Thoughts on getting older

For me, getting older has meant not giving a shit.

Okay, let me explain.

It used to be that I cared so very much about what every person in the world thought of me. Even somebody who could potentially be called my worst enemy, I had trouble living with the idea that such a person didn't like me. It had to be fixed; I had to make things right, or at least I had to try. And when I failed, which you will inevitably do with a person who doesn't know you and therefore irrationally dislikes you, I would beat myself up about it for days and weeks.

That seems to have changed for me and the only explanation I can come up with is that it's because I'm just getting older. I've seen a lot of life, I've experienced a lot of shit, good and bad; a lot of bad. I have a kid with autism and for some reason these facts have put so much perspective on things for me that I was able to let go of a lot. I just don't care anymore. It's incredibly liberating.

Life is too short to dwell on other people that you can't change. For example (hypothetically speaking, of course) somebody who would accuse me of having this blog because I'm trying to sell something and my only motivation is to manage my online image and bolster my position of privilege and authority. (OMG HYPOTHETICAL) In the past I might have been tempted to defend myself against such a hypothetical accusation, but now? Ehhh. Fuck it. I know myself; I know who I am and I know that such a hypothetical person doesn't know me from Adam. I see my children and the good little people they're becoming and I know that they are what's important. Not some cranky hypothetical stranger on the internet. They don't know me, and more importantly, they don't want to. So I no longer bother even trying to give them the time of day. (It's about 10am Pacific right now).

And another thing... life is too fucking short to not have a sense of humor. I feel sorry for people who can't laugh, particularly at themselves. I imagine that must be a horrible way to spend your time - not laughing. On the other hand, I also don't know them, so I can only guess. But you can't change a stranger who chooses to live their life in that manner, and so the most important lesson I've learned from getting older? Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.

And on that note, please enjoy this series of posts where I make fun of myself. I call it "HA HA, I'm dumb."

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