xmlns:og='http://ogp.me/ns#' Yeah. Good Times.: So this is how it starts

Friday, May 13, 2011

So this is how it starts

A few weeks ago I was contacted by my Twitter buddy Christine, who blogs at All About Mom-sense, asking me if I wanted to participate in the May Mom Blog Hop that she and Nadia from Musings.... By the Light of the Moon were organizing. I said SURE! I love blog hops; I'm happy to participate. The instructions were:
Just one day for Mothers is just not enough so some Mom-Blogger pals of mine and I are dedicating this entire month of May to Moms. Each day one of us will post a special Mom-related blog and then guide you on to the next day’s blog with an easy access link to just click for the next day. On this blog tour, you will meet new friends, find new blogs to follow that bring you laughs, tears, tips, ‘Thank Goodness It’s Not Just Me’ moments, and more…Some bloggers may even offer drawings for prizes to pamper YOU…You just need to follow along, read…and wait for more details on how you can get some great goodies as souvenirs on this Mother’s Day May Blog Tour.... Your posts can be as long or short as you want, picture, prose, poetry…anything Mom related is perfect!!

I actually had something inspiring in mind to write about today, but the events of the past few days have caused me to change my mind. Instead, I will be writing about the realities of having a child with autism. It's not going to be pretty, or inspiring and probably most of the folks participating in this blog hop won't be able to say "Thank Goodness it's not just me," but it's certainly "Mom related." Sorry, Christine, if I messed up the purpose of the hop, but this is the reality of my life as a mom.

Also, I had to write this stupid thing twice, due to the Bloggerpocalypse of May 2011, so apologies for getting it up late!

Wednesday afternoon I had picked up the kids and we were walking to the car. I heard a voice behind us yelling "Jacob!" (Child 1. I'm using his real name today. Fuck it) and I look behind me to see another kid in Jake's class walking next to him, leaning in close, saying something; and then Jake said something back. I thought "huh. That's not right." Jake doesn't have any friends and certainly no friends that would call his name to get him to stop walking so that he could lean in close and share a secret or something. I didn't hear what was said and the kid ran off to whatever car that was waiting for him.

I made Jake tell me what had just happened. Apparently the kid had asked him to say "I put baby Jesus in a time machine and he turned into big Jesus."

What the fuck does that mean? I asked Jake what that meant, and he said "it's a joke!"

What the fuck is funny about that?

This is clearly not a joke; at least not one that Jake is a part of. This is another kid using MY kid as the fucking butt of some kind of game. Asking him to repeat something that makes no sense... for what purpose? The only option is that Jake was being made fun of.

It's possible I was overreacting. I mean... I do that, especially when it comes to Jake. I am fiercely overprotective of him when it comes to any kind of potential bullying. So, I kept calm (for the most part). We went home and I sent an email to his teacher. Then I googled the phrase, thinking maybe it was a line from a movie or something? I couldn't find anything.

Thursday morning we went to school and after I had dropped them both off in their respective locations I went back to the yard where I knew Jake would be, with all the other kids, waiting for the bell to ring.

I walk up to Jake, who is with the kid I saw the day before, and 2 others, just as he's finishing saying "... and he turned into big Jesus."

"Why do you guys do that?" I butted in. My hands were shaking.

Wow. The looks on their faces clearly meant that inside their heads at that moment they were saying to themselves "BUSTED."

"Because it's funny" they mumbled, refusing to look me in the eye.

"What's funny about it?" I asked.

No response. Just more looking at the ground. So I asked again.

"WHAT'S funny about it?"

"Nothing." The one kid said.

"So if it's not funny, why do you do it?" I asked.

Then I looked at Jake, who had a huge smile on his face. Mama is here to be a part of this fun game that I do with the other kids, he was thinking. Yay Mama!

The bell rang and I headed back towards the building to find his teacher, who had responded to my email in the meantime (I got it on my phone) saying that she had no idea what was going on and "irrespective of what it means, there is a deeper problem of their treatment of Jake as some sort of "toy" for lack of a better expression."

I found her in the hallway and told her what had just happened. She was pissed. She said she'd get to the bottom of it. I had no choice but to trust her, leave the school and go to work.

I came back around lunchtime because I had volunteered to help with something and I spotted her again in the hallway. She told me that when Jake was out of the room she had talked to the class about it. Yeah, it was a game they were playing; they thought it was funny to make him say weird things, and he happily went along with it, thinking that this is just what friends do. But they were laughing at him when they did it. There's nothing funny about this.

She confronted the kids in front of the class and the whole room had a talk about it. There are some good kids in that class who like to look out for him, and now, apparently, they will be paying more attention. Afterwards she called all 3 of their parents. I wanted to contact their parents but she said it would be better for her to call them, at least at first. Yeah, she's probably right. She also wrote them all up or something. I like her. She did good for my kid.

Jake has no idea what's going on. He honestly thinks these kids are his friends; he has no clue they're making fun of him. I have no intention of educating him otherwise, at least not at this point. He doesn't need to know the truth, and I'm not sure if he would even understand it. I'm the only one who has been hurt by this (and hubs) there's no reason to make Jake hurt, too; at least not while he's still too young to drink. The adults have gotten involved and are taking care of it for him. Educate these kids; educate their parents and maybe next time they'll actually think about their actions before they do something like this.

But what if I hadn't heard it? It would just continue on and on. And what's going to happen next? We can maybe educate these three kids about how not to be a complete douche, but there are a ton of other kids. More to come. Next year... the year after... then fucking middle school. It's just going to get worse and at some point Jake is going to have to get clued in to what's going on here; I'm not going to be able to protect him every time.

I feel sick to my stomach and just want to lie down and cry. I always knew 3rd grade would be when it started. I guess we're here now.

Please visit the next person in Blog Hop line when she posts tomorrow: What Did She Say.

Here is also the blogger who hopped yesterday: I Love Purple More Than You