Online gaming

Child 2 got a Wii for his birthday; you may know that, I've been talking about it a lot (sometimes with hilarious results). He's been playing Wii sports and a LOT of Mario Kart, which is just a racing game with the characters from Donkey Kong. He's pretty good at it, which isn't too surprising (he totally kicks my ass at everything. Whatever) and he blew through all the initial tracks and races in about 2 weeks.

Then he discovered the online gaming portion of Mario Kart, where you can play against people all over the world. I've been watching him carefully and there's nothing different about the online version than the non-online version, except that you're actually playing against other people. There does seem to be a way to interact with people individually, but you have to "add a friend" which involves entering a code for the specific person you want to talk to

Well, this kind of freaks me out, I'll be honest. My first thought, of course, is that he's going to be molested by some freak. My second thought was, honestly, to be kind of proud because he's probably the only 6 year old playing and he was better than everybody else! HA HA! My kid rules! Ahem.

Anyway, hubs and I set some ground rules, particularly that he's not allowed to do any of this unless one of us is in the room. I messed with the Parental Controls and told him that I set some, that there was a password he wasn't allowed to know about and that it would restrict what he was able to do. (And, of course, in the process I accidentally deleted all of his Mario Kart settings, including all of the new characters, cars and tracks that he's unlocked over the past few weeks and I totally made him cry when I told him about it! YEAH! I'll take my parenting award now, please.)

I'm just not sure if this is right or not. I mean, I'm pretty confident that as long as I'm always in the room there's not a whole lot of trouble he can get himself into, either accidentally or on purpose, but I think 6 is kind of young for online gaming; even if it's not actual online gaming, really, or is it? (Lisa?) There's nothing going on that's any different from what he's been doing, except now he yells "I'm playing against real people!!" while he does it.

This is wrong; isn't it? I should put a stop to this? Or am I just freaking out because I'm overprotective and neurotic?

Thoughts?

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I am neurotic. TRUE STORY.

Back before we had kids, hubs used to point out what he called "The Parking Lot Grab." This is when you're driving in a parking lot, going about 1.25 MPH, and you see a mother suddenly GRAB her child right as you're about to drive by. It's a little offensive from the perspective of the person with no kids driving the car. I mean, seriously, lady, do you think I'm going to just fucking drive my car into your kid unless you snatch him away from me? You could walk faster than I'm driving, how much of a threat am I? AND I'm driving in a straight line, and not directly towards your child. So lighten up, dammit!

Yeah. Then I had my own kids and I learned what this Parking Lot Grab is really all about. (I actually sent my husband a text message the first time I ever did it. "I just did the parking lot grab!!!!!") I'm not necessarily concerned that you're going to drive your car into my kid, but I do know that as long as I have a hand on my child, no harm will come to him.

That's pretty stupid, but it's what neurotic parents think, apparently. I say "apparently" because I'm a neurotic parent and this is what I think. I always have to be holding their hands when we cross the street. Child 1 is going to be fucking 9 years old in a week and a half, he's not a runner, he doesn't need me holding his hand when he crosses the street. I need me holding his hand when he crosses the street, because if I'm not touching him.... what? A car will materialize out of nowhere and hit him? I don't even know what I'm thinking, all I know is that I have to be touching them in some manner until they're safely on the sidewalk again.

Yesterday I was walking home from school with Child 1 and 2 and C2's BFF and every time we crossed a street (there are about 7 crosswalks on our walk home) I, of course, had to be holding their hands, except there were three of them and I only have two hands, so I made two of them hold hands with each other. As if two 5 year olds holding hands are going to be protected from a car materializing out of nowhere? But since I had one of their hands, and that one had the other kid's hands, I guess the line of safety passed through the one kid and onto the next.

I know, I'm a fucking basketcase. But, I tell you these things so that you can laugh with me... not at me. I said WITH, motherfuckers!!

And what the hell do you mean "where the fuck have you been?" I TOLD you January was a busy month for Bookkeepers! Christ.....

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Just another day in paradise

So, I took both boys to the camp this morning; it was the same time I'd ever dropped them both off at the same place at the same time. Child 2 is attending Child 1's camp for this last week before school starts, and he's going with his best friend H and H's brother C. I think today was kind of a rehearsal for next Wednesday when he starts Kindergarten, except he won't have his best friend with him, but I'll be taking him to a brand new place with brand new kids and brand new teachers for the first time.

He's perfectly happy, by the way, but I'm sure you knew that. He's eatin' apple slices and running around and will soon be king of that place, as he is most likely destined to be king of every place that he graces with his presence. Me, however, not so much. I have a sick feeling in my stomach and my hands are shaking. Seriously? WTF is wrong with me? He's perfectly fine so what am I fucking freaking out about?

I think that all teachers and camp counselors who care for my kids think I'm a total freak because I'm always rambling something completely incoherent to them about how I'm freaking out at the moment. On my way out I told the dude sitting there that this was like practice for Kindergarten. He says "he seems pretty social and easygoing," like he was surprised that I would be so fucking weird about the whole thing. Yeah, maybe he should be surprised, because he doesn't know how much of a neurotic mess I am most of the time.

Whose brilliant idea was it for me to have kids in the first place? The only thing I can do is try not to let my weirdness rub off on them, I don't want them to become weird, too. Fuck.

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You must chill! I have hidden your car keys!

I can't even count the number of times I've said that I'm not cut out for this parenting thing because I'm too neurotic. Well, whatever that number was, we may now add another one.

The boys and I are at the grocery store this afternoon (where we ran into H and C and H's mom and OMGITWASSOEXCITING that we ran around the cheese display about 10 times until we fell down!!!!!!!!!). We were there to get some chicken, and there was a bit of a line, there was a group of shaggy high school, maybe college guys in front of us. Child 1 walks over, stands in front of them, points to them (which is more of a point/flap/stim combo) and asks "Are you guys getting chicken?"

And thus begins the internal dialogue.....

No, he can't do that! Must make him stop! They'll think he's weird!

So what if they think he's weird? Who the fuck cares what they think?

But other kids don't do things like that.

Yes they do, other 8 year olds definitely do things like that. 

How the hell do you know what other 8 year olds do? Have you ever known an NT 8 year old?

Well, no, I'm just assuming that he's weird because he's, well... WEIRD.

Maybe YOU'RE the one who thinks he's weird, have you ever considered that?

Hey, fuck you!

No, fuck YOU!

NO! Fuck YOU!!!


*fight scene ensues*

I didn't actually make him stop, but when they told him they weren't getting chicken I did feign surprise. Somebody seriously needs to take away my parenting license. Oh, that's right, you don't NEED a license for this. HA HA HA HA HA.... oh, that's not right....

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