xmlns:og='http://ogp.me/ns#' Yeah. Good Times.: and that's when I lost all faith in humanity

Saturday, December 17, 2011

and that's when I lost all faith in humanity

I was browsing around reddit earlier, reading rage comics, which I love (normally), when I found one written by somebody who works with autistic kids in an elementary school, referring to himself as a "tard rangler." I'm not going to show you the comic, since most of you don't know what I'm talking about, anyway, and I think it would just be more confusing.

Anyway, I was upset, and I left a comment, of course, knowing that it would be wildly unpopular, because they hate shit like that over there.


Y'know, it used to be that I didn't really have an opinion about what they call "The R Word," but which I prefer just to say: retard. (Kind of like saying Voldemort). Look, I blogged about it over a year ago. But in the last year, Child 1 has experienced the beginnings of what will likely be a lot of bullying in his future, and even though that word was never used by any of the kids at his school, I seem to have grasped onto it as the symbol of everything he's going to suffer at the hands of other people in his lifetime.

I know, maybe more than anybody, that people on the internet like to play a role, because the anonymity of the internet keeps them safe from having to take any real responsibility for their words. And I know that people will say things on the internet with the intention only to piss people off (that's called "trolling," and people do it on reddit all the time, just because it's fun for them). And I also know that people, especially on reddit, like to take the moral position that you should be able to say anything in the world you want to because the 1st Amendment gives you that right. But there's something about a person who would so gleefully say to a mother of an autistic child "I'm sorry your tard is such a burden," with the sole purpose of making me angry, that makes me lose all faith in humanity.  I'm not easily offended by much, as you guys might know, and I'm not even sure if I'm offended by this as I am just really sad. Really really sad.

Because this is what my kid is facing in the years ahead of him: having to be around people who think nothing about saying and doing whatever they want because they think it's funny. These people, who might be pushing him and physically hurting him and actually calling him a retard to his face. These people, who call themselves "tardcharger," and who think it's hilarious and perfectly acceptable to say things like this.

Just to be clear, I'm not saying that anybody should be censored, my problem is with the thought process of a person who thinks that this kind of thing is okay. People actually think that this kind of thing is okay. How do I protect my child from people like that? The truth is that I can't. And that's why I'm sad now.

UPDATE:


Update 2:

The kid who originally made the comic emailed me and I'm confident that he's cool. He's young, and saying things like that on reddit will get you karma, and I'm sure that's what he was going for. But, the fact that he wrote to me, and felt bad, convinces me that he's cool. The other dudes, though.... that's a whole other story.....



Comments (52)

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No words. Well a couple. What a fucking idiot.
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People like that make me ashamed to belong to the same branch of the animal kingdom, I honestly think they should never ever be allowed to have children and perpetuate their bigotry and lack of humanity. Pfft.
That just blows. Wondering why anyone would think it was OK to say that. Makes me wish them to have a major head injury and spend the rest of their life as a SN person themselves. Um yeah, this shit makes me really mean and vengeful.
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Amy {babybabylemon}'s avatar

Amy {babybabylemon} · 693 weeks ago

Things like this are why reddit scares the crap out of me. I'm sorry that people suck so much.
I'm sorry that people are awful sometimes, but I'm happy that your son is such a fantastic kid.
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Karma WILL kick his ass at some point, and he'll have no idea why. Some people just take ignorance down to a whole lower level.
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1 reply · active 693 weeks ago
Between this and the whole Sue Basko thing, I'm ready to step away from social media. The mean-spiritedness is just more than I can take sometimes. Well, most of the time lately. How about the next line about "aborting" the thread. People that would be mean to special needs kids (and their stressed-out, on-the-edge parents)...well there really are no words for how low they are.
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1 reply · active 693 weeks ago
I know this is cliche, but this says more about him than you or your kid. Yes, he is the type to bully or make fun of your child. But he is also likely to be bullied and made fun of. Looking for someone lower than he is to kick, or actually, looking for someone he thinks is lower than he is but his actions prove that he is even lower. Picking on people because you can is something you do when you feel powerless and weak.

The man in a story I shared who called the little autistic boy and "idiot" is distant from his kids, it's clear they are closer to his wife, even though of all 6, 3 are his from a previous marriage. His wife openly flirts with other men, complains about what an ass he is in public, and when he is out of town, treats herself and friends to lavish dinner parties at his expense... then posts pics on FB with a big "FU glad your not here" to he husband..... See, see how that works?
Mr. "Tard wrangler" is probably convinced that he is a loser who really wanted to teach gifted kids but got stuck with "tards" because he sucks at what he does... rather than feel sad, maybe you should feel pity... but don't get carried away.
1 reply · active 693 weeks ago
You know.. just between you and me.. the only time i was ever arrested was when someone referred to my son as retarded. I completely lost my mind. I had never heard someone refer to him as that before. And, that's when it hit me. OMG, PEOPLE are going to think he's RETARDED. HOLY FUCKING SHIT! Hit me like a TON of rocks. Cost me a lot of "rocks" too. I think "the r word" is a VALID word WHEN USED IN DIAGNOSTIC PURPOSES. You have to realize that SO OFTEN up until the early 2000's that was the MAIN diagnosis for a LOT of kids. You cant make the word RETARDED disappear. Sometimes, when you're categorizing kids which, HAS to be done. Calling someone.. or something retarded.. omg i will come unleashed.

Sue Basko.. the bitch never sleeps i swear. I wake up to her emails. sent between 2 and 4am..lol PSYCHO MUCH?

The world sucks. Not always, but when it is, it sucks. Ignorance.. it's out there. Even in our own "special needs" community. On the flip side, you'd be surprise how many people are more than willing to accommodate.

..i'm rambling.
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I think I recently read something that said, "I'd rather be the parent of a special needs child than be the parent of a child who makes fun of special needs children."
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2 replies · active 693 weeks ago
Ugh! Hmmm...maybe try to take solace in the fact that you weren't the only one speaking out in the comments? I especially liked this comment: "My little brother is autistic and it breaks my heart thinking that the people helping him at school might be making fun of him behind his back. I don't think you're a bad person, and I know you don't think you're hurting anybody, but you should try to be a bit more conscious."

and this one "I agree. My mother-in-law runs a special needs program and if she heard one of her employees call one of the kids a "tard," especially if that kid was her son, they'd be fired on the spot. It's not something you get to decide is okay just because your job is stressful."

There's always gonna be shitty people out there, but at least there's also other people out there willing to call them out on their shittiness.
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Handflapper · 693 weeks ago

Y'all are going to hate on me, and Jilly, you know I love you, but I think you're giving "that word" too much power. No one could ever say I'm not a fierce advocate for special needs kids, but that word really doesn't bother me that much.

A colleague and I used to have our lunch interrupted every day by a student who would run in from the cafeteria crying that someone had called her a retard. This was middle school, when kids specialize in cruelty. None of the bullshit things adults say to kids to make them feel better made any difference at all, and we could write up the little creeps who said, but next day there would be somebody else. Then one day my friend looked at this student in exasperation and told her, "The next time someone calls you that, you look at them and say, 'What's your point???'"

The last time this particular student interrupted our lunch was to run in and announce that she had done it and that the kids had laughed and asked her to sit with them.
1 reply · active 693 weeks ago
oh man, this hits close to home for me too. why do people feel free to say the most ridiculously nasty things online? i have a youtube account and i put up a video of our cat having kittens and my daughter was in the video too because she was so excited and happy & i've had so many disgustingly rude comments about her. calling her horrible names and saying how stupid and fat she is. thankfully i can delete the nasty comments before she sees them, but i can't protect her from everyone forever.
what is the matter with people?
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I agree with the commentor above, I would much rather have a special needs child rather than have a child who makes funs of a special needs child. Your child has you, his parents are stuck with him.
I sure wish he could be tracked down and turned in to school administrators...

Sorry you found that. Humanity has a lot to answer for.
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I have nothing witty to say. I feel your pain.
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I guess I'm relieved to find out that he wasn't actually someone who works with autistic kids. I'd hate to think that someone who works with my child feels this way about them. But I'm sure that happens too.

All we can do is speak up, one asshole at a time, then move on. We may not change that person, but other people are listening, and I think we have a greater affect than we can tell from one conversation.
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What. A. Fuckwad. And that's all I have to say about that.
Wow, and the person who posted after that was extra classy, while clearly thinking they were being tongue in cheek >.>

If nothing else, Autism does not equal mental retardation. It'd be nice if people could get that right. Y'know, in addition to the fact that WE'RE ALL STILL HUMAN BEINGS.

I'm sorry, I did grow up in the 80's/90's, and occasionally refer to something as "retarded". But people? With my education? Developmentally disabled. If I deign to comment at all. Though I do occasionally have to tell the next person in line that no, the little boy I was waiting on was not just "some kind of a brat". And leave it at that. Because, privacy. But what the hell.

(I think I stopped making sense. Ah well.)
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Being a social worker, I lost faith in humanity a long long long time ago. Thank God this kid isn't a real teacher...his parents must be so proud of the SOB they are raising. I agree with the other posters...I'd be disgusted if my children ever made fun of another child...for any reason. What an asshole.
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I just love you Jill. Really.
I'm sorry these people are out there...I don't have any good advice for coming to terms with the existence of such cruelty either, only the never-ending hope that our kids have as little exposure to creeps like that as possible.
~Lesley
What an asshole.
If he's not careful, it would be easily froseeable that soemthing liket his could cost that kid his job. I'm glad to hear that he e-mailed you and seemed to feel bad, but he really should watch what he posts in the future. I agree with you. It is a sad day when people can post things like that with the sole purpose of pissing you off. I don't understand what kind of a society we live in where that sort of thing builds your rep online. Not to mention, I don't know why people even CARE about their online rep. Knowing what the definition of retarded acutally is, it stands to reason that these people posting these things are socially and emotionally retarded.
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I've been rendered speechless by this. Nothing I can say of any meaning regarding this subhuman being. I am so sorry this exists :(
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Thank you for speaking up. What a little asshole that kid is. In all likelihood with autism rates on the rise he may very well end up having a kid with autism one day. Stupid, ignorant jerk hiding behind his online identity. It'll come back and bite him in the ass one day.
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I just don't understand how some people can be so hurtful. It boggles the mind.

I take some comfort in karma and the old "what goes around comes around." Let's hope this kid learns his lesson sooner rather than later!
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Good for you for standing up for your child. Honestly, I don't know ANY educator who would call himself that. Yes, we have to have a sense of humour about our job and our students. But name-calling and nastiness aren't having a sense of humour...they're bullying.

I spent a lot of time as a teacher trying to eradicate the word "retard". I told my students about my aunt every year - my aunt who is in a wheelchair, who communicates with a language board, who has the mental capacity of a child, who is one of the people I love most in the world, who was "retarded" back when that word was an actual scientific label. I showed them pictures and shared stories and told them how much words like that could hurt people. I'm not sure that it worked...but I do remember one year rushing over to the playground to stop one of my bully boys. He was saying to another kid "Don't ever call anyone a retard, you asshole!" as he pushed him off the swing. Progress? I'm not sure.
I have to tell my (aspie boy) not to talk about 'spazies' ESPECIALLY as he has a sister with cerebral palsy. He picks it up off the internet. How to stop it, I don't know. He does it unknowingly, but it looks like this lad did it deliberately to wind you up :(
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Ugh, this makes me sick. I always like to tell myself (in the little world in my head) that people aren't this mean.
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1 reply · active 692 weeks ago
*sigh* and for Jill - *hugs*
What I find maddening about this sort of situation is that people jump faster than lightning to remind people of their first amendment rights. What they forget is that rights come with responsibilities. There's nothing responsible about hurling insults at someone, especially those who are vulnerable, it's assholery of the highest order.
Hey smo. Redditors are assholes, dincha know? I know this because I'm one of them. And it's spelled "wrangler".
1 reply · active 692 weeks ago
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Jennifer Hall · 692 weeks ago

For a very long time I didn't see anything wrong with tossing around the word retard. Just over the past year really, I've learned that it's actually not cool, really no better than the N word that black people don't like us to use. When you know better, you do better.

The word dork, on the other hand, with always be used freely!

I've never been on reddit, and now I kinda don't want to.
I read this early this morning and I was sad, disheartened and frustrated. Understanding that this is a teen and a somewhat regretful one is somewhat meaningful but ultimately still sad. I think this combined with the whole LA Times, Basko quote thing was just too much, too ridiculously within the holiday season for me. Sometimes, it seems you just have to leave those who cannot be taught alone in their ignorance to find your own peace of mind. Knowing when to do that is the trick. I <3 you, Jill. And I think we both know that there are a lot more people out there who don't know but are willing to learn - and then there are some who will never know...
1 reply · active 692 weeks ago
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mamagaytko · 692 weeks ago

I wonder how the asshole would feel getting pimpslapped by a pregnant girl......I know violence isn't the answer, blah blah blah but honestly, sometimes people NEED the shit knocked out of them because they're too ignorant to comprehend a "polite discussion" Let's all pray that thing doesn't procreate
I am beyond angry. And shocked. And what the hell is wrong with people. I too agree, we have the right to say whatever we want, but that doesn't mean we should. Some things are just never okay to say, not for laughs, not for shock value, not for anything.
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Jill, my mama would have backhanded me if she ever heard me call someone that. I was raised better.

My babies will be raised better, too. I promise you that we are out here trying to make the world a better place for our sweet babies to grow up in. Maybe with all of us making so much noise about it, people will start trying to change.

Also, I just love you to pieces, too. You're an awesome mama! :)
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Good for you for saying something. I like to give some people the benefit of the doubt (ok i don't LIKE to, but i'm TRYING to) and figure they really don't realize what the fuck is coming out of their mouths. Sounds like you at least made the kid think. Which is pretty impressive, for a teenager. Bravo.
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For what it's worth in my early 20s, when I was in college, I started dating someone. We were getting really close, enough to talk about starting a relationship, and I liked that they worked with special needs kids. But then they started actually talking about their job and speaking in a really disrespectful tone about the children they worked with. Not just disrespectfully, but bitterly too, like "I'll just get punched or bitten tomorrow", stuff like that. I remember feeling shocked. Feeling a little nauseated. And wondering, why did you choose that line of work if that's your attitude to the kids?? Some people just shouldn't be working in the fields they are. Some people should most definitely not be in care. Anyway, I broke it off very abruptly.

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