xmlns:og='http://ogp.me/ns#' Yeah. Good Times.: The Dive Bar Welcomes: Nobody you know: UPDATED

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

The Dive Bar Welcomes: Nobody you know: UPDATED

Today's author has asked to remain completely anonymous, for obvious reasons. I realize this is going to be controversial and that many of you will take issue with what she's saying, but I completely support everybody's right to have feelings and an opinion, no matter how much other people won't like it. I believe very much in the cathartic power of speaking your mind and I'm happy to support this person, my friend, in giving her a place to put her words: I would do the exact same thing for any other friend who asked me to.

You do not speak for my child

There is a growing community of adults with high-functioning Aspergers, formally diagnosed or not (don't get me started on the NOT), who believe I am a bad parent. Well, that all of us who have kids on the spectrum are bad parents. Why? Because we get intensive therapy for our children, in hopes of them reaching their full potential. In order to break down some of Autism's walls. This, to them, is wrong. They feel we should accept our kids as they are, and that trying to change or modify behavior isn't right. They say they are believers in "neuro-diversity".

What the FUCK is neuro-diversity? Well, I know what it is, and quite frankly I am pretty sure the whole damn planet is already full of neuro-diverse people, but what I don't get is how that word applies to my kid. Does neuro-diversity mean it's OK when my child tries to break down a door? Or when my child beats the crap out of a sibling? Should I be OK with my child having no friends, no social skills, or life-impeding obsessions? Most importantly, is it alright for my child to be totally and completely miserable each and every damn day of the year, so much so that one day suicide seems like a good option? I am supposed to be happy and accepting of all this?! Just let the chips fall where they may?

Two words for you: FUCK NO.

Let me be VERY clear. My kid does NOT have high-functioning Aspergers. My child would not have made it to adulthood sans diagnosis. My child struggles all the time, trying desperately to get out from under Autism. It is not a blessing. It is not a gift. It fucking sucks. All.The.Time.

I want more for my child. I want friends, college, independence. I don't want my child to be on welfare. To give into this disability and be alone forever. I don't want my child to hop from minimum wage job to minimum wage job, not becoming the person I know my child can be, because I decided just to accept how things are now and call it neuro-diverse.

I am so fucking sick and tired of people trying to speak for my child. You do not speak for my child. My child is not like you. So save your neuro-diversity shit for someone else, I don't want to hear it. My child deserves more.

EDIT: The author has sent me the following for clarification.

I just wanted to clarify my thoughts, because I am offending some people I in no way meant to offend. I am really just talking about a small group of people who own their Autism so much that they can't understand why a parent would want to change their child. I have personally had people (adults with asd) write me off because of the path I have chosen for my child, the way I feel about my child's autism, and what I hope for the future. I am in NO way am speaking about ALL adults on the spectrum. A small group has made me feel this way, and I am not OK with that, but please know it isn't a broad generalization. And I don't have anything against self diagnosed adults in general, just the ones who make me, and parents like me, out to be bad for wanting to make things different. I truly, truly apologize for not being clear the first time.