xmlns:og='http://ogp.me/ns#' Yeah. Good Times.: I am gonna stand my ground

Sunday, February 5, 2012

I am gonna stand my ground

Hey Henry, can you hear me?
Let me see those eyes.
This distance between us,
can seem a mountain size.
- Rise to Me, The Decemberists

I've started and stopped this post at least 5 times in the last few weeks. Some days I have it all written out in my head, but when I get to the computer I can't get any of it out. And some days I just sit here and listen to that song over and over again and feel sorry for myself. No matter what, I know it's not going to come how exactly how I mean and I'll probably have to explain myself with multiple edits...

Child 1 has never had a major regression and he's always been very affectionate and loving/able, but lately it's like he wants nothing to do with me. The only thing he ever says to me is "I'm hungry" and "Can we go now?" and "Good," when I ask how he is or his day was. Otherwise, it's like he's not even here. I don't know if this is him getting older, or some type of regression, or just part of the ebb and flow of parenting, but it feels different than it ever has before. Like I'm losing him; like I've lost him. But there's nothing I can do except let it happen because my struggle to get him to come closer will only push him farther away and I just have to ride it out and hope there's something on the other side of this.