Can you believe I actually got some results from a Google Image search for "puke fairy" ? Then, again, this also showed up in the search results:
So now I don't know WHAT to think.
Dear Puke Fairy Bitch:
Okay, you want to fight? You want to fucking throw down? Because I will kick your fucking ass, you bitch. I will take you out. I'm not afraid of you. No, you don't scare me, and I'm going to fight and kick and scream at you with everything I have until you get the fuck out of my house FOR GOOD.
DO YOU HEAR ME, YOU FUCKING WHORE? GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE.
Do I need to explain this? Yeah, maybe a little bit. Perhaps you read my tale of our adventures with the Puke Fairy this past weekend? I thought we were out of the woods. Until today. I'm at work. And the secretary from the school calls to inform me that Child 2 is in her office barfing.
I mean.... Seriously?
It's funny how much I stop caring about what other drivers on the road think of me when I'm driving through downtown Oakland and then downtown Berkeley as fast as I possibly can to go pick up my sick kid from school. I've written about rude drivers a million times here, but today I just said fuck it, I'm going to BE one of those rude drivers and I don't give a shit what you think. Lots of people honked at me. Fuck 'em.
I realize, of course, that challenging the Puke Fairy to throw down isn't actually going to make either of my kids stop barfing, but it's certainly a fun thing to write.
I wonder. What will this weekend bring?
PARENTING DILEMMA: WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
1. Sick 5 year old; has now thrown up 4 times; is lying in bed, pale and lethargic.
2. Healthy 9 year old, at school. Needs to be picked up at 3:15. Healthy 9 year old has autism, can tell time and gets VERY upset by an unexpected change in his routine.
3. Husband stuck in traffic. Calls at 3:00 to say he'll be home in about 30 minutes
4. I don't have a neighbor I can ask to come by for a few minutes.
5. I don't have anybody I can call and ask if they can bring healthy 9 year old home for me
1. Bundle up sick 5 year old and take him with me to pick up his brother
2. Leave sick 5 year old home by himself while I go pick up his brother
3. Call school and say I'll be late and please have healthy 9 year old with autism who can tell time wait for me in the office for an undetermined amount of time, and wait for husband to get home and watch sick 5 year old
What would you do? Tell me in the comments and then I'll tell you what I ended up doing.