My child was late because....

At our school, when you get your kids there late, you're required to stop by the office to sign them in while they pick up a "tardy slip" and bring it to their teacher. The Sign In Sheet of Shame, otherwise known as the Late Arrival Sign-In Sheet, asks you to put their name, the time you got there, and the reason you were late.

So, we were late one day last week, and we did what we were supposed to, and I look at the sheet and most people have written benign things like "overslept" or "doctor's appointment" or whatever, and I was thinking.... nobody ever writes the truth on this thing, do they? Because the truth really isn't necessary, when you think about it. The school doesn't really need to know why your kid was late, they just want you to admit that it happened so that you can accept responsibility for it. ($$$)

I think I just wrote the word "late" or something equally awesome, and then I walked away thinking.... if I were to actually tell the truth on that sheet, what are some things that I could say?

Here are some options:

• Little asshole wouldn't put his shoes on (related)

• While walking to school, both of my children suddenly and mysteriously developed Cerebral Palsy and became unable to move their legs. Somehow they managed to drag themselves here despite their newfound conditions and the palsy was miraculously cured the moment we arrived

• I woke up on time but then I blinked and it was 45 minutes later

• Wanderlust

• My autistic student had a major anxiety attack about having to go to school (where he is being teased and made fun of) and was physically unable to leave the house

• It's cold and my bed was really warm

• Because school is stupid and boring and we hate stupid, boring school that's stupid.

• While walking onto school grounds, student lightly brushed his arm against the gate and subsequently fell to the ground in theatrical hysterics while Mom stood by, helplessly yelling "YOU'RE FINE! GET UP! WE'RE GOING TO BE LATE!"

• There was a disagreement about the appropriateness of wearing pajamas with no underpants to school. While reason eventually won, the battle was well fought.

• Some days it's just not worth the effort.

---