My children are not actually named Child 1 and Child 2.
You're shocked that I've been perpetrating this fraud against you for the uhhhhhhhhhhhh..... 9 months that I've been blogging; but it's true. These are not their real names.
Go ahead, take a moment. I'll wait for you to compose yourselves.
Does it really matter what I call them, though? I could be using their real names and just saying they aren't their real names, and would any of you know? Some of you would know, yes, but most of you would not. (I read on a new blog I saw the other day where a mom calls her kids Autie and Tippy. Get it? Autie and Tippy? So awesome. I don't remember where it was, but nice work, whoever you are!)
Well, apparently... to some people... it does matter. People who know them, and me, and therefore, by request, I am now officially changing how I refer to my children here on my blog.
First, the new names. This was written in the comments of some other piece of crap post that I wrote yesterday, by my awesome cousin Emily:
ATTENDEZ-VOUS! Readers of Y. GT. Child 1, the modelicious, chestnut-haired, autism-afflicted 9 year old man-cave dwelling viewer of BARTs and elevators shall be hereafter renamed.... BART! (You didn't see that coming, did you, Cousin Smo?)Okay, first of all, yeah. I didn't see Bart coming, and MAN is that embarrassing. Not only does it fit with his love of BART trains, it also fits with MY love of The Simpsons. So, really, it's perfect. And Tyger? I don't know what the fuck that is, but if that's what Emily says, then, fine.... that's what I'll do. (except, she tells me, that she almost named Child 2 "Santa's Little Helper." LMAO!!!!!!!!!! I might not have done it... honestly.... )
His charming, sweet-talking, moon-showing cat-harassing gap-toothed five year old NT brother shall hereafter be known as TYGER.
BART AND TYGER.
Put THAT in yer blog and smoke it.
(The above is to be quoted wherever you see fit.)
Wait. What? Since when do I take orders from anybody? Seriously, I don't normally do what people tell me to do. It's kind of this "thing" I have; in fact, usually, when somebody tells me to do something, I will do the exact opposite, just to piss them off. This can be a problem in the work environment. Good thing I'm a contractor.
Except, really, it's just a fucking blog, so who cares? And, there are some very good reasons why I would take an order about my kids' bloggy names from Emily, and nobody else (except hubs), which brings me to the point of this blathering:
- Probably most of you weren't reading my crap around Thanksgiving, so please take a moment to read this. It's not a trick, I promise! (THIS is a trick) That (first) link will take you to another thing that I wrote, about my cousin, and is important here because it explains a lot (and I don't feel like re-writing everything I already wrote a few months ago.)
- We are the geekiest family ever. She's been online since 1991 and has had the same username the whole time. I'VE been online since 1994 and have also had the same username. She's younger than I am, and has been online longer than I have! If my brother were still alive he would say that he's been online since 1987 or something. Our. Family. Rules. Teh. Geek.
- Emily was at my house last? week and was telling me about how she's a fan of all of YOU guys. Yeah, she reads everything you guys write. I mean, like... more than I do. I was embarrassed at how much more she knew about you guys than I did.
Here are some of the things she said when she was here (and I shit you not this is real, because I've been emailing with her while I was writing this, because I have the worst memory ever, and she confirmed it all)
- I love how Lynn labeled Audrey's shrinkey-dink "shiv" (I fucking loved that, too. SO MUCH.)
- It was great how Little Bird's birthday cake had her name spelled out in M&Ms and how cool that everybody wanted to be her friend??
- Isn't it funny how Griffin and Child 1 share the same love of elevator videos?
- I liked the video of the gluten free cook with her kids
- Moe and Jelly are adorable, and Jelly is such a good sister
Are you kidding me?? Could you be more awesome?
So, really, what it comes down to is that awesome wins here.
Child 1 = Bart. Child 2 = Tyger.