xmlns:og='http://ogp.me/ns#' Yeah. Good Times.: Angry Birds. Stupid, angry, jerk birds.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Angry Birds. Stupid, angry, jerk birds.

I have a Blackberry. Thus far this fact has made me immune from the dual scourges known as Words With Friends and Angry Birds. Of course, this being the Information Age, that hasn't stopped me from being able to hear about said dual scourges (constantly. Thank you, Twitter.) (Off topic: One of the funniest tweets I've ever seen was from my Twit Bro @manplaid; I'm paraphrasing because I can't find it to copy and paste: "I feel sorry for our ancestors who used to have to wait weeks to find out if somebody was laughing out loud.")

A few weeks ago hubs informed me that Angry Birds was now available as a Chrome plug-in! Well, good, I said, because I use Firefox. I'm still safe! I went on with my life.

This weekend I switched to Chrome; mainly because Firefox recently forced me to upgrade and apparently the new version of Firefox and Twitter are not yet friends (I don't want to hear one word about Tweet Deck or Twhirl or Echofon or any of that shit. Not one fucking word) and I'm tired of looking at a completely blank page when I try to load Twitter (NOT. ONE. WORD.) And then on Saturday afternoon, I was bored (read: sober) when suddenly ... I remembered! Hey! I can play Angry Birds on this thing! Let's give it a try, shall we? Finally I can understand what the fuck The Oatmeal was talking about here.

Here's something I learned about myself very very quickly afterwards: I suck at Angry Birds. I mean... I am REALLY bad at it. My birds constantly go flying in all directions and practically NEVER hit those stupid smarmy fucking asshole pig things. It's actually quite funny. You know, if it didn't piss me off so much.

Fuck you. I don't even care. I. Don't. Even. Care.

I quickly grew tired of playing Miss Pigs With Birds and went into the kitchen to make dinner (read: drink). Right before I left, however, Child 2 comes along and says "Hey! That looks fun! Can I play it?" So I say "sure!" and I start to explain to him how it works. "See, you drag the bird back and then try to aim it-"

"Yeah, yeah," he says, pushing me out of my chair, "I got it, I got it."

Whatever. Jerk kid. Show off. Mumble.

This guy? This guy can just go right ahead and fuck off.

I'm in the kitchen no more than 5 fucking minutes (seriously), when Child 2 comes running into the room yelling "Mama! Mama!! I've already gotten past the level you were on when I started playing!!"

Are you fucking kidding me?? I was at that shit for at least a half hour, and you've been at it for five minutes and you're already better than me? Seriously????

Hey! Did I mention go fuck yourself? Because go fuck yourself.

I HATE Angry Birds. That game SUCKS.

FUCK YOU, BIRDS. You're not going to suck me in with your chirping shenanigans. You're dead to me, birds. DEAD.

Lemme just go practice a little more first, though....

(By the way... the juggling chick is back. Just sayin')