Everybody's off to the beach again today. My house is a total disaster (imagine that) so I'm using this day to be SUPER AWESOME MOTIVATED to clean and fix things up. I'm making a big pot of iced coffee to keep me moving. Let's see how it actually goes, shall we?
12:30 Family sunscreened and out the door. Let the cleaning begin!
12:31 Launch iTunes. Check various message boards, comment on friends' blogs, Facebook, blog site stats, Huffington Post, iGoogle headlines, reddit.....
12:43 Start this blog post while calculating in head the likelihood of actually getting anything done that I'd like to do. Wonder what movies are On Demand. Go get coffee started! That should help.....
1:02 Text from my cousin. Do I want to go to Pride? Yes, actually. Yes I do. I really do because Pride is fun and it only happens once a year. But I'm determined to be productive today. I assure her I will be productive for the gays. FOR THE GAYS!!!!
1:13 I don't have any fucking ice! How am I supposed to make iced coffee without any ice? That's just cold coffee and cold coffee is GROSS. However, in the time it took me to realize that I've unloaded and started the dishwasher. I deserve a reward, don't you think? Oh, look, iTunes is still going. Let's check Facebook. No, I will NOT "like" Michael Moore, I think he's annoying! It doesn't matter if I agree with his politics, he's a pain in the ass. Why does he have to harass the secretary or security guard who work at the business he's trying to get into? It's not their fault, they're doing their fucking job, leave the peons alone, dammit.
1:31 Can no longer ignore massive pile of laundry immediately to my right. I think it's starting to talk to me. It's saying "come ON, you lazy fuck, at least get a load started while you sit there! Yeah! That's what SHE said!"
1:33 Look what I found in the laundry room: it's a Mr. Potato Head with no parts, just a body, eyes and feet. Do I need to keep this? I'll ask Child 2 when they get home.
1:42 The squares of water in the freezer have not yet turned to ice. Fuck. Maybe I should just screw the whole plan and take a nap.
2:21 A CRAZY fucking burst of productivity (for the gays!) Do you know what's so awesome about doing this shit when nobody else is here? I can throw away anything I want, as long as I empty the trash before they get back. A HA HA HA HA HA HA!! Enjoy the beach, SUCKERS!!!!!!!! Time to reward myself for my mini burst of productivity.
3:00 Okay, I just spent the last 40 minutes trying to figure out how to embed an audio file here so that you can all enjoy this beautiful Avett Brothers song. The problem, it turns out, is that Apple just won't let you. I guess you can do it with an mp3 but not an m4a (TWSS). Fuckers. Please enjoy this live video, instead. I would SO love to see these guys live.
3:12 HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!! I never actually pressed "start" on the washing machine. I win at laundry!!!!
3:21 EWWWWW!!! SILVERFISH!!!!!
3:28 I'm starting to lose interest in this project. I wonder if I need anything at Target?
5:54 Well, it turned out that I did, indeed, need a few things at Target. But first, I needed to spend an hour... an HOUR.... A FUCKING HOUR..... looking for my keys. I turned the entire fucking house upside down and got more and more pissed off with each passing minute. You know those thoughts that go through your head in a time like that? I was sure they had been in one of those garbage cans I had just emptied (who's the sucker now, huh??) Somebody was going to have to pay for this and it wasn't going to be in the form of me hunting through the fucking trash. Well, I found them eventually. I won't even make you guess where they were, because you never will. I'll just show you pictures.
Hey, check it out, it's Child 1's cute, kitschy lunchbox from Target. (Jon Waters would be so proud of us). It would be silly to look in here because why in the world would my keys be inside of Child 1's cute, kitschy lunchbox from Target?
ONE... HOUR.... LATER....
Oh. Oh, I see. There's also a plastic funnel of some sort, a matchbox car and a panda bear in here. Looks like somebody was helping me clean. THANKS, KIDS!! THAT'S REALLY REALLY HELPFUL. NO REALLY. I MEAN IT.
5:55 Okay, back to cleaning.
6:13 I'll get up in 7 minutes.
6:20 10 more minutes
6:41 Uh-oh, hubs just called and they're all on their way back. GO! GO! GOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
6:47 HA HA check out the Pride cheer my cousin came up with: "We're here, we're queer, it's San Francisco, no one cares!" LOL
7:15 I'm doing 6 months' worth of filing of PTA financials. It's funny how your standards change as you go through a process that you want to finish quickly. At this point I'm saying to myself "Put checks in chronological order? They're in the same fiscal year; close enough!" (you accountants will like that one!)
8:00 Everybody's home, my experiment in procrastination is over. All in all I'd say I did pretty well; I hope I made the gays proud. Here's my desk now!
I realize that an after picture is pretty useless without a before picture, in which case... bite me, fuckers, I didn't take one!
8:01 Off to wash off all the sunscreen and the sand and put the little dudes in their rightful places. Bed, that is. I mean bed..... Why, what did you think I meant?
UPDATE: Okay, I guess when you spend an entire day writing one post you're going to lose some versions of what you write. I added the 7:15 entry after the fact.