xmlns:og='http://ogp.me/ns#' Yeah. Good Times.: The Dive Bar Welcomes: Manda

Sunday, May 15, 2011

The Dive Bar Welcomes: Manda

Today we welcome Manda, who blogs at Misadventures in Life and Such. And OMG, sorry, but before we get to your rant, Manda, can we please first appreciate this drawing of yours?

Holy FUCK that's awesome!!! Anyway.... here's Manda. YAY!


My big sister. She is kinda awesome in a "I'm three years older then you but I still talk to you like you're 4" way. But this isn't really about my sister. Its about her lame ass piece o shit husband. There really is a special place in hell for him. First of all, my sister is adorable and pretty and blond, my total opposite in looks and personality. So it really shouldn't have surprised any of us when she started dating this dude in a trench coat when she was 17. He told us right off he was a born again christian, aspired to be "The Crow" and wouldn't date a girl with shorter hair then him. He kept his own hair pulled back in a pony tail that he never takes out, even to wash his hair. Eew. So after the normal screaming and crying and fighting my sister moved in with him, got all knocked up and then he brutally attacked her with a carving knife leading her to run away to live with relatives, my mom to tell my BIL that Jess lost the baby, and the birth of their little girl at my dad's house in Wisconsin.

That was the abbreviated version.

So the baby is born, we're all living in Pennsylvannia and here comes BIL crawling back. My sister so smitten, didn't even mind that every time she called his house a different tired sounding girl would answer the phone. So they got back together. Silly Jess. Various things happen, she gets pregnant, finds used condoms in his truck, catches him with the babysitter. All the while working her ass off in a pizza place while he is a Paperboy (excuse me paper DELIVERY PERSON). So when finding out her husband is cheating on her? Marries him. Fucking marries him. So for the count, they have 2 kids and his daughter from a previous relationship so 3 little girls total and then my sister finds out she had Pulmonary Hystiocytosis. A fucking disease so rare that Johns Hopkins doesn't know what to do about it. They tell her they'd be surprised if she lives until she's 35.

So BIL tells her its stupid to do treatment and since he's so smart and god and all with his framed GED she listens to him and proceeds to work herself to near death and attempt to repopulate the world with devils spawn (actually all her kids are really really effin cute and sweet but still). So BIL starts openly seeing a girl from his past, Angie, who is "christian". She starts sending Jess emails about how she should step aside and blah blah, but BIL wants his harem. Angie wouldn't actually SLEEP with BIL until he's divorced but remained confident through Jess's 3rd pregnancy and was even allowed to name this daughter. So on they go, Jess enjoying that she's "winning" over Angie because BIL will sleep with her.. and since yah know how picky he's been in the past about where he sticks it that must mean he loves her. In here BIL made Jess quite her job because she needed to be spending more time with the children.. Yep. For a month. Then told her that she'd have to leave if she didn't find a NEW job because now she was spending too much time with the children. So she got another job, loved it, was promptly promoted to manager, found out she was pregnant with number 4. A boy this time, so she was promised she could get her tubes tied and be done with the broodmare thing.

So now that she's pregnant with number 4 Angie leaves because ya know... getting the girl he was going to leave pregnant a fourth time is kind of just rubbing some cleaning solvent in the wound at this point. So at 25 my sister has had 4 kids, and one step kid. Awesome. The new baby being a boy doesn't bring the promised tube tying though. But BIL does kick my sister out of the house. (Prompting my mom and I to step in and look up every legal thing we can to get the kids the fuck out of that house but Jess said no, they needed their father.) So. She left him for a month. Got told by 9 different councilors that she was an EXTREME abuse case and this shit was only going to get worse. She got back together with him, because she was pregnant. Again. 26 with 5 pregnancies. And then he made her quit her job. Her job with insurance. And steady large pay check. And people who cared about her. And she's just home getting bigger with their second boy.

Because of her illness her teeth are gone. She gets pneumonia every fucking spring and summer. And those poor kids. I want to kill my BIL. I know my sister is to blame too. I hate her as well. But I know that she's dumb enough to listen to whoever she loves and right now she loves The Beast. The shit head. The douche. I hope his truck falls on him while hes working on it. I hope I catch him wailing on her sometime so I can rip his pony tail out of his greasy head. Most of all I hope that if my sister is really dieing from this illness she'll wake up and realize she doesn't NEED that shit and she can take all the kids and run and someone will love her and take care of her, even if it is just her mom and baby sister. We love her. We will take care of her. Goddamn it.

Oh on a side note, one of the reasons we're scared to be the aggressors some people who watch a lot of Daytime tv might have seen the Maury where he interviewed a 20 year old girl that was stabbed in the head like 20 times by her husband who she had been living in a safe house to get away from? She was walking to her car from a Wal-Mart when he jumped out and just started stabbing her. BIL's brother.

Comforting.



Comments (16)

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Wow. Just wow. Yet another 'Christian' giving Christians a bad name. I've been in an abusive relationship. Most definitely barely abusive compared to that. I've also been one of the girls (too many times) encouraging a girl friend to leave. My BFF is in an abusive relationship & it kills me think her daughter will most likely wind up with someone like her father & that her son will most likely wind up like his father. I'm sorry your sister is not ready to break the cycle. I know how powerless it makes you feel. I pray she finds the courage to leave him for good before it's too late for her & the kids.
Oy vey. A sorry excuse for a man. I too pray that she sees the light before it's driven out of her. Would an intervention with the whole family solve anything? Doesn't sound like it. But I want to reach through this screen and pummel some sense into your sister and see the life she is missing. Sigh. I'm sorry I hope things get better.
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That's so not right!! ACK.
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Oh Lordy....not like you all haven't tried to help...so sorry. ((((hugs))))
My recent post Reflections on misery memoirs
Holy shit. My heart breaks for your family having to watch the train wreck happen. I hope your sister comes to her senses before it's too late.
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So sad to see someone you love in such a colossally flawed situation and to know that she doesn't seem to feel as though she deserves better. My heart goes out to her (and you) in understanding and with the hope that she'll one day have had enough.
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My stomach is in knots. I'm... I just can't believe... He is pure evil. Manipulative, abusive, and fucking evil. I pray and hope that there is a place in hell for people who parade around professing their religion while carrying on like this. Piece of shit. And I feel so much for you too. It is not easy to stand by and watch your beloved sister destroy herself because she loves him. That is enough to destroy you too. I hope she finds the strength to leave him and take the kids. I hope the universe finds a way to make him pay... a truck falling on him sounds about right. You will be in my thoughts..
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Manda, I love you so much for writing this...I live 1 mile from her and have to be in the same room with that evil motherfucker a couple of times a week just so I can see my grandkids and my daughter. And I have to bite my tongue until it bleeds to not rip him a new asshole every time he speaks, because I know it will just make the rest of HER day a nightmare if I do. I started my lame blog months ago, and can't write this stuff down because it makes it too real. She is not the same person she was before she met him. She is not the outgoing, bubbly, happy person I raised. I feel extreme guilt all the time, even though I know it has nothing to do with me. AND SHE WON'T LET ME HELP AND IT KILLS ME EVERY DAY!!!!
I am so sorry to read this, to know that this exists, that you're all suffering.

I'm sending good thoughts your way.

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Holy f*ck batman, I'm whipping out my voodoo doll right now.
My recent post 1st Comes Love- Then Comes Marriage
1 reply · active 721 weeks ago
Aim for the crotch!
My recent post Crochet ADD
Wow, thank you for the responses everyone! I admit to being moderately nervous about sharing this. Because for my mom and me this is SUCH a part of our lives, but its also something we don't talk to others about much because no one seems to understand why we don't get the children taken away, why we don't tell her she's crazy and needs help (she is and does.) We're trying to be quietly "there for her". Well, mom is quiet about it for the most part, I'm like a bull in a china shop when it comes to these things. BIL knows how I feel about him and keeps his distance, forbids me from the house occasionally, and tells my nieces how awful I am(they love me anyhow, I am the aunt who gives them nail polish and lets them drink soda- I am a rockstar in that house, hehe). Getting this out and sharing it has meant a lot to me. Thanks Jill :)
My recent post Crochet ADD
1 reply · active 721 weeks ago
You're quite welcome! And I completely understand your apprehension about sharing this; any time you want me to take it down just give me the word! The whole point, really, is that the process of writing it is cathartic for you and you feel better about having "gotten it out." :)
Uuuuuuu. . . Why is there so much of this shit going on in the world? You could be telling the story of my SIL, but when she did finally divorce her asshat husband, she managed to indulge her taste for pills to such an extent that she lost custody of my darling nephews to the bastard. Now Husband and I have to suck up to him just to get to see them. I think it's giving me ulcers.

Hope your sister sees the light soon. She's lucky to have you and your mom.
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Holy fuck. I mean, son of a bitching holy fuck. God bless you and your family, and protect the children. Definitely sending prayers your way.
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It must be so frustrating for you to see this going on, be right there, but not have any way to make it go away. This is truly heartbreaking and unbelievable.
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