisses me off how much so many of the people I know in real life fucking suck. (except for the four I mention above. Okay, Hubs totally counts. Whatever.)

So, I'd like to turn that around in my brain, please, and instead of being angry and going off on a rant, I will make this an Online Friend Appreciation Post: I'm not going to mention names here because I'll probably leave people out and I don't want to make anybody sad, but I can think of at least 5 of you who are right now thinking "I wonder if she's talking about me?" and the answer is YES. YES I'M TALKING ABOUT YOU.

By the way, people: start thinking about the Great Twitter/Blogger Meetup of Some Time in the Spring of 2012.

Seriously.

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It's good to have friends you can trust

The other day I arrived at Child 2's friend's house to drop him off for a pre-arranged playdate so that I could go to work. C2's buddy is his BFF from preschool and his mom and I have become good friends over the years.

We arrived at their house at 11:30 and I had to be at work at 12:00. The front door was wide open so we just walked in and wandered all over their (large) house looking for somebody. We eventually found the kids in the back room playing Wii.

"Hey, guys, where's your mom?" I asked.

They were way too wrapped up in Legend of Zelda to be able to take any time to answer my question with anything other than "Idunno" so I sat down on the couch with Child 2 and waited.

And waited.

And waited some more.

Since we had walked around the house when we first got there, I assumed she was in the bathroom and I didn't want to go and find her. Nobody likes to be interrupted when they're in the bathroom AmIRight?????

At 5 minutes to 12:00 I had no choice but to just get up and leave. I made her boys look at me while I told them to tell their mom to call me (they didn't, though) and I just left, leaving Child 2 there. I knew she was somewhere in the house and I felt perfectly fine leaving him with his buddies playing Wii.

After work I stopped by on my way home just to make sure it was okay with her that I'd just left him there. It was, of course, and we both thought it was funny and cool at the same time that we had enough trust in each other that I could have just left my kid in her living room without really knowing where she was.

But the best part of this story? It turned out that she hadn't been in the bathroom, after all.

She was upstairs in her bedroom.... reading my blog.

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No liquids were harmed during the making of this post

My friend Dawn who blogs at This Side of Typical has another thing that she does when not blogging and chasing kids around, which is to be an awesome seamstress/artist type person. Lately she's been into crocheting (I'm sorry but I simply have no idea how you spell that word) and recently she blogged about how she made a mug cozy for me. FOR ME!! She made one for me!!! And she sent it to me.

Because she's fucking awesome.

I must put this cozy to good use. No... not to "good" use, ..... to the best possible use that any cozy could ever be put to!

Okay, but here's the thing, though. This is a tea cozy... and I fucking hate tea. I really do. It's because when I was pregnant with Child 1, and I got sick or nauseous, the only thing I could ever really do for it was to drink some tea. I drank a lot of mint tea, and I drank throat coat, and I drank ginger tea... and after a while it became a joke with Hubs and me, that whenever anything was wrong with me, I should "have some tea!" and it really started to piss me off. So, ever since then, tea has done nothing but anger me. Yes, that's right: Tea makes me angry.

But look how adorable this tea cozy is!! You can tell it's just dying to make tea cozy.

It even has adorable-ass buttons in the back that wrap around the mug handle!!

I guess it could also be a coffee cozy, but... I don't know... since I hate tea, I somehow felt that this cozy was meant for bigger and better things.

So, I tried it out on some other options....

I do drink a lot of coffee, so maybe like this?

No... that clearly won't work. What else do I like to drink? Well, when I'm not drinking coffee, though, the only other non alcoholic beverage I like is water. So, maybe....?

No, no.... I'm not sure this cozy was destined to be on a non-alcoholic beverage. I'd better keep trying.  Beer! It fit perfectly around the beer bottle, except, sadly... I don't drink beer. That was for my college days, I have more mature, refined taste now. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.... no, I totally don't have that, I just don't drink beer because it makes me too full.....

I do enjoy champagne! It's the crack of alcohol, as hubs likes to say, and who am I to ever turn down any kind of crack? Actually.... I've said too much.... nevermind.....

Wine makes much more sense, especially during #wineparty, but it was pretty hard to hold the glass, and I was afraid of spilling on my awesome wine cozy.... maybe there's something that works better...

NOW we're getting somewhere, but again, I didn't want to spill and it wasn't very easy to hold the glass, especially after the fourth or fifth one of these that I tried it with. Not. Easy. At. All.

Y'know, I think I may be over thinking this thing, perhaps I should simplify?

Yeah. That's more like it.... much more like it..... Now we're talking!

But, just in case I still wanted that non alcoholic option....

Do you want a cozy made for you? You can totally have one! Just not for free, is the thing. That's not a problemo, is it? Go to Dawn's Facebook page for more info. And thank you, Dawn, for my awesome new vodka and Xanax cozy!!!!!!

Update, from Hubs:

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Support The Momma Project

There's a whole world of blogging out there that I'm not a part of: it's the bloggers who actually get paid for blogging. I don't have the energy or the discipline to ever make that happen, but I have a ton of friends who do.

Apparently it's not easy to get companies to want to give you money; I can undersand that. I'm sure it's really competitive, there are a lot of us out there. I know how hard it is just to try to get readers, I can't imagine how difficult it would be if what I was doing here actually mattered.

And on that note, I'd like to call your attention to a new fundraiser that I very much support. My friend Caryn, who blogs at Living With Logan, really really wants to go to BlogHer but so far has been unable to find a sponsor who will help pay her way. As such, she's started a fundraiser in the hopes that she can raise enough money to get herself there.

She only needs $1,000. If she gets more than that, she'll donate the rest to worthy causes. If she gets some, but not enough to get her, there, she'll donate everything she gets to the same worthy causes.

I've made a donation. Will you help?

There's a widget over there in my sidebar, for easy donating.

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More information can be found here.

I'm turning off commenting for this post in the hopes that you'll just head over to Caryn's place, instead.

THANKS!

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My fever addled brain....

.... prevents me from thinking of anything original to write about today. I thought about perhaps re-posting something I wrote when I wasn't struck down by the plague, but instead I'm going to promote some of my friends' stuff (might as well take advantage of this #3 thing while it lasts, right?)

So, go check out this stuff; I'm pretty sure you won't catch anything from any of them. I assume.

• Cheryl, over at Little Bit Quirky, has been talking lately about when to tell your child they have Asperger's, inspired by the recent episodes of Parenthood. I watched those episodes over the weekend from my death bed and I fucking bawled my eyes out. I thought about writing something, myself, but I don't think I can; at least not right now. So, go read what Cheryl has said! She's a lot nicer (and cleaner) than I am, anyway.
• Caryn, who blogs at Living with Logan, was recently featured in an article written by Gina, who blogs at Special Happens. Oh, and look! She mentions me! I'm just noticing that now. Heh heh heh. It's a good piece about why special needs parents blog. Check it out!
• There will be a 3rd installment of Autism WTF on Tuesday March 8th, hosted by Big Daddy Autism and The Autism Army Mom. At least that's what they told me but I don't see it on the page there. Maybe they're lying. They not very trustworthy, those two...
• Jessica, who blogs at Four Plus An Angel is in the running to be one of the Top 25 Moms Blogs for Parenting Advice and Tips at Circle of Moms. I don't know what that is, but I know that I love Jessica, so click here and then scroll down until you see "Four Plus an Angel" and then hit the thumbs up dealie. You don't have to register or anything.
• Kelly, at Unplanned Trip to Holland, has a really good list called "What not to say to an autie mom." Me likey. You go readey.
• Jennie, from Anybody Want a Peanut, was recently syndicated on BlogHer. Seriously? BlogHer? That's like the fucking brass ring of blogging. If only I could be syndicated there. If only I had ever written anything and then submitted it there in hopes of being syndicated. Details, details.....
• Laura got a new car! And look! It's red and shiny!! (HA HA HA she's going to be so embarrassed by me doing this, I bet... Sorry Laura. I lubs you!!)
• This is a really good post on Super Mom Undercover about what it feels like dueling with "The A Word" every day. 
• My brand new best friend Mel who blogs at kamaness has nominated me for TWO Blogger's Choice awards, which you will notice are now over on the left there. Because she's AWESOME, and not because I asked and it's daytime where she is at the moment and she happened to get here first. That part is just a coincidence; it's solely because she's awesome. THANK YOU!! Now, everybody go and read her because she's funny. And awesome.

There are a ton of other blogs and friends I want to mention but I've been sitting up for about 45 minutes now and I think I've reached my sitting up limit for the day. Hopefully I'll have something new to say tomorrow.

In the meantime, though.... PLEASE VOTE FOR ME. THANK YOU.

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