The Dive Bar Welcomes: Gal Incognito

Today's writer wishes to remain anonymous and I have assigned her a kick-ass awesome Simpsons-themed name. Kick ass!!

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Dear Judgy McJudgerson,

Please do me a favor and Shut. The. Fuck. Up. You are NOT a better parent than me. Your ideas are NOT better than mine. Everything that works for you is NOT going to work for me.

If I choose to give my kid soy milk because that’s what I drink and that’s what the fuck I want to do? I do NOT need your unsolicited opinion about what the fuck you think my pediatrician is going to say.

If my kid sleeps in my bed and he, my husband, and I wake up happy? Why the fuck is it your concern? He isn’t sleeping in your fucking bed so keep your fucking thoughts about it to your motherfucking self. And when I mention that he now sleeps in his own bed all night long? Shut the fuck up with your, "I-told-you-so."

If I want to spend ridiculous amounts of money on stuff for my kid’s first birthday that he’s not going to remember? Let me fucking do that! I’m not spending your money so fuck off! Just because you took a minimalist approach to your kid’s first birthday does NOT mean that I should follow in your annoying ass footsteps.

I love you but you are really starting to piss me the fuck off with your judging. You complain about other people judging you all the time but you never look at yourself.

So listen up: LOOK AT YOUR FUCKING SELF, Judgy McJudgerson. Mother your own fucking kid. My kid is happy and thriving with his soy milk drinking, co-sleeping, extravagant birthday having self.

So shutthefuckup.

That is fucking all.

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