Field journal

In the late 29th Century, archeologists unearthed a miraculous find: this field journal, written some time in the early 21st Century. It was an amazing look inside the mind of what scientists call "Cellphonicus Addicticum" and historians have dubbed "Insane Suburban Mother." This priceless discovery is now on display at the Global Chinese Museum of National History, and we're showing a bit of it to you now.....

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Field Journal

Monday

5:28pm: I dropped my cell phone into a glass of water. Oh, god.... it doesn't work anymore. I don't know what I'm going to do...

5:41pm: I put it in a bag of rice but then when I checked it 4 minutes later it still didn't work. I'm so scared.

5:45pm: I'm somehow managing to continue making dinner for the kids, even though my hands are now shaking and I'm starting to sweat. At least they'll be able to go on... after I'm gone.

5:59pm: OH MY GOD. What if somebody needs to text me? I called hubs and broke the news to him. He hadn't tried to text me. At least I have the house phone. Oh, god... at least there's still the house phone.

6:14pm: The shakes are pretty bad now, I spilled Child 2's glass of milk and he whined about that for a while. There's nothing I can do at this point except try to hold on, and hope that things get better.

6:29pm: I need to make a shopping list. How am I supposed to make a shopping list without my phone??? I need bread and cheese!! I'll never remember that on my own!!!

6:42pm: Hubs is home now and he told me about something called paayyyyyyyy-perrrrr that people used to use in the olden days to make things like lists. He said we actually had some in the house, too, and a "pon" that you use to write things. I will try this strange technology, after all... my family needs their bread and cheese.

7:28pm: I finally figured out how to make the pon and pipper work and have made a shopping list, which I'll tape in the empty space below after I've gone shopping. I'm so tired now. So, so tired.

8:14pm: I tried my phone again but it doesn't turn on. I'm feeling hopeless and full of despair at this point. Luckily hubs is here to take care of the children in my hour of need. I'm forced to check my email with my computer like some kind of cave woman. I feel awful.

9:32pm: I have no calendar! My appointments! I don't know where I'm supposed to go tomorrow! Do I have a client? I have absolutely no way of finding these things out without my phone!!!

9:45pm: Hubs suggested I think about it and try to remember who my client is tomorrow, and it worked. He's a rock.

10:14pm: The exhaustion of the past few hours have overwhelmed me and I must lie down. Hopefully sleep will come easily.

Tuesday

2:46am: I woke with a start, in tears. I was having a dream that all of my clients came to my door and wanted to know why I hadn't shown up, but I had no idea who any of them were without my phone.

8:45am: I made it through the rest of the night. I can't do anything except cling to the hope that the rice will have done its job and my phone turns on this morning.

8:49am: OH GOD, IT STILL DOESN'T WORK. IT STILL DOESN'T WORK. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO??????

9:14am: Heavily medicated, I have no choice but to leave for the client I'm pretty sure I have today.

10:00am: Luckily my memory actually worked this one time and I went to the right place. I made it through my work as painfully as possible. I only cried about 7 times.

12:00pm: Done with work, I go shopping. Do my credit cards still work if I have no phone? Does anything still work if I have no phone?

12:16pm: I'm at Costco. Unable to tweet the experience, I'm forced to stop people in the aisles and say sarcastic things to them in 140 character increments.

12:34pm: There's a Verizon booth in this Costco. I wonder if I'm eligible for a free upgrade yet?

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The field journal abruptly ends there, but we are still left to wonder: Did this Insane Suburban Mother find the solution to her problem? Was she able to replace her broken phone; saving her family and therefore the world? Historians can only guess, and marvel at the strength and courage of this brave, brave woman.

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