Yeah. Good Times.: How I get my kids to cooperate when personal hygiene is involved

xmlns:og='http://ogp.me/ns#' Yeah. Good Times.: How I get my kids to cooperate when personal hygiene is involved

Thursday, May 17, 2012

How I get my kids to cooperate when personal hygiene is involved

Earlier I was messing around with Child 2 and I noticed that his fingernails were really gross. I mean.... GROSS. They were long and fucking disgusting. They needed trimming.

(Here is where there should be a drawing of really gross, dirty fingernails, except I was completely unable to make that happen. I even traced my own hand on the wacom and no matter what I tried it just ended up looking like a bunch of mangled, dying finger puppets.)

So I grabbed the clipper thingies and grabbed his hand and he freaked out. He doesn't like getting his nails clipped. He always makes a big fuss and pretends that it hurts him, when clearly it really doesn't; the truth is that he's just kind of a pussy about things like this.

We argued about it for a while, I tried to reason with him about the importance of good hygiene and not being gross, but he just wasn't having it. Eventually I made him an offer he just couldn't refuse. That's what we do in this house, we make deals; we constantly barter. Do this for me and I'll do this for you, etc. I'm not sure what kind of future this is preparing him for, but... whatever. Hopefully not as a stock broker or a politician or anything. As long as I get what I want in the end is really what's important here.

So I say "I'll make you a deal: while I'm clipping your nails, you get to curse as much as you want." He was very intrigued by this, because usually these foul, foul words come out of his sweet, innocent face and I get kind of upset about it, because a 6 year old shouldn't be swearing!! And as long as we're being sincere, which I am, the truth is that I don't actually curse around him and I always yell at hubs when he does it. So, I guess it's hubs' fault. I hope he doesn't read this, and if he says anything to the contrary, he's a damn dirty liar!!

Anyway...... I gave him permission to curse like a drunken sailor the whole time I was clipping his nails and ultimately.... of course.... he agreed, because what 6 year old wouldn't want that??

It was painful to listen to, though. I clipped fast.

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mayorgia 44p · 671 weeks ago

Hahahah that is a very creative solution! I happen to think kids who swear are hilarious (also, yeah, I agree - drawing hands on a tablet is VERY hard)
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BeggingAnswers · 671 weeks ago

Now THAT'S parenting!
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1 reply · active 671 weeks ago

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jillsmo 103p · 671 weeks ago

RIGHT?????

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Elizabeth · 671 weeks ago

I don't get the deal with nail cutting. We have the same issue in our house with toenails being even worse than fingernails. I like how you bribed him though!

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aliciadifabio 30p · 671 weeks ago

LMAO!!! This is hysterical! I love how he added "crap" to his list of curse words. you are very ingenious. one of my girls (neurotypical) gives me the HARDEST time with nail clipping... and earring changing... and putting on and off a bandaid. Sheesh, she has more autistic-tendencies than my ASD child now that i think about it.

Anyway, this is seriously the funniest thing I ve read in a while! thank you for the laugh :)

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stimeyland 92p · 671 weeks ago

They're just words. And he's using them in an appropriate setting. I see no problem with this. Of course, I do swear in front of my kids. So maybe I'm not the best person to ask. I do not, however, allow my kids to swear, so I might be making use of this trick next time I have to cut my own kids' nails.
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Six · 671 weeks ago

That is awesome. I think its pretty funny when my kids curse (though I don't admit that to anyone). It is hard for me to get mad at them because I am the reason they curse, for sure. My kids hate getting their nails clipped, I'm gonna try this!
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sherilinr · 671 weeks ago

my aspie daughter was really stressed and bottling everything up, so once, i tried to get her to purge it all out. i gave her permission to write down or say any and all the bad words she knew. she wouldn't do it! i was so disappointed. i was hoping to learn which naughty words she'd learned by the ripe old age of 7. but silly rules girl that she is, she wouldn't break the established rule of no bad words, even when i gave her permission.
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Jess · 671 weeks ago

lol. I love this :) My kids scream like banshee's if I even think about coming near them with fingernail clippers...you'd think I was cutting off limbs or something. Of course, my husband would kill me if I ever gave them permission to curse for any reason, so I can't try this one!
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Claire · 671 weeks ago

OMG! Perfect, I need to try this. I can already hear my son cursing in English and Spanish all the ugly words which he has absolutely no idea what they are or mean. Too funny. Thanks.
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sortedmegablocks 24p · 671 weeks ago

My son's SPD is WORST with fingernail cutting. Baths are ok, and we can even get through haircuts now without the FBI being called in. But fingernails--- that takes BOTH parents---- I do his sister first--- and while I'm doing his sister, he's warming up with the screaming and crying. I can't get through cutting his fingernails without scars and without another person holding him back from biting me. It's rough going.
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Dani G · 671 weeks ago

Last night the bird's tooth was dangling and I couldn't bear it another day, so I ripped that mother fucker out. There was blood. Fuck it. I gave her a cup of water and told her to rinse. That's aiding in personal hygiene, right?

I put my wings on and played tooth fairy last night, too. My kid gets chocolate chips, not money. One for her, two for me...
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Mary A · 671 weeks ago

Hi -- new toyour blog & I don't mean to sound like a stalker or anything but . . . .I think I luv U.
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Kiesha · 671 weeks ago

My 8 year old would love you so much.

Kids cussing is funny -- I'll never forget the first time our oldest cussed. He was playing around upstairs saying "damn it" every time he got frustrated. He was 4.

We try hard not to say bad words in front of the kids but they just come out sometimes!
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Stephi · 671 weeks ago

I'm so glad that when my youngest picked up cussing there was only a VERY select few who knew what she was saying - mainly the hubs & I - yay for speech delays in that regard. Her two favorite phrases for a VERY long time were : "Dammit all to Hell" & "What the fuck" ...Thank you dear hubs for your obsession with Family Guy & daily bonding with your daughter over it since birth. I taught my son EVERY word I could think of & what they meant when he was in preschool after coming home saying a boy had gotten in trouble for saying a bad word & he didn't know what the phrase "bad words" meant...I also countered my vocabulary lesson with giving him better words/phrases to say. No issues with it since.

As far as personal hygiene & all that goes - the only problem I have is the 10 year old boy is reluctant about taking regular showers & the 4yo girl doesn't like to have her hair brushed by me. But we use the barter system for EVERYTHING else. The most common one lately has been: "If you sleep ALL night in your big girl bed, by yourself, I'll paint your fingernails TWO pretty colors in the morning." (It's worked 2 nights this week! WOOHOO!...and we both forget before she goes to school, which leads to half a meltdown AS the bus is showing up because we forgot to paint the two colors!) ...Another long running popular barter is so long as she puts on socks with her tennis shoes I don't care if they are also two different colors - yea, for the last two months she's REFUSED to wear matching socks. Oh well.
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The Lint Trap · 671 weeks ago

My 2year old went thru a two month period of saying "DAAAYYYUUMMM" constantly. It was like she was constantly in a rap video.
We thought it was really funny until she yelled it out really loud at my grandpa's funeral. I thought my very proper mother was going to fall out, and then she started laughing and it was all ok.

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lizzlecakes 20p · 671 weeks ago

I feel like this is a look into my future 4 years from now.

I'm filing this under possible incentives for nail-clipping.
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arnebya 41p · 671 weeks ago

I don't know what the hell it is about clippers that sends kids into a frenzy. Even my 8 yr old runs when I try to do her toes, walking around the hardwood sounding like a damn talon tapping monster. I keep trying to tell her that shit ain't cute come sandal time and how the hell are your shoes fitting because EW. The boy is 2 and says no, I not cut my pingers. First off, learn to pronounce an f properly (seems to be ok when you're saying fuck instead of truck so what's the deal w/pinger?). Second, you're not cutting anything, I am, just count. I'll be done before you get to 11.
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The Animated Woman · 671 weeks ago

Not sure what's funnier, your swearing angel, or you tryna trace your hand on the wacom.
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Kristi · 671 weeks ago

And , of course, this is genius and I'm doing it.
Cursing is cute from a four year old, right?
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catoctinknots 22p · 671 weeks ago

Lol Love! Filed away under things to try....
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@TechyDad · 671 weeks ago

My wife and I have an ongoing argument about cursing. She grew up around hockey players and their colorful language. Meanwhile, I'm a freak-of-nature who never, ever curses. Thankfully, our kids haven't started cursing except for saying "chicken butt" (a phrase they picked up from Mickey Mouse Clubhouse of all places).
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1 reply · active 671 weeks ago

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theanimatedwoman 2p · 671 weeks ago

You mean you're a "freakin' freak of nature"...right?
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Jennie B · 671 weeks ago

When I'm cutting the kids' nails it requires restraint (for Moe) and bribery (for Jelly). Whatever works.
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Lawree67 · 671 weeks ago

Wonder if I could barter with my 13 year old who has Down syndrome and ADHD. I'll promise him he can swear all he wants while he wipes his own ass instead of calling his father to do it!

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Sandy · 671 weeks ago

Do you think the cursing bribe will work for a 19 year old? I might just be willing to try. He has the most disgusting nails EVER. I was never able to find a way to manage nail clipping with him. Hair cuts are still an issue too. He does shower and brush his teeth occasionally because his girlfriend won't kiss him if he doesn't.
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Sanstrousers · 671 weeks ago

That's amazing!

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Andrea · 671 weeks ago

Fan-fucking-tastic!
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Becky · 671 weeks ago

Hey, whatever works. I'm all for it. by the way. I made Katie another eye doctor appointment for August. We may have a follow up guest post in the making for the #allkidsdothat series. fml

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Becky · 671 weeks ago

Oh yaeh, cussing from kids IS funny. When Katie was 18 months old, she called her Uncle a "fucker." Thank God for speech delays.
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aprilviv 15p · 671 weeks ago

So funny brought back memories. I am rather clumsy so my daughters would insist on walking around with gross nails rather than letting me clip them. I may have had to clip their nails sumo wrestler style more than one. I don't know why there was so much fuss when bits of finger went missing.
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solodialogue 73p · 671 weeks ago

So, has the school called yet? ;)

I don't dare do this one - the child already has no filter and attends Christian preschool... Might I suggest a nail file instead? That or a threat with polish...
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Opi nail supply · 633 weeks ago

Thanks dude for sharing your interesting family story with us. I like to read such kind of story whatever my child is cool and quite as she was six. She always like to keep clean and beauty of her nail. Ha ha....!!

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