A letter to @JennyMcCarthy

Cartoon by my good friend Lady Estrogen

Dear Jenny McCarthy:

As an autism mom, I've never had a problem with you. Even though most people I know hate your guts, I've always maintained a casual distance from the whole thing. On the one hand, I'm a believer in vaccinations and the importance of herd immunity; both my kids have had all their shots, although not necessarily on a perfect schedule. On the other hand, I do have some questions about the connection between autism and vaccinations, despite the myriad of studies that have proven there isn't one. In my opinion, since we have no definitive scientific answer about what causes autism, we also don't have a definitive scientific answer about what doesn't cause autism, so I just try to keep an open mind about the whole thing.

In the past, I would always listen to the arguments against you and defend you by saying that every time I'd heard you talk, you would say "I'm not a doctor, I'm just a mom." That's something I can completely understand and respect. You were just talking about your own experiences and after all, we're all just moms (and dads) doing the best we can for our kids with the tools that we have.

At least at first, anyway. As the years have gone on, you've changed your argument from being "just a mom" talking about her experiences, to one of medical authority; casting doubt on scientists and doctors, but most importantly causing others to do the same. I'm not really on board with that, but again.... you're allowed to say what you want, and until now I was still sure that you were "just a mom;" doing what's best for your kid with the tools that you had.

I also had no particular opinion about you personally. If you want to show your body for money, I say more power to you! It's a very nice body, after all, and if that's something that works for you there's no reason I should think ill of you for it. You're an adult, you make your own choices, it's not my place to judge you for them.

As I write this I know that I will have some friends who will take issue with the fact that I'm giving you any credibility at all, but that's just what I do, you see; I am probably the most open-minded person you could ever know. I haven't walked in your shoes, I don't know your life, so I can't say anything about you other than to believe that you're just a mom, doing what's best for your kid. Who am I to say that your experience isn't as valid as mine? The answer is that I can't say that; nobody can say that, and that's the credo by which I live my life. My experience is my experience, and your experience is yours. Just because they're different doesn't mean one is more valid than the other. 

But then you went and made the worst mistake a parent can make, in my opinion: You cast judgment on other parents for not making the same choices you did. You broke the number one rule of autism parenting, which is to know that nobody knows any more than anybody else does and we're all doing the best we can with the tools that we have. But you had to go and separate us autism parents into two categories: 1. Warrior moms (Train A) and 2. Victim moms (Train B). A warrior mom will do anything she can to "cure" her child of autism, while a victim mom will do very little, all the while lying back and basking in the attention she gets from having an autistic child. Naturally here you are the warrior mom, but the problem is that by your definition, this makes me the "victim mom;" because I haven't done chelation and I haven't seen a DAN doctor, or various other biomedical options. All I did was ABA but despite the results we've seen, since my son is not currently "cured" of autism, that means that I didn't do "everything I could" for him, which, by your definition, makes me a "victim mom."

You know what, lady? Fuck you. FUCK YOU. Up until now, despite all the things you've said and all the damage you've done to the health of American children and the image of autism, you weren't my enemy. You were still just a mom, perhaps a very misguided one, but still just a mom, and I could respect that you had a different opinion from me. But now that you've called me a victim, and you have declared yourself to be morally superior to me? Kiss my fucking ass. I am no victim, my kid isn't a victim and none of my friends who have chosen similar paths are, either. But you're going to stand there and judge us for the choices that we've made, just because they're different from yours? No. No fucking way. 

Not that it matters to you, of course. I mean, I'm just a mom, doing the best I can for my kid with the tools that I have. You're rich and famous and there's nothing I can do that would hurt you or even make you change your mind. But at least I can say it, here on the internet: You fucked up, sister. You fucked up big time.

Nice tits, though.

Bitch.



Do you hate Jenny McCarthy, too? Join this Facebook page! She doesn't speak for the autism community; the rest of us do.

---