Five minutes later, when I'm able to breathe again and can pull myself up off the floor, I hunt him down for a chat. First I tell him that what he has done is called "mooning," and is, without question, the funniest thing that has ever happened in my office. But then I explain the appropriateness of The Moon, because I'm thinking there's a pretty good chance that not everybody in the world is going to find that as fucking hilarious as I do, and I can just picture him on the playground at school, mooning all his little friends (who probably would find it funny) but then I get a call from the Principal because my kid is in her office with his pants around his ankles and could I please teach my child some modesty? PLEASE?
So, I tell him that showing his dimply, adorable little butt is a perfectly acceptable thing to do, but only when we're home, and only to me and his Dad.
"What about my brother?" He asks.
"No, you can't show your brother your butt."
"Why not?"
"Because he doesn't want to see your butt. HEY! CHILD 1! Do you want to see your brother's butt??"
Child 1 answers from inside the man cave: "NO!"
"See? He doesn't want to see your butt." I say.
"What about in the backyard?" He asks.
"No, not in the backyard, only inside the house." I answer.
"But the backyard is part of our house, too."
"Right, but it's outside, and the neighbors don't want to see your butt, either."
"Should we ask them?" He asks.
"No, we don't need to ask them," I say. "I'm fairly confident that they have no interest in seeing your butt. Also, they're not your family, and you can't show your butt to anybody who isn't your family."
"What about Grandma?"
"Okay, not Grandma, either. Or Grandpa."
"Why not?"
"They're older, and probably won't think it's funny"(and they'll probably yell at me and I don't really need that....)
Our Moon lesson had ended and we went about our business. Then last night he mooned me again and I laughed hysterically again.
Then he went in to show hubs. It turns out that hubs doesn't want to see his butt, either and the Moon lesson was subsequently modified. Only I may be mooned, and nobody else.
I'm cool with that.
