Here's a snippet:
The Center for Science in the Public Interest announced Tuesday that it will file a lawsuit against McDonald's, calling the practice of marketing toys with junk food "illegal" under consumer protection laws in Massachusetts, Texas, the District of Columbia, New Jersey and California.
"Dangling a toy in front of a kid to try to get them into your restaurant is unfair and deceptive, because it's targeted at kids who are what? Four years old? Six years old? Who don't even understand the concept of advertising," Michael Jacobson, executive director of CSPI, said in an interview with ABC News' Yunji de Nies.
"It's not just a meal. It's the technique you're using to get kids to buy a meal," he said.
Yes. It's the technique you're using to get kids to buy a meal. You know, that four year old (OMG MY kid is four! HE'S IN DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANGER!!!!!!!!!!!) the one who can drive a car and can count out his own money; he's always taking my car and going to McDonalds because of those goddamn crack/happy meal toys. He's just an innocent child, fer crissakes, a VICTIM who doesn't understand the concept of advertising; and here I am, his mother, HELPLESS against the illegal marketing practices of Evil McDonalds, which dangles toys in front of him and makes him fat. FAT!! MY KID IS GOING TO BE FAT AND THERE'S ABSOLUTELY NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT. DAMN YOU, MCDONALDS. DAAAAMMMNNNNN YOOOOUUUUUUUUU !!!!!!! *violent fist shaking*
Okay, you're probably seeing my point here. I should tell you straight out that we go to McDonalds; every Friday after school, that's what we do. They get the Chicken Selects (do I get royalties for mentioning those? I'll go look in my mailbox and see if there's a check there) and the little one even dips his in ranch dressing! We call it "getting chicken and french fries," even though we never actually get the fries, because if there are fries in my car at any time I will eat every last one of them, so it's best to keep them away. From me. We don't get the happy meals, though, usually because they come with french fries (see previous) and also because they're the McNuggets, and not the Selects, which just aren't as good according to my picky children. But, you know, the reason we go to McDonalds and not Jack in the Box (which doesn't have happy meals!!!) is because McDonalds has the good coffee, and if I can't get coffee during this excursion, I'm just not interested in the entire process. But I digress.... Yeah, we go to McDonalds. I should get that bias right out there in the open right away.
Child 2, my four year old (the one AT RISK here) is the kind of kid who will see an ad on TV and immediately want it. It's how we ended up with that fucking Zhu Zhu Pet (did you know those things moo'ed? Why does a guinea pig toy moo?) So, if he were to see an ad for a happy meal, and it was something that interested him, he would probably want it. But, you see, The Center for Science in the Public Interest, yeah, I'm talking to you now, that's kind of the part where I come in. No, he doesn't understand advertising, and yes, he's interested in pretty much every shiny thing that passes his field of vision, but it's my and hubs' responsibility as his parents to teach him how to eat properly and to take care of himself in the long term so that all the advertising in the world will pass by his field of vision and still allow him to grow up a healthy and happy adult (unless it's one of those Sham-Wow infomercials, I mean, I'm only human, I can't protect him from everything). But what you're doing here with this lawsuit is saying that not only am I powerless as a parent to teach my child how to eat right, but that it's not actually my responsibility, anyway. I can just let go of all of that, and if my kid ends up fat and unhealthy, LOOK! I have somebody to blame! It's totally not my fault, and the Center for Science in the Public Interest SAYS SO.
Seriously, what's wrong with us? Can't anybody take responsibility for anything? This article might as well be from the fucking Onion, but it's NOT. It's not a joke. Somebody really thinks Happy Meal toys should be illegal in the state that I live in. Because kids today are fat. And that, apparently, is where their argument ends, and they're not even joking! And countless number of parents will probably agree with them, too. They're probably the ones with the fat kids.