Yeah. Good Times.: Oh god, she came back. THE PUKE FAIRY CAME BACK.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Oh god, she came back. THE PUKE FAIRY CAME BACK.

I'm not kidding you, people. The Puke Fairy came back.

Okay, so, yesterday I'm in this incredibly shitty mood because of something happening at the school/in the district (I'll blog about it in a few days after it's hopefully resolved. This isn't at all relevant to the story, I'm just giving you a teaser so that you'll want to come back and find out. You're riveted now!) Child 1 is acting all weird and moving slowly and wanting to lie down and snuggle a lot (gotta love that, though). He ate one strand of spaghetti for dinner, which for him is a huge red flag because he's a goddamn bottomless pit these days. And then he crawled into bed and went to sleep. I should take a moment to point out that this was MY bed he crawled into. Because, as you know, barfing, pooping or any disgusting bodily function that smells bad and makes a huge mess must take place in my bed. That's the rule. Apparently.

So, he goes to sleep around 7:00. Child 2 gets shuttled off to bed at the usual time and Child 1 stays where he is. He wakes up around 10:00 and just lies there for a while, staring into space. And then.... yep. Guess what happened next? I'll try not to be too graphic, but let's just say that the adjective "projectile" is actually something that can happen.

Okay, Puke Fairy. If I admit defeat here will you leave me alone? You win, PF; you have definitely kicked my ass. I'm sorry I ever threatened to fight back, I should have realized that I was actually powerless against your magical abilities to make me have to wash the sheets on my bed AGAIN. I LOST, PUKE FAIRY! CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR VICTORY!

Now will you please go away? Please?

Comments (22)

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Lady Estrogen · 734 weeks ago

Ahh.... I'm there with you! The last couple days have been SHIT.
First, he puked on the dog. Then the OTHER dog pissed on the puke.
Next night, he puked on his brother's face; all in his eyes, ears, mouth. Ahhhhh.. Definitely something to tell them when they're older, but I'm DONE with the barf, SERIOUSLY DONE.
My recent post Just a Quickie!

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jillsmo 103p · 734 weeks ago

OMG I am so done.

So. Fucking. Done.

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Lizbeth · 734 weeks ago

What did you do to piss her off so bad that she came back?!? Lord in Heaven, why is she's such a bitch to you?!?
OMG, I'm feeling for you...
My recent post Hes still barking and now Im biting back

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jillsmo 103p · 734 weeks ago

I don't know, Lizbeth! I. DON'T. KNOW.

SOB

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sharon · 734 weeks ago

Ive a confession to make. The puke fairy was here a couple of days ago, but I sent her packing back to your place. Sorry, but it just seemed as if you didnt have enough on your plate already, and I had just recently played host to the shit fairy. They say what doesnt kill makes you stronger, and to that I usually cry bullshit, but you lady are one tough cookie.
My recent post How I Love TheeWhen Youre Far- Far Away

1 reply · active 734 weeks ago

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jillsmo 103p · 734 weeks ago

Okay, see, that's fucked up, Sharon. Because we DID host the shit fairy for a while, I just didn't blog about it.

So, yeah, I guess I'm the strongest person EVER.

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Kelly · 734 weeks ago

Oh.Em.Ef.Gee.

I would threaten to cut that bitch for you, but I am really fucking afraid that she will come after us next. Under all the gruff exterior, I am a chicken shit. Good luck. May the barfing end soon.
My recent post Things Not to Say to an Autie Mom

1 reply · active 734 weeks ago

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jillsmo 103p · 734 weeks ago

I really think, at this point, playing possum is the best way to go

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dawn 58p · 734 weeks ago

OK, time to burn some sage in your house and get rid of the bad juju.

Oh, and an offering or two to Athena or Brigit, or any other goddess of healing wouldn't hurt. Just offer a sacrifice, like the promise to not cuss for a day. She'll know you're serious then...

hang in there kid. And lay down some plastic.

1 reply · active 734 weeks ago

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jillsmo 103p · 734 weeks ago

I don't know who those goddesses are, but if they'll get me drunk, I'm in.

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Rebecca · 734 weeks ago

My word. That poor kid, I bet his ribcage is starting to sink in.
My recent post Cooky Crumbs

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jillsmo 103p · 734 weeks ago

He was already so skinny to begin with, too! :( His face has that sunken eye socket look. I hate the sunken eye socket look.

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solodialogue 73p · 734 weeks ago

Did you throw out everybody's toothbrush? Cuz you know those things carry bacteria like the plague... Puke fairies love to hide in those things. And buy some Gogurt. That's all I got. :(
My recent post The Weird Surprises of Blue’s Clues and ASD

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Cheryl D. · 734 weeks ago

Ugh! How awful! My daughter got sick AGAIN this week, but at least she's not throwing up! In the last month, she had 2 cases of strep throat and got sick with a virus this last Monday. Poor thing had 103 fever! Ugh! But at least no vomit was involved!

I hope the PF leaves you alone. But PF better not come anywhere near my girl!
My recent post How I Spent Oscar Sunday Before Attending the Big Event

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jillsmo 103p · 734 weeks ago

The PF needs to be taken down for good! Somehow.

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Allison · 734 weeks ago

Did you know your Puke Fairy makes mommy visits? Yeppers, she showed up and smacked me in the face on Sunday afternoon, then proceeded to kick my ass straight through to Wednesday. Turns out she does have a merciful side to her because she kindly overlooked my 7 month old, it also turns out i was one stomach flu away from my goal weight! ha!
My recent post The day I didnt throw-up on my baby

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jillsmo 103p · 734 weeks ago

Okay, first of all LOL to that last line.

Did you know there's also a Flu Fairy? I hate her, too.....

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Jordyn · 734 weeks ago

God. You're hilarious - - - seriously, you're like my dirty little secret blog that I follow. I aspire to be brave enough to have a blog like yours one day . . . rather than my typical mommy blog! One day the world will know what goes on in this head of mine. . . . they'll know.

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jillsmo 103p · 734 weeks ago

Oooh, I'm your dirty little secret? I LIKE it!

You know, I do have that Dive Bar where you can practice your dirty mouth before you take it live....