I don't know what to call this one

I've got a lot of topics kicking around in my head these days but I haven't had the patience or the attention span to sit down and write them out. I start trying to and then I lose interest halfway through, get distracted by reddit, and suddenly it's hours later and I have to go pick the kids up. Eventually I might extract this crap from my brain, but I guess now just isn't the time.

Couple things I want to say, though:

When I started blogging, it was just a way for me to scoop random shit out of my brain and put it somewhere; I had no idea that it would turn into this massively awesome and wonderful support group, made up of people from all over the world. You guys have become my sounding board for when I'm struggling with something, my confidants when I need to talk, my party buddies, my sisters, my partners in crime, my so many, many, things, and I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you to all of you who are awesome and who continue to be awesome every single fucking day, regardless of all the other shit that we deal with. Thank you. So very very much.

Secondly, Child 1 is going into 5th grade this year, which means middle school starts next year. Middle school, for me, is a major source of terror and anxiety. I was bullied in middle school. Yes, believe it or not, I have not always been this strong person who takes no shit and who mocks people who are mean, there was a time... a long time... when I was timid and meek and scared of other people. Middle school, for instance. I was bullied by "the cool kids;" the mean girls; the popular crowd. For whatever reason, they decided they didn't like me, and I had no tools to stand up for myself, so I got pounded by it. It is this experience that makes me absolutely fucking terrified of my beautiful, sweet, kind, autistic child going off to this fucking war zone of hormones and horribleness. He, too, has no skills to stand up for himself; he is not strong, he is soft. He could get fucking pounded, as well, and I am. so. scared. for. him.

They say (whoever "they" are), as part of helping your special needs child through the transition from elementary school to middle school, it's important to keep your own anxiety away from them as much as you can. My anxiety will rub off on him and just make things so much worse. That's actually always been the case for me, I'm very neurotic and my neurosis just doesn't help him at all. And so... just a heads up people! I'm going to be relying on this blog, and all of you guys, to be the place where my anxiety gets dumped, so that I can keep it away from him as much as possible.

Things might get ugly, so this is just a warning. Hope you guys can hang on for the ride. I'll try to draw funny pictures.

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