It always makes me laugh (on the inside. I mean... I don't want to embarrass myself... moreso....) when somebody puts me in charge of kids. It's like they don't even realize that I'm just a large child, myself, and actually a rather bad influence; and while I do take my job of "make sure they don't disappear into thin air" seriously, as for the rest of it, yeah... not very much.
For example, I tend to get in trouble right along with them. We'll all be yelling and running around and then another adult will come charging in yelling "STOP YELLING AND RUNNING AROUND" and I'm like.... oh. Right. THAT. *cough* "Yes, kids! Stop yelling and running around, um.... just like I told you, uh... before...." (One time I was in the classroom, it was a Friday, and the teacher was sending homework home, and I said in a whiny little voice "Homework on the weekend??" and she said "Stop whining! You're not one of my kids!" Whatever. You're not my real mom.) I gave Child 2 a bottle of water for the bus because he gets really carsick and his teacher confiscated it. He knew that was going to happen, but I told him to take a chance. I should have taught him to hide it better.
So at one point, we're all in this classroom type place and they're doing these experiments, mixing different liquids and solids to see what happens. I'm at the table with Child 2 and a bunch of others (because I'm not only never ever ever ever allowed to leave his immediate line of vision I must be within grasping range at all times) and they all have these little mixing trays, and I'm watching and helping them to not spill and I'm saying things like "see what happens when you put more vinegar on the baking soda" and then I realize... HEY! I want to mix liquids and solids, too! So I ask the sciencey chick for a mixing tray and she's like "seriously? you want a mixing tray?" and I say "YES!" and I could see she was thinking "Jesus, what's with this one? All the other parents are just sitting around chatting like they're supposed to....." but come ON!! Did you know that when you mix lemon juice and chalk dust it totally fizzles and bubbles up just like baking soda and vinegar does?? Why does it do that? Why am I the only one who didn't know that?? THAT IS SO FUCKING COOL!! (I did manage to watch my language in front of the kids, though, and I only said "DUDE! Check this out! That is SO COOL!!!")
And then when the sciencey chick said "okay, put down your sticks, your experiments are over!" I said "AWWWWWWWWWW. I wanted to do another one! Okay, fine...." POUT.
Those kids fucking love me.
Child 1 update:
I'd sent an email to the Principal, saying I wasn't happy with the way things were being handled and I didn't like being in the dark. She called back twice and emailed three times within a 3 hour period, saying she didn't realize I hadn't been informed (could it be because she told Child 1's teacher not to talk to parents about it? hmmmm). She has essentially gotten the whole story, which was that kids were asking him to say weird things and then they would laugh at him. She seems to be taking this very seriously and is talking about school-wide autism education and teasing/bullying discussions, etc., which I will be a part of.
But what's most important is that Child 1 is okay. No more crying and insisting that he's sick so he doesn't have to go to school. He still doesn't like school, but who the hell likes school? The point is that he's happy again, and that's really all I care about!!!