Yeah. Good Times.: The Dive Bar Welcomes: ______

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

The Dive Bar Welcomes: _______

I figured rather than saying "Anonymous," I'd be a little more creative.

Autism is kicking my ass.

Because I hate how relieved I am when the bus shows up in the morning.

Because I hate that my heart starts beating faster when it returns in the afternoon.

Because every day is like walking through a mine field lately.

Because every day I hold my breath, waiting to see if my child will be breaking things or barely holding them together.

Because nothing is helping any more, not one fucking thing.

Because no one is interested in helping anymore either, autism like this isn't so cute.

Because we have been doing this for years and beat to a pulp.

Because we have tried diets and supplements and tested pee and mailed shit samples and been on every psychiatric medication under the sun and nothing.

Because I always scoffed at those people who let their children go to an inpatient facility.

Because I always thought that would not be us.

Because now, I am painfully, painfully aware of where those people are.

Because now, that desperation and that feeling that autism has taken far too much control and you just can't let it take anymore, that feeling sucks.

Did I say autism is kicking my ass? I take that back.

It's not just kicking mine, it's trying to knock down my child and for once, I'm out of moves to fight back.

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tulpen · 734 weeks ago

Gawd.

I kinda wanna hop a plane just to come and give you a hug.
My recent post The One With The Witchs Window

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Claire · 734 weeks ago

Oh, man...brutal. That took courage to write. I wish I had some fancy words that would take all the bad away. Hugs instead.
My recent post On blog headers and the beautiful Sophie

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Kimberly · 734 weeks ago

Ugh. I feel beat down with "typical" kids. I can't even imagine. I'm sorry you're so deflated - it's such an exhausting place to be. Hugs from a stranger in CA...
My recent post the poop whisperer AND winner- winner- chicken dinner!

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Kelly · 734 weeks ago

You are not alone. While we do have windows of bright, bright sunshine, all too often autism casts a dark shadow on our family. I, too, have thanked God that it was a Monday - school day - so happy that someone else would be dealing with his shit instead of me. I have wondered all too often if I ruined our family by pushing The Hubs to adopt. Biomedical stuff didn't do shit for us, we are on our third combo of antipsychotics for a new four year old. This isn't to make it all about me, but to try to make you feel like you are in good company.

I do not want to be corny or THAT PERSON, but hang in there. You are so strong. You and your child will get through this. There just isn't any other option. Sending hugs and much love your way.
My recent post This Weekends Top 5 WTF Moments

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solodialogue 73p · 734 weeks ago

I don't think any of us could honestly say that we don't need a break from autism. It's hard and scary and huge and it never ever goes away. Sometimes, though you have to give yourself a moment just for you, no matter how you have to beg and plead and cry to get that moment. It will bring you new energy and you will find the strength to keep going because it's what we all do out of love. The love will keep you going. I too send you lots of hugs!!
My recent post Remaining Calm in the Emergency Room

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Rebecca · 734 weeks ago

But you won't let it kick your ass. You'll pull your big girl panties at least up to your knees and you'll fight like a girl. A big, mad, mean mama girl!
My recent post It Was A Scream

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nuttydingo 56p · 734 weeks ago

Ouch, that made me cry. I certainly relate to that feeling of desperation, and lonliness of having a child that pushes others away (literally). I certainly wish you abundant peace, and hope things turn around soon. Rest if you must, but don't give up the fight. Hugs from Texas!
My recent post Grab My Button…Go Ahead- GRAB IT!!!

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jillsmo 103p · 734 weeks ago

Huge (((((((((hugs)))))))))))

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Christy · 734 weeks ago

Thanks for being honest. It makes me feel better to know I'm not the only one who thinks this stuff.
My recent post Oooooh zopano!

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akazookeeper 60p · 734 weeks ago

Awwww Sounds like someone needs a hug. And so much more, but I'm afraid I have no idea what I could do.

Anyway, I feel beat the hell up by my kids sometimes and they aren't autistic. I hope things calm down for you.
My recent post Mommy Blogging &amp Internet Safety

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MarsupialMama · 734 weeks ago

Reading this post made me sad. I hope you have as much support back home as you do on here. As cheesy as this saying is, I like to remember it when I'm down: It's always darkest before dawn. **huge bear hugs**
My recent post Resigning Myself

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Mama Apples · 734 weeks ago

I wish I could hug you.
My recent post A Spark of Hope

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sharon · 734 weeks ago

Youre not out of moves to fight back, as long as you have that wonderful humour and some time to wait it out. IN the meantime hang on tight babe. Of course I can say that because a) I'm thousands of miles away and b] my hubby has taken Harri on a trip for a couple of days giving me some much needed breathing space. I can now go around the house and assess the damage, clean the place without him following me around trashing it. And hopefully find some of the kitchen utensils, and remote controls he has hidden around the place.
Anyway time for you to call in some assistance. Where the fuck are your extended family and friends? You need a night out. Life will seem brighter, and fuzzier around the edges after a few shots of tequila.
If you need respite, go for it. Dont let mummy guilt get in the way of your sanity.
My recent post Some Sciency Stuff

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hereishappy · 734 weeks ago

*hugs* I feel frustrated with my kids most of the time. My daughter was recently diagnosed with celiac disease. It is very frustrating fighting the fight for your child daily. I am finding that out. It is physically and emotionally draining. I hope things improve for you.
My recent post 7 Facts

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Amy · 734 weeks ago

I completely feel you. Completely. Right now I don't know what else to do with my oldest. I. don't. know. It is the most frustrating thing to be kicked in the ass again and again. Sometimes with my oldest, sometimes with my youngest. You're not alone, for sure. I know you know that, but it helps me sometimes just to hear that.
My recent post Am I Ready

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jentroester 36p · 734 weeks ago

Reading this post sounds like our future. We are in the, nothing sems to be fucking working camp, too, and, yeah, Autism fails to be cute once a kid reaches a certain age. Hugs...
My recent post Wordless Wednesday

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Jennie B · 734 weeks ago

Autism sucks, but you are not alone. I already feel so old and we're not even 2 years into it.
((hugs)).
My recent post Things I Refuse To Do On My Birthday But Probably Will Anyway

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Tuesday, March 1, 2011

The Dive Bar Welcomes: _______

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