xmlns:og='http://ogp.me/ns#' Yeah. Good Times.: The Dive Bar Welcomes: A goddamned survivor!

Friday, February 24, 2012

The Dive Bar Welcomes: A goddamned survivor!

Just a reminder, or in case you're new, that I don't write Dive Bar posts: these are sent to me by folks who have something they want to get off their chest. You can read more here or at the tab above.

I love this one. I want to hug her. I want to give her a high five. I want to smooch her little baby girl.....

To The Fuckface That Married My Mom,

Hey you spineless bastard, remember me? The four year old you raped and then tried to kill my mom in front of? Yep, my mom, the lady you paralyzed because she was trying to protect me. The cops told my mom I was too young to testify against you in 1985, that it would damage me emotionally. Yeah, the years of remembering not only what you did to me but to my mom didn't phase me at all, asshole.

The surgery I had to have on my lady parts just so I could be semi-normal. Being told I would never be able to have a child because you caused too much damage to my little uterus. Growing up starving myself so bad I was hospitalized several times because I didn't want to hit puberty. Puberty meant breasts and if I looked like a boy then I was safe. Men wouldn't want to hurt me. Being so terrified of any kind of sexual relationship in high school I was called a lesbian, which in the 1990s in my backwoods ass hometown was almost as bad as being YOU. Going to college and discovering drinking made the nightmares I had been having for years not so bad. Not able to grasp what a normal relationship was and pushing away any decent guy that tried to have anything to do with me. Becoming a complete whore after all of that because I didn't think sex had anything to do with love. I was destined to be what you had drilled in my four year old brain, something for men to use and then throw away. Watching my mom go through not one, not two, but TWELVE fucking surgeries just to be able to use a walker. That's right asshole, she can use a walker now after all these years. She has defeated you so suck it bastard.

You didn't win with me either. I found an amazing man who after nine years finally won me over to see that a man can love me. That I'm not the horrible person you made me think I was. That I deserve to be cherished. Guess what else? We're having a baby next month. The Drs were wrong and I was able to get pregnant. Thanks to you though I have nightmares about someone hurting her. Paralyzing panic attacks where I swear I will home school her and never work so she won't be out of my sight. Then I take a deep breath and remember that while there are a lot of sick bastards like you in the world, there's a lot more of us good, decent people. That I won't let you ruin her life because of my fear.

Because you took two victims and made us two of the strongest bitches I've ever known.