The Dive Bar Welcomes: Amy

Today let's welcome Amy, who blogs at Not A Real Princess and can also be found on Twitter at @LLA_Princess. Go, Amy, GO!!!

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Here’s a toast to the douche bags, toast to assholes…

There are so many times in life where we have two paths to choose: being a mature adult or an ignorant high school bitch. I generally pride myself at choosing maturity but there are times that the bitch in me wants to sneak out and rip into all those high school-like Mean Girls that get off on hurting people. The ones that just don’t get how much their immaturity and negativity affect those around them. So I’m hoping this letter is a way to be more mature about things than just stooping down to the level of the Mean Girls that are so hurtful.

I remember my first “adult” job when I was 20 in an office with a whole bunch of 40-something mothers. I was so shocked and saddened that they were just as catty and bitchy as girls in high school. I thought that people matured when they graduated school. No not at all. Back stabbing, secrets, cliques and popularity still rule in adulthood.

I realize, now, that some people think snarky and sarcastic means bitchy and hurtful. Is it so difficult to allow someone into your friend circle that is new? If you don’t like something they have said to you, why can’t you be mature enough to say something to them? Is it necessary to ignore them or tell others to? Is it jealousy? I’d like to think so, but honey I am not all that, nor do I portray myself to be. Do you pride yourself in collecting numbers of friends instead of accumulating lasting friendships? When you are alone with yourself at night how do you really feel about you? How do you feel about your life and who you have become? Do you even really know me? Here let me tell you about me:

Did you know that I am a 35 year old mother of 2 children on the autism spectrum? I struggle each day wondering if I am doing everything I can to help them be the best people that they can be. Did you know I cry when I think about my kid’s futures and fear that if I die before them, that no one will be there to care for them? I don’t live near family and have some great friends to drink and hang out with but really no strong connections with anyone in the autism community; like so many, I feel alone.

Did you know that I am a registered nurse? That my job is to help people that are depressed or suicidal or to get off of drugs and alcohol? Do you realize how many people come in the hospital because they feel worthless because of bullies? They may turn to drugs or alcohol or self mutilation because they are trying to mask the pain. Many times, they are trying to deal with so much pain from people judging them when they don’t even know them.

Did you know I have my own health issues? I struggle each day with arthritis and auto immune pain and exhaustion. That despite the fact that everything inside me says shut down, I don’t because I can’t. I have two little boys that need me and I can’t just give up. I have to keep fighting for them.

Maybe I thought you were funny. Now I realize you are nothing more than a bully. Someone who prides themselves in collecting superficial pats on the back and laughs at their witty remarks of self-loathing. You don’t deserve to know about me or my kids or my life. Deep down inside me I feel like maybe you are just a sad and lonely person that needs people that will be genuine and kind to them. Maybe you have those people and just don’t need me. Fine. But at least be mature enough to say so. Don’t be the dirt bag scum bag that steers other people’s opinions and friendships. Be your own person.

So here’s to you and all you have become. As Kanye sings, here’s “A toast to the assholes, the dirt bags, every one of them that I know.”

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