Truth Behind the Lady
By Amber, from Unladylike Behavior
All my life I’ve always known that I’ve wanted to be a mother. The youngest of two, I grew up wishing, praying, and hoping for a little brother. Alas, my wish was never granted. I resorted to dressing up the dog and playing with the neighbor’s daughter, 5 years my junior. When I reached puberty I began to pimp myself out as the town’s most well-known babysitter. I was a damn good babysitter, and I made a hell of a lot of money at it. Each night I spent tucking these precious children into their beds I wondered when I would be singing the bed-bite song to one of my own.
It’s not that I am or ever was desperate for children. I’ve never tried to rush it. I simply knew that when the time came it’s something that would bring even more happiness into an already contented life.
It’s what I’m meant to do, right?
Do you want to know the truth? I’m terrified. I’m a fucking mess, how am I ever going to be capable enough to raise a child? When my dog wakes me at 3am to go to the bathroom I can barely muster ‘lay back down, it’s too early’ before my eyes are closed again. And dinner? How do people do it? When I make it home from work my first stop is for a glass of wine then I mull over the contents of my mostly-empty fridge. In the end I’ll probably decide that eating cookies for dinner really isn’t that bad, so long as they’re oatmeal chocolate chip. Hey, if I can have it for breakfast, who’s to say I can’t have it for dinner? God knows you can’t feed a child dessert for dinner. I think they cover that in Child Rearing 101.
I know I’m young, I know everyone is scared, I know blah blah blah. Still, none of that does anything for this voice in the back of my head that says ‘you’ll never be a good enough mother’.
How do you do it?
Logging you in...
Kimberly · 730 weeks ago
After 10 years on birth control, I was sick of being the sole party responsible for preventing a pregnancy. My husband's clock was ticking WAY louder than mine was (he's 7 years older than I am). So, I said, "Fuck it, I'm done" and stopped picking up my BC at the pharmacy on a whim. I'd mentioned to my PCP that I was considering stopping BC but I never told her explicitly I was. She mentioned in passing it could take 6 months to a year to get pregnant. That bitch LIED! I was pregnant in less than 2 months.
Now, if you saw where I shopped all the time, you'll probably come to the conclusion that I'm a vapid bitch. Spot on. I'm selfish, and I know this. And when I took the pregnancy test, I cried. And not because I was happy. I knew my 'life' was over. I have no patience for children. I was one of 'those people' that glared at parents who brought their children to nice restaurants. I sighed when parents brought their children to the movies. And I was about to have one. *sigh*
Flash forward 3 years and 2 months. My kid is the shit. He drives me bananas. I'm a shitty parent one day, and I'm a wicked awesome parent the next. He vomits in my hair, and I don't utter a peep. I clean it up, and I move on while my husband is in the corner dry heaving.
You'll find your way. I did.
unladylikebehavior 43p · 730 weeks ago
And the purse thing, the eating out, the shopping for stuff I don't need... yup, that's me, too. Maybe we can form a club. We'll call it the 'I Love Me' club. Or the 'Selfish Bitch' club, whatever.
Kimberly · 730 weeks ago
Kimberly · 730 weeks ago
unladylikebehavior 43p · 730 weeks ago
Amber
Jaime · 730 weeks ago
WE ALL FEEL THIS WAY!!! Before my kids were born, I was exactly the same. Slept a whole Saturday away, ate garbage for dinner, vegged in front of the TV, whatever.
But then, the kiddies come and you just do it. You figure it out. Not sure if you're pregnant or just thinking about it, but all that you're feeling is totally normal.
No one is ever really ready. You think you're ready, and then you have this squirmy little baby and you are SO. NOT. FREAKING. READY.
But you figure it out and your first kid gets all the mistakes and you're sure you've ruined them...but they end up okay. Then your second gets a few less mistakes...we'll see how number 3 goes :)
My recent post Sick Puppies
unladylikebehavior 43p · 730 weeks ago
Just ask Zack. I'm sure he's terrified about that, too.
flyingqueenb 38p · 730 weeks ago
Okay, okay. Not really.
Seriously...one foot in front of the other. And eventually you figure out what works for you. The best thing you can ever do for yourself as a mother is accept that you are not going to be "perfect" but that if you always desire the best & healthiest (physically, mentally, emotionally) for your kids and work towards that...you will be the perfect mother for them. And sometimes, oatmeal chocolate chip cookies are okay for breakfast. Truly.
My recent post Why Florida Sucks…A guest post by Carri Brown from Adventures in Mommyhood
Kimberly · 730 weeks ago
jillsmo 103p · 730 weeks ago
Kimberly · 730 weeks ago
Lady Estrogen · 730 weeks ago
dawn 58p · 730 weeks ago
But after a Cadbury Bar and a bag of doritos, and a resounding hour of "Oh, woe is me!" i got over it. The freak out HAS to happen. because your paradigm is about to shift in a big way.
Change ain't easy-- but it turns out our kids are awesome, and kinda make up for the sucky part. kinda. Gin helps too. ^_^
My recent post scrilla!
unladylikebehavior 43p · 730 weeks ago
dawn 58p · 730 weeks ago
My recent post scrilla!
Gini · 730 weeks ago
The amazing thing about motherhood is discovering just how much you're truly capable of.
My recent post Another Day in the Life
unladylikebehavior 43p · 730 weeks ago
Thanks for the great comments! Actually, everyone here - thank you!
karen · 730 weeks ago
My recent post Get OUT OF MY PERSONAL SPACE- Dear
unladylikebehavior 43p · 730 weeks ago
Amy · 730 weeks ago
I hope you find that helpful!
karen · 730 weeks ago
My recent post Get OUT OF MY PERSONAL SPACE- Dear
Taira · 730 weeks ago
I grew up with no career goals in mind - I wanting nothing more than to be a full-time mother. Now 27 years of age married for 2 years and 4 months pregnant I couldn't be more scared!
Maury Povich... those biatches on there who are 12 years old and say their ready are SOOOOOO wrong! How could they be ready if Im not! Ive got everything I need to be ready. A House, A Yard, A Great Job, A Husband, a Fabulous Family {that live close} and no worry in the world.... YET IM TERRIFIED!!!!
I hear you Amber! I hear you!
XO
T
lhand0124 49p · 730 weeks ago
I
AM
NOT
June Fucking Cleaver. I'm more like Roseanne with OCD. My kids eat what they eat, and fuck anyone who tries to say something to me about it. Like everyone else pretty much said, some days I feel like I've got this shit wrapped up with a nice pretty bow.. MOST DAYS..I'm pretty sure I'm failing miserably. When I found out I was pregnant. (Coleman was a surprise)... I was actually THRILLED... BUT...when the day came to leave the hospital. They put me in the wheel chair, handed me my son, and backed me out into the hallway. I looked into the room I'd spent the last few days in...
AND BUSTED OUT CRYING! I was scared to death, and the absolute LAST thing I wanted to do was go home with this child and be responsible for him. I cried all the way home, and I'm pretty sure I didn't stop until his first or second birthday! I WAS A MESS!!!
We all are. June Cleaver is a myth. You'll be the best mom for your kids, because they're your kids. No one will ever know them better than you. It just happens. It comes with the job. :-) Personally, I can't drink, but I know many who do and they say it helps.
My recent post “Free”
Big Daddy · 730 weeks ago
My recent post Man Crush
jillsmo 103p · 730 weeks ago
Whatever you do, don't read the book Operating Instructions until your first born is at least 6 months old. Seriously. Trust me on this one.
multitaskingmumma 57p · 730 weeks ago
Until I got pregnant.
9 months of worry and anxiety about what to do with this creature.
She's 11 months old and I still don't know what the Hell I'm doing.
My recent post Day 64
Cactusinyrpants 59p · 729 weeks ago