I'M FREAKING OUT

 

This drawing, by my blog idol Allie Brosh, has absolutely nothing to do with what I'm about to post about. I just think it's funny. :)

I have often said that I'm not cut out for this parenting thing. I'm way too neurotic and I worry too fucking much; and about things I have absolutely no control over. In particular, I worry about their mental well being. If they're not both 100% happy at all times, I feel a little sick to my stomach (unless I'm the one making them unappy, in which case I'm oddly okay with that). This is really stupid, when you think about it, because NOBODY is 100% happy all the time, and expecting that either of my children would be is completely unrealistic and unproductive. As you can imagine, I feel slightly sick to my stomach quite often.

I've talked before about how 3rd grade freaks me out, so there's nothing new to report about that, except now I'm starting to have dreams about it. The other night I dreamt that I went to the house of the teacher who we'll have for 3rd grade and I was asking her questions about our IEP, how she would plan to implement it and gave some suggestions that I thought might be helpful to her. In the summertime. At her house. I'm sure I was very helpful to Dream Teacher. In reality I would probably know better than to actually go to her house, but that might not stop me from sending an email or 12. I'll try not to actually do it over the summer, though. Maybe I'll wait until the middle of August.

Child 2 will be 5 on Wednesday. He starts Kindergarten in the fall. We've been talking about it all summer and up until today he's seemed rather unfazed by the whole thing. I thought maybe he just didn't understand, so last week I asked him if he knew what Kindergarten was. He said it was when you went to a new school with a new teacher and new friends. Yep, that's about right. He still didn't seem very impressed by it so I figured maybe he was just INCREDIBLY well adjusted. But today, totally out of nowhere, we're walking to get Child 1 from camp and he just stops walking and starts crying. "I'm scared of Kindergarten," he says. "Why?" I ask. "Because there won't be anybody I know and none of my friends will be there and I'll be all alone." I asked him if he remembered when he started at the school he goes to now, how he didn't know anybody, and then he met H and Z and C and now he has lots of friends? He said he remembered and that made him feel better. It didn't make me feel better, though.

Ouch. Heart hurts. :(

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