I'm the Anonymous who wrote this, way back in December of last year. And I'm just here to tell you...I did it. I left the spouse. I got my own place with my disabled kid. And he lives in the same building...down the hall...yeah. Okay...not perfect. But damn well near it!!!
I get to do what I want, a lot. I get up in the morning and I can move at my own pace. It's calm and peaceful. There is no conflict, no endless litany of complaints. I have some part time work already. The caregivers who work here say it's wonderful, relaxed. The kid hasn't died as a result. As a matter of fact, she's calmer, less prone to "episodes", easier to care for. Her seizures are less dramatic, because they aren't over handled. Awesome!
We can breathe again. And people are saying to me, "It's like we are seeing the real you for the first time!" Apparently, the "real me" isn't so bad after all!
But, it was brutal to do. I don't recommend the experience. OMG, some days before the move, I thought I would just simply combust into a pile of burned out nerve endings. I took an emotional pounding. Moving day itself was hard...had to not look back...step by step...move forward. And a couple of times, the spouse came to dump on me...tell me how I fucked up his life. Yeah. Wow. BRUTAL.
But worth it. There's still a long way to go. Big problems to solve yet. But it's a lot easier now than it was and life is really good. If you, out there, are doing it too, hang on! Find someone to lean on hard when you need to...but do it. You won't regret it.