xmlns:og='http://ogp.me/ns#' Yeah. Good Times.: I am now an elitist bitch (something new I thought I'd try)

Saturday, February 19, 2011

I am now an elitist bitch (something new I thought I'd try)

Apparently one of the "perks" of gaining notoriety popularity as a Mommy Blogger is that lots of people will spam email you wanting you to whore post for them, or link to them, or review their product or something something something. Although, ever since I put that stupid clever tagline up there at the top the amount of mail I get from people asking me to review their product has dropped significantly! (I've never done that "crossout word" thing before but I see a lot of other people doing it so I thought I'd give it a try today. Click here to tell me how you think it's going.)

Still, I get a lot of unsolicited email from people with websites or stuff to peddle. They all start the same "We came across your blog and we think you're the greatest person who ever lived..." (or something, I didn't copy and paste or anything so I'm just going by memory here) This would probably be a good thing if I wanted to make some money from this venture, but I have no interest in doing that (I think it might force me to raise my standards or clean up my act or write things that actually make sense, and, well, I think we all know that none of that shit is ever going to happen.) When I first started blogging I contributed to a few of those group/story collection sites so that I could get some traffic over here. I've posted at World's Worst Moms and The Thinking Person's Guide to Autism (twice) and Birth Stories on Demand (but only because Kelli is a drunken whore and I adore her) and another one that I think was called LOL that I can't find now, and then another one that I won't link to because I'm about to complain about them. Besides, you're probably now all too afraid to click on any of my links because you think you're going to accidentally vote for me again. HA HA!)

Anyhoozle, lately I keep getting this same email, every few weeks or so, from these people who "came across my blog" and "think I'm funny" and "would like" me "to post" for "them". But... you see... I've already posted for them. Yes, they have at least two of my awful awkward awesome blatherings on their site (is "blatherings" a word? Well... it should be.) so why do they keep bugging me? "We've enjoyed a successful relationship with Mommy Bloggers in the past and are looking to expand upon this partnership by offering free outbound links back to your blog(s) giving you greater visibility to our national audience." Yes. I know this. Because one of those successful relationships that you've enjoyed in the past has been with ME. I even had their button in my sidebar for a while, but I took it off the first time they emailed this to me, a few months ago. Uh. HELLO? Do you not SEE YOUR OWN FUCKING BUTTON ON THE SIDE OF MY PAGE? So, either my stories were totally unforgettable, or these people are dumb. I'm going with theory the latter. Because I'm an elitist bitch now. Also because it's probably correct.

And so, because I'm an elitist bitch, I now have a policy that dumb people don't get my funny stories. My funny stories are pieces of crap precious, precious things that should only be bestowed upon the most unaware deserving. If you are NOT dumb, however, I am more than happy to pull some incoherent shit out of my ass for anybody who wants me to, as long as you realize what you're getting into and you make sure that your standards are VERY low. (At this point is where I should probably say "click here to ask me to write for you" but even I'm getting tired of my schtick.)