1. There's something in the dryer klonking around; it's small enough that I couldn't find it when I went in to look so probably a lighter;
2. There's a cat locked in the garage screaming his head off and another one in the kitchen, surprisingly also screaming his head off;
3. There's a 5 year old playing a video game in the next room shouting "OH MY GOSH RUN UP THE HILL RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN NOW RUN OVER THE HILL OH MY GOSH YOU CAN DO IT GO GO GO NOW AROUND THE CORNER AROUND THE CORNER AROUND THE CORNER..." etc.;
4. Behind me, in the same room, is a video of a BART train going WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO again and again and again, accompanied by a child mimicking the noise and going WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO again and again and again.
Calgon? You're powerless against this shit, so don't even bother.