Thoughts on not giving a shit

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, as I rapidly approach A Birthday That Is A Multiple Of 10, how things that used to bother me I just don't give a shit about anymore. I'm sure it's part of getting older, of figuring out priorities, etc., but sometimes I'm just struck at how much I really don't give a shit about things that I used to give a shit about. And, I was just talking to a friend about the cathartic power of blogging, so, I thought I'd make a list.

Petty online squabbles

I'm a member of 2 online communities, one of which has been together going on 9 years now. Some of these people are, truly, my best friends in the world, even though we've never met in person. And there was a time when what somebody wrote on a message board really had an impact on me; I took it all really personally and really seriously. But, then, my brother died, and my kid was diagnosed with autism, and the other kid came along, and all of these real life things kind of got in the way of these online things and I just stopped caring so much. I recently had a little spat with an online person and I was amazed at just how seriously she was taking the whole thing. I told her, who gives a shit what I think? I'm just words on a screen to you, you don't know me, why do you care what I say? I used to care about that stuff, but I just don't anymore.

People who are passive aggressive

Y'know, if you've got something to say, just fucking say it! Don't be a pussy about it and beat around the bush, I don't have time for that. I also don't have the interest for that, so if you're not going to just come right out with it, get the fuck out of my face, would you? I have shit to do, I don't have the time, energy or the interest to indulge your little pity party. Shit or get off the pot, I say!

Politics

I used to care. I really did, I used to care a lot. I worked on campaigns, I did voter registration, I organized, I picketed, I did it all. But then the 2000 elections happened and I had this major moment where I realized that I have, literally, no power. It doesn't matter what I think or what I say, it doesn't even matter who I vote for, because nothing I do will make a difference. So, I stopped caring. I watch Rachel Maddow (LOVE HER!) and she attacks these things with such snarky glee and I wonder: how does she do it? How can she care so much? Okay, well, maybe that's a bad example, because there's a person who can and DOES make a difference; a HUGE difference. But, I used to have her (albeit less adorable) attitude and at this point, 10 years later, I can't even muster enough energy to pretend I care anymore.

You know who I probably sound like right now? My Dad. I can just hear my mom saying "Holy shit, you're just like your father!" (That's how she talks, my Mom. She's awesome).  I'm totally okay with that, sounding like my Dad, because my Dad is also awesome. These are the things that are important, I'm realizing as I continue to age despite my best efforts to stop time. The people you love, the people who have been there for you, the people who rely on you to keep them alive. Fuck all that other shit, the shit that doesn't matter, it's just a waste of time to spend your energy on these things that don't matter.

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