xmlns:og='http://ogp.me/ns#' Yeah. Good Times.: Things that suck: Heel spurs

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Things that suck: Heel spurs

WTF is a heel spur? Yeah, I had no idea, either, until last week. A heel spur is the result of chronic Plantar Fasciitis, which is caused by "inflammation of the connective tissue that stretches from the base of the toes, across the arch of the foot, to the point at which it inserts into the heel bone." Eventually a crazy, abnormal piece of bone will just fucking grow out of the bottom of your foot like you're some sort of foot mutant creature. What does that mean? It mean your foots hurts a whole lot, and all the time. I am currently a lucky recipient of this wonderful, fabulous, incredibly fucking painful problem.

I like to walk. Not the pansy-ass kind of walking that just gets you from one place to another, I like to do that fucking kick-ass power walking where you look like an idiot because it seem like you're repeatedly punching yourself in the face. (please don't ask me how many times I've actually punched myself in the face, because... well, just don't ask). That kind of walking. I go up hills and around corners and I get up to 5 mph. Or, at least I used to do this, before the heel spur (and when I knew where my iPod was. sniff). I figure all this power walking I do (did) probably caused this foot problem of mine, but DAMN that sucks, because I can't do it anymore, because my foot hurts all the damn time. It's been about 5 months now.

Symptoms of a heel spur include: Pain. Yeah, that's it, just a lot of fucking pain. In your HEEL. Treatment for a heel spur? Rest. Advil. Stretching. Ice. And complaining. Lots and LOTS of complaining. I have an appointment with a sports medicine type podiatrist dude on Friday, but if my internet research is correct (and when has internet research ever been wrong?) he's going to tell me that I need to rest and take advil and stretch it and put ice on it. Yeah, that's what I've BEEN doing, asshole. For FIVE months now!

You know what you're NOT supposed to do for a heel spur? Ignore it and hope it goes away on its own. Yeah, for some reason ignoring the incredibly painful and abnormal piece of bone that's growing out of the bottom of your foot just doesn't work. I know, I know, you're now thinking to yourself "wow, I really thought that ignoring the problem and hoping it goes away on its own would be the remedy here. In fact, I was going to ask if you'd considered trying ignoring it." I KNOW, right? But, no, that doesn't work. For some reason you continue to need your feet for various things, and all that constant "use" of the damn thing just causes constant "pain," as well. So, I'm trying to rest the damn thing, but resting the damn thing is really fucking difficult. It's one thing to not go walking around the hills of Berkeley, but what about when you need to get yourself from one side of the room to the other? You'd better hope there's a skateboard nearby or something because you're going to need your foot to get yourself there. And you know what? There are NO skateboards in my house. I'm forced to drag myself across the room on my broken ass foot every. fucking. time. And even if there was a skateboard, I would probably just fall off it and break my arm, and my kids would point and laugh at me, thereby literally adding insult to injury. LAME!!!!



10 comments:

Right wing breeder said...

At least you're getting some color.

Anonymous said...

I wonder what a non fucking heel spur feels like.

Nibor said...

Sounds to me like a damned good excuse for lying on the couch and being waited on hand and foot.

Right wing breeder said...

Since when did Jill need an excuse for that?

marlowe Franklin said...

Jill- you're just precious! even with a heal spur

crogers said...

That was more cursing than I like to hear from a cadet in peacetime.

jillsmo said...

LMAO!

Nibor said...

New plan: Carve a hole in the inside of your walking shoes and just slide that spur right in there. Presto! Walking with no pain!

(And I can't say that I ever noticed your resemblance to that Precious chick before you pointed it out, but now that you have, WOW! I totally see it!)

jillsmo said...

My blog is just like reddit: the comments are the best part.

Suzanne said...

I have a fucking bone spur too and yes, it fucking hurts. I am a teacher and my doctor told me to stay off my feet and ice it. I'm a TEACHER! My job is to be ON MY FEET! Can you imagine how that would look to my students? "Today Jimmy is going to hand out all the papers, Mary is going to collect them, and Janey is going to write your notes on the board." Wait. That actually sounds good!

On really bad days I have sent students to fetch me ice from the nurses office. And that song "Party Rock Anthem?" Yeah, that part that says "Everyday I'm shuffling?" That's what I sing as I limp around. Fucking bone spur.

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