xmlns:og='http://ogp.me/ns#' Yeah. Good Times.: The puke fairy has visited my house. And now if she could please go away, kthxbye

Thursday, February 24, 2011

The puke fairy has visited my house. And now if she could please go away, kthxbye

This past weekend was a 4-day one from school; how I love those. Usually parents hate having all these days off in a row because their kids are home and making them crazy. MY kids, however, are always perfectly happy to do whatever, even if it means staying home and doing nothing (actually, that would be their preference because they're lazy, like their parents) It used to be that any change in routine would totally freak Child 1 out, so I hated extended weekends or long vacation weeks, but things are different now, and having days off of school really just means that I don't have to set an alarm, I don't have to rush around in the mornings, I don't have to drag their little butts out of bed, get them dressed and fed and off to school by a certain time. It means I can sleep and don't have to stress! Awesome.

So, I was very happy that there was a 4 day weekend. Except.... very early Friday morning, right before the wonderful weekend started.... Child 2 barfed. 

Oh crap.

Well, okay. Fine. I guess we have a barfer. Let's see how things go.

It appeared to be a one time thing and he was shortly up and running around as if nothing had happened. And then it started raining, and it didn't stop for about 2 days. We weren't leaving the house even if we wanted to.

Then on Saturday afternoon, Child 1 barfed. I blogged about it. He was just lying there on the chair and it all came out. Onto me. Yay. But about an hour later, HE was perfectly fine and stimming and running around as if nothing had happened. I guess that's just how this particular bug works? Okay. Moving on....

Sunday was uneventful. Our weekend was pretty much ruined, anyway. It had finally stopped raining but we're still inside taking it easy, even though both kids are perfectly fine and healthy and full of energy (or so it seemed). Lovely weekend we're having so far, though, right?

Monday, very early morning, I'm sleeping in Child 1's bed and I hear "AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!" coming from the big bedroom, followed by "BBLLLAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH." Oh, christ. Child 1 comes in a minute later and climbs in next to me. I guess it was Child 2 this time. Child 1 and I go back to sleep and I pretend it didn't happen.

Yeah. It happened though, and we spend another day inside, "taking it easy"

Tuesday was supposed to be school for both of them but I didn't have to work and hubs decided to take the day off so we all stayed home.... just in case. Child 2 spends all day running around like a whirling dervish, chasing cats and yelling and jumping and bouncing and yelling and bouncing and more yelling? Then, mid-day, he's sitting on the couch and suddenly says "Uh oh, I don't feel so good," but he's kind of a drama queen and I thought maybe he was just prepping for trying to get out of going to school (again) the next day. I gave him a big tupperware, though, just in case, and I told him to aim for it if he thought he was going to hurl.

About 10 minutes later I'm in the kitchen with hubs and we hear "AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!" coming from the TV room, followed by "BBLLLAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH" and I go down to find that he has very thoughtfully filled up the tupperware and not gotten any on himself or the couch or anything else. Nice work! He then passes out for about 5 hours and when he wakes up, resumes his energetic path of destruction through the house (those poor, poor cats). I say to hubs "worst case scenario, tomorrow morning, how late can you stay home?" because I have to go to work! But if this kid needs to stay home, we can split the day in half. Hubs will take Shift #1 (until noon) and I will take Shift #2.

Wednesday morning (today) it's very very early. At this point I'm determined that these kids are going to fucking school if I have to drag their asses there kicking and screaming; I have to work, anyway. I'm lying in my own bed with Child 1 and he starts coughing. And coughing. And he won't stop coughing. What's with the coughing? Then I realize .... he's not coughing. He's fucking barfing.

ARE. YOU. KIDDING. ME??

I fucking FLIP out. I've already washed the sheets on my bed THREE TIMES this weekend, and now I have to do it again?? I start storming through the house, on this angry rampage, muttering about barfing and laundry and working and children and something something something LAUNDRY? AGAIN?? I think I scared hubs, because he looked a little nervous when he volunteered to take another day off work.

I almost literally drag Child 2 out of there kicking and screaming; I take him to school and I go to work.

As I write this, it is 3:00 on Wednesday afternoon. We're all home. Nobody has barfed in at least 8 hours. Everybody seems to be okay.

What will happen tomorrow, though? Only the puke fairy knows, and I wish that bitch would get the fuck away from my house.....



Comments (54)

Loading... Logging you in...
  • Logged in as
Ughhh, I feel your frustration - I can handle 10x the leaky poop rather than barf - so disgusting!
And having to do more laundry than normal is almost equally disgusting ;)
My recent post It Was The Music Room That Did It For Me
1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago
Yup, been there. Barfing is the worse. I'm so bad at it, that unless my children appear to be on their deathbed I make them clean up the puke. I know call DSS already. lol
My recent post My Brush With The Law
1 reply · active 735 weeks ago
Aaahhh. A bowl of Cheerios and a great barf post. I can think of no better way to start my day.
1 reply · active 735 weeks ago
Oh, I hear you.

The worst is waiting to see what happens. Yesterday morning my daughter had this weird sort of choking/puking thing happen, so I kept her home. She was INSANE and healthy all day. It was horrible. I'm glad she's fine, but I would have loved her to hit pre-school yesterday and not have us all trapped in the house.
My recent post The Day Target Hated Me
2 replies · active 735 weeks ago
Ugh. Whether you're the barfer or the barfee (or the tupperware), barfing is so nasty. And unnatural. I mean, the food is supposed to go in the mouth, not out of it, yes? I've only barfed, like, three times in my entire life, and that was three times too many.
My recent post On Difficulty and Disability
1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago
Oh man. My older son has food allergies so he used to barf every single day. before we realized we were basically poisoning him. I feel your pain.
1 reply · active 735 weeks ago
That fucking barf fairy is a total whore!
My recent post Keep Your Fingers Outta My Oil
1 reply · active 735 weeks ago
I fucking love that you went back to sleep and pretended it didn't happen!
My recent post Making someone proud
1 reply · active 735 weeks ago
Yep, barfing is the worst ever. Next to about a dozen other worst ever events.
My recent post A Guest Over There
1 reply · active 735 weeks ago
I hate it when Ralph comes over, and even more if it's an extended visit. I couldn't read or post comments here yesterday. Now they're back. Weird.
1 reply · active 735 weeks ago
I guess I'm just really annoyed that your kid actually barfed IN the bowl, rather than on the floor, while holding the bowl in his hand. God, thanks for parading your perfect life around and taunting us all with it!!
My recent post Caution- Bad Day- Nasty Rant Ahead
2 replies · active 735 weeks ago
There is nothing worse than washing the sheets putting them on and having to take them off again. Give me some plastic!!! Between your kids giving it up on the front end and my kid giving it up on the other end, I think we got the illness stuff covered (no pun intended). I HATE when they're sick!
My recent post I’m no Scientist- but My Autistic Son is Reminiscing…
1 reply · active 735 weeks ago
I am a mean mommy and keep the kids AWAY from my bed whenever they even might be sick. I am really into quarantining :)

That just sucks! Throwing-up sick is the worst. My 3 older kids are all on a 10-day school holiday (weird school) and one is puking. Fun times! Hope good health stays at your house for a good long while :)
1 reply · active 735 weeks ago
So I'm curious as to where you are on the barf pie chart...I don't remember exactly, but was there a section labeled "I'm so fucking ouver it?"
My recent post I was that motheragain
1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago
I cannot figure out the sleeping arrangements in your house. You were in Child 1's bed but he wasn't in it? The odds of you being puked on increase significantly when you bed hop like that.
My recent post A Boy Named Sue- Procreation on the Spectrum
1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago
Hope she leaves soon!!!! (((hugs)))

Oh! and thanks for loving me!!!!!!
1 reply · active 735 weeks ago
Woman, did you send that puke fairy to my house?!? Cause I've got pukers now...fuckety, fuck, fuck, fuck.....i don't think I have enough laundry detergent for this mess. Ok, let me get it out of my system...one last time. Fuck.
Thanks, I feel better... ;)
My recent post I was that motheragain
1 reply · active 735 weeks ago
Well, there must be more than one because we've had one here since Monday. Although she may have left and the diarrhea demon has taken her place. It's been non-stop fun!
1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago
Yep, that Barf Fairy has been spreading herself pretty thin this year. She's come back three times since November. Hope you all recover quickly...now go stock up on Febreze.
1 reply · active 735 weeks ago
Vomit is a bitch. Its self perpetuating....someone pukes and it makes you puke. Barf is the gift that keeps on giving. I hope youre all better. This from a woman who has weak legs from crapping 2 gallons of watery diarrhea . Viruses bedamned.
My recent post Life IS a gasand its name is methane
1 reply · active 735 weeks ago
Oh no............I almost couldn't read this because hurling is the ultimate horror. THE ULTIMATE HORROR. I was cringing as I was reading it, like it was a scary movie that suddenly had one of those ominously quiet scenes. My friend B over at "Say Yes, Or Else!!!" told me I should drop on by, because I would be able to relate to your Mommy suffering due to having a child on the Autism spectrum myself. Hooray! Oh no, that was the wine talking just then. Whatevs.
My sister says that the Puke Fairy always comes at this time of year. I'm afraid.
My recent post Walkie-Talkies- EPIC Birthday Present- or EPIC FAIL
1 reply · active 735 weeks ago
i've got nothing. Except horror. Absolute horror.

The puke fairy can be bribed, you know, by being willing the be the pukee. At least you know where to aim...
When we were thinking about kids, my husband promised he would clean up all the puke. He has never cleaned it up. Not once.

Moe loves to puke at school where at least I don't have to clean it up. But I invariably have to wake Jelly from her nap to pick him up and then he is just fine, driving me crazy at home. Moe has been sick all this week, but thankfully no puking. Knock on wood.
Laughing so hard I cried. Had a similar scene here last week except with shit. And only one day praise buddha.
Ugh! Bless your heart!

My daughter started puking in the middle of the night a couple of years ago. And we had no electricity, so no water, no flushing toilet. I couldn't bathe her or wash the sheets or towels. We took our asses to the local hotel for the night.
Now that's a title that grabbed my attention. And I learned how to spell the sound a barf makes. Glad you are all feeling better. Hope 8 hours has extended to much longer by now.
My recent post My Funny Friends- Meet Two Guys From Soge Shirts
Yuck! Makes me glad I'm not at your house! My daughter had strep. She was adorable. Antibiotics had her well within minutes. Life is good. (ducking to avoid your wrath--or your sons' barf).
My recent post Think Fit- not Thin!
Fantastic post despite the Ewww factor

Post a new comment

Comments by