I'm going back to my roots

You know, "my roots." I'm going to go back to my original hair color.

NO, that's not what I mean by "roots."

You know, "my roots." I'm going to visit Russia and Poland, because I am an Ashkenazi Jew.

NO, that's not what I mean by "roots!!!"

MY ROOTS!!! I'm going to start doing a lot of gardening!!!!!

Wait. What?

By "roots," I mean the roots of this blog, although the more times I type the word, the more convinced I am that it's not actually a real word. When I started this blog, I had no idea what I was going to do with it. I had no point, I had no reason, it was simply going to be a dumping ground for my brain bits. Those are my roots: Brain Bit Dumping Ground.

I talked about autism because it's a part of my life, but the truth is that it's not the whole part of my life (and I am very much aware that I have the luxury of being able to say that while a lot of you do not, and not a day goes by that I don't both take note and feel thankful for that). Autism doesn't run my life; it is not the center of my world. My child is autistic but he also has brown eyes, and he has a brother who has blue eyes and is the funniest person I've ever met. Those things are just as much a part of my life as autism is, and I don't want to be an "autism blogger." I don't want to try to change the world anymore; frankly it's just too much pressure. I know I do it to myself; many of you, particularly those who know me well, tell me that I put too much pressure on myself, and yet.... here we are, with me putting too much pressure on myself. So, this post is more for me than it is for you guys. TOO BAD. Read it anyway!

I'll be honest with you guys: last week's attempt at creating a discussion between autism parents and autistic adults knocked me flat on my ass. As soon as I posted it I knew I was in over my head. It was too much; it was totally overwhelming. I know that a lot of you guys appreciated it, but I don't think it's for me. I don't have a big enough readership to actually make a dent in the public discourse, and honestly I don't want that responsibility, anyway. I don't believe that I am destined to change any dialogues, or to "bring people together" in a Kumbaya/campfire kind of way. I can and will help anybody who wants to do that, but I'm just not a leader in that area. Maybe I can accidentally educate some people along the way, and that's awesome, but that's as much responsibility as I want to have.

This blog is like Seinfeld: it's about nothing. It has no purpose, it has no point, but most importantly I don't want it to have a purpose or a point. I like being able to switch back and forth between complete crap and maybe some serious stuff, shitty artwork and random pieces of music; and I want my Brain Bit Dumping Ground back.

So there. We'll see how it goes. Knowing me, I'm going to change my mind tomorrow and this post will have been for nothing, but the point? Is that this blog is for me, I do this shit for myself, and even though it's no longer just me and 2 friends having a private conversation, my only responsibility in doing this is to myself. In my opinion.

Anyway, tomorrow I'll be doing a giveaway. Wait... WHAT?? Didn't you just get done saying you were going back to your Roots of Nothingness??? Since when were giveaways a part of that?? Well, see? I'm totally unpredictable!! HA HA! Ha. *cough* Actually I just have this thing that I don't want, so I thought I'd give it away, but I didn't know who to give it to and this way I don't have to ask around. Genius.

I will end this post with Brandi Carlile's new song, because SERIOUSLY?????? This chick fucking rocks and this song is AWESOME.

---