You know how Seinfeld was a show about nothing? Well, this isn't anything like that.

Yeah, though, seriously. I have absolutely nothing to write about today. But, really, when you think about it.... has that ever stopped me before? No. No, it hasn't. So I'm going to just start typing and see what happens. And we're off!

And, anyway, I have to blog every day! Because I'm number two, people. I'M NUMBER TWO. And if I don't write anything then nobody will come here and (probably not) click on my little link graphic dealie, and then what?? THEN WHAT??? Then, nothing, actually, because being #2 is completely meaningless. It doesn't mean I'm the 2nd coolest Mom Blogger that exists, it means I've gotten the 2nd highest number of clicks on a link/graphic that only a handful of Mom Bloggers have decided to put on their blog, because... really, there are a shit-ton of Mom Bloggers out there, many of them funnier and better than me, and if any of them had decided to throw their hats into this fake contest, my rank would be much, much lower. In fact, my favorite Mom Blogger isn't even me. Seriously! It's Aunt Becky, and she doesn't have that graphic on her site; and if she did, I would certainly be #3 or lower.

Child 2 just asked me what a year is and I answered "365 days" pause "In a row." Why did I feel that second part was necessary? Was it a distinction so important that if I didn't put it there he might be confused by my answer? And is there a different name for 365 non consecutive days?

I got this in an email earlier today:

All third graders are given the opportunity to take a screening test for Gifted and Talented Education (GATE) identification. A teacher visits all third grade classes to administer the Cognitive Abilities Test, which is given over two sittings on different days, each lasting from one to one-and-a-half hours. 

This would normally kind of annoy me, since obviously my autistic 3rd grader isn't going to qualify as a Gifted and Talented student (shit, he would never even make it through a 1 1/2 hour test) except I know that No Child Left Behind has basically forced districts throughout the country to gut all GATE programs and just qualifying for GATE doesn't mean anything because it's not like the district is going to provide any extra services for these kids.

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA ohmygod I'm such a bitch....

I just brought Child 2 a snack and before I gave it to him I said "I need to taste one to make sure they're not poisoned." I, apparently, AM my mother now. That's something she always used to say; and, anyway, he totally busted me on it. He said "these aren't poisoned, you just wanted to taste it without having to ask me for one."

Whatever.

I hope he doesn't qualify for GATE when he's in 3rd grade, because he's not going to get shit for services for it.

Did you listen to me on the radio the other day? They finally let me talk after keeping me on hold for 20 minutes. Oh, but it's really cool, though, you should totally listen.

Earlier I had some time so I took a little nap, and woke up about 7 minutes before I had to pick the kids up. So, I grabbed a pair of sweatpants that were on the floor and I ran out the door. I put the sweatpants on inside out, though, and I had these big-ass pockets hanging out of the sides of my hips like big fucking elephant ears. I'm home now, though, and they're still like that. Fuck it.

Child 2 just came back and asked me, again, what a year is. I said "365 days." "In a row?" he confirms. "In a row," I say. I guess that distinction was important, after all.

I just got an email from somebody asking me to review their parenting book. For the first time EVER 1. I did not immediately hit "report as spam" and 2. wrote back, and 3. was nice and not at all sarcastic. I told them that I didn't do that kind of thing and I suggested (the first) 3 mom bloggers (that I could think of) who (I thought) might be interested (Cheryl, Caryn and Lisa). This will probably happen again, and I'll probably just make a form letter, so if you want to be on my list, let me know.

This has taken me about 4 hours to write. That is exactly how awesome I am. That's how number TWO rolls, baby.... Actually.... Ew. Oh, christ, would you just fucking click here already? Humor me, please??? No tricks this time! Pinky swears!

AAAAAAAAAAAAND..... scene.

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