The letter I wanted to write to too many people in the Down syndrome community:
Just because both of our kids have the same amount of chromosomes doesn’t mean we have to be friends. It doesn’t mean I have to like you, your blog, or even your kid. I don’t feel like I have to be friends with every parent whose child has 46 chromosomes, why would it be different for kids with 47? If we’d be friends anyways, fantastic. If we can share common heartaches, triumphs, goals, great. But this isn’t the same.
Why? Because you are HORRIBLE to be around. You are a first time parent of a child with Down syndrome. It’s the most dangerous combination, I think, in all of parenthood. Because you think you can tell EVERY OTHER PARENT of a child with Down syndrome that they are doing it wrong because they aren’t doing what you’re doing.
Guess what? Fuck you. You LOVE to shove it in people’s faces and straight down their throats that your daughter/son is doing SO WELL. You’re not doing it because you’re proud of your kid. You’re doing it because you’re proud of YOU. You wouldn’t ask when my kid first sat up or whatever only to follow up with , “Well, my kid did it x amounts of months sooner, so…oh, it must be because you weren’t able to get enough therapy. Oh, you could have but didn’t? Why wouldn’t you? Don’t you want her to be her very best?”
I do want her to be her very best. But it’s not a fucking race. You’re taking away what this child was sent here to do: To remind you that it’s okay to not do everything the same as everyone else. To slow down. To enjoy every moment.
And what’s more? I don’t have it in my sanity to do four sessions of PT a week, 2 sessions of OT and ST. I have several other kids! You have ONE KID. You don’t work. Give me a fucking break. And what’s more? It’s going to come out in the wash. I work with my daughter. She gets therapy. She doesn’t need to be forced into walking or talking when she’s not ready.
And then there’s your blog. Your blooooggg. The blog you think everyone will just love because it’s full of pictures of your kid and how fantastic they are doing in everything. Do you realize that people don’t think you’re so great because of all the shit you post? They think you’re obnoxious. If they’re anything like me, they’re completely sick of you talking about how wonderful you are.
And stop telling me what I can and can’t blog about. The next time you dare tell me that it’s my fault if someone aborts a baby with Down syndrome because they read the REALITY of it on my PERSONAL BLOG I’m going to just lose it. On you. I’m sick to death of people thinking that we all have to be happy about the Down syndrome every minute of every day. I’m not happy about my typical kids every minute of every day. If you want me to treat my Down syndrome kid like any other kid, let me. Because I yell at my other kids and call them assholes when they’re being assholes. If someone aborts because I said it’s hard, they probably weren’t ready to be a parent anyways.
And for crying out loud, I don’t think you’re a badass because you told someone off for not using “person first” language. In fact, I think SO MUCH LESS of you. Why? Because you didn’t know about person first language before you had your child and now you think EVERYONE ELSE should? Do you think you’re doing good to the Ds community by being an asshole? They’re not going to come to the next Buddy Walk because you told them they’re ignorant. They’re probably going to key your car.
You see your child as your ticket to fame and that is wrong. You see it as a way to force people to associate with you, and that’s sad. I’m not going to do it anymore.