500 times the party (NSFW)

Over the weekend I hit 500 followers here (504 now. I waited too long to finish writing this piece of shit post. WHATEVER). 500 is a nice, round number... and I like nice, round numbers. There are no pennies, no fractions, it's just a 5 followed by two boobs. Who wouldn't like that, AmIRight?? So, I thought I'd throw a 500 Party and invite 500 of my closest friends. Because I like parties. Maybe you knew that about me. Okay, cheers! YAYYYY! DRINKING!!!!

In order to celebrate the 500ness of this occasion, I thought I'd tell you a few things related to 5plus2boobs that you might not have known before today.

Did you know...... ?

1. Each year all of the Hostess bakeries combined bake 500 million Twinkies a year.

2. The game Monopoly has been played by approximately 500 million people in the world

3. There were 500 flower vases on board the Titanic when it sank

4. 500 is an HTTP status code for Internal Server Error

5. The year 500 AD was a leap year

6. Of the 4 million children are born in the United States every year, approximately 36,500 of them will eventually be diagnosed with an Autism Spectrum Disorder (there's a 500 in there somewhere, so, close enough).

No, I'm not going to link to any of the sites where I found this interesting information. As far as you know, I made all of this shit up. That's just the way I roll, man.

Here are some other interesting facts you probably didn't know before today:

1. I was my first follower here! In fact, I have always been my biggest supporter  (actually... if you knew me... you would know that's complete horseshit and I'm actually my own worst enemy. Y'know..... like Pink...... but shhhhhhhhh....... [whisper]just go with it[/whisper])

2. I obsessively check my site stats and I label your IP address whenever you comment, so I'm going to need you all to comment on this post, especially if you've never commented before, so that I can label you. And then watch as you come and go. And wonder. Do they think I'm funny? Are they laughing right now? Do they like me? If they like me why don't they leave a comment? Why doesn't anybody ever click on that juggling chick's boobs over there in the sidebar? Maybe they hate me? They probably hate me. I'm sure they'll never return because I'm so unfunny and they hate me ..... sniff....... So lonely. So very very lonely......

Uncanny likeness of me stolen from reddit

3. You're only actually getting 2 uninteresting facts about me. I was going to write a long rant about BlogHer and how I don't want to be part of their "publishing network," because they keep fucking rejecting me for syndication, and.... OH. I see.... BlogHer..... If that's even your real name..... is that how it works with you? I'm not good enough for you to publish my words but you'll still try to make some money off of my 504 loyal readers? Is that all you think I'm good for?? Well no way, BlogHer! No fucking way!! (OMG... I'm just kidding. Please don't be mad at me, BlogHer. Please? Will you please syndicate me? It would make me so happy!! I want one of those "I've been syndicated" graphics so much. Can I maybe wash your car? Or pick up your dry cleaning? Do you have enough weed? I can get you some of that if you want. Would that make you happy? I just want to make you happy. I don't know what to do to make you happy!!!! WHY DON'T YOU EVER CALL ME WHEN I LOVE YOU SOOOOOO MUCH?????????????)

Ahem.

Anyway... on that note..... let's actually celebrate this milestone.... with a picture. And what better celebration picture is there than a stick figure drawing of a helicopter penis? RIGHT??? Hey, I happen to have one of those!

This was drawn by my friend Brandon, who blogs at My Own Private Idaho, and can be found on Twitter at @Spud_Slinger.

Happy 500 everybody!!!

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